♪ Zack Morris is trash ♪
(school bell rings)
- [Narrator] It's Career Week at Bayside.
Zack is sad to learn he can't live off his parents forever.
Zack wants to be a game show host,
making a profession of putting strangers
through his nonsense.
Slater's preparing for his big
wrestling match against Valley.
He's ready to hit the beach after practice,
but Zack says, "No distractions on the road to victory."
Slater wonders why Zack suddenly gives a shit
about anyone but himself.
Surprise, he doesn't.
Slater's wrestling Nedick, Valley's undefeated champ.
Every year, Zack gambles on Bayside and loses,
but this year, Slater is a guaranteed win.
What will Zack win?
A brand new dirt bike
that's actually used.
It belongs to the guy Slater's wrestling
who took Zack's bet.
Lisa wants to go into fashion.
Zack makes her news all about him,
to do more bad game show host material nobody wants.
That's somehow the worst performance
at a table with chicken hat sorcery.
Kelly wants to be an actress with lots of kids.
Zack graciously offers to help.
Slater doesn't have a career.
Zack says, "Who needs one?"
High school wrestling will obviously last forever.
Slater's real friends implore him to think of the future.
Zack is pretend dirt biking with Screech
in a delusional fantasy where girls are clamoring
to hop on his overcrowded, underpowered preowned vehicle.
Screech wonders how Zack can bet a dirt bike
if he does not own one.
Who needs a dirt bike when Slater is a lock.
Zack commands Slater to get his lazy butt to practice,
but Slater quit wrestling to find his calling.
Instead of congratulating him on his newfound discipline,
Zack calls him crazy.
Zack is seeking counsel from Poultry the Magnificent
who says his dad quit driving a taxi
and his mom made him cook and he hated cooking,
or whatever, who cares, so he went back to driving a taxi.
This gives Zack a great idea.
He calls Slater's dad, pretending to be from school
to rat on Slater for quitting.
Zack checks if Slater is filling his time
productively without wrestling.
Huh, those were the exact words his dad used.
Slater needs a new activity,
but he just wants to hang out with girls.
Zack knows a place he says is definitely full of girls,
Cooking Club, of course.
Zack is positive Slater will be so devastated
by the female company and delicious food
that he'll go back to sweaty dude fights.
Zack joins Cooking Club
to laugh at Slater's ridiculous apron,
except Zack got the only goofy apron in the joint.
Wow, really showed him, Zack.
Cooking Club is fine, I guess.
Nobody cares.
Everyone, except Zack, made a decent cake.
Slater is an exceptional chef.
He has a natural talent that Zack ignores,
to whine about getting his face punched
over his latest fraudulent wager.
Someone tipped Nedick off to Slater's baking.
Slater is proud of his culinary capabilities.
Nedick mocks Slater's dumb apron.
Gee, wonder who's feeding him this apron intel.
But instead of taking the bait,
Slater relaxes into his new and upgraded life.
Nedick says if nobody fights, he wins by default.
Zack is sure someone will step up.
Nedick says someone better because if someone doesn't,
and he doesn't get his bike,
he's going to fuck Zack's world up sideways.
But instead of taking the world fucking punches he earned,
Zack volunteers Screech to wrestle
an undefeated heavyweight champion,
a champion with a very real personal motive to win.
Zack's brilliant plan is to make Slater feel bad
about Screech's certain death,
so he'll volunteer to take his place.
And if Zack's wrong, he'll name the gym
after his deceased lackey,
a hollow promise he is in no position to ratify.
Zack pulls Slater from the kitchen for Operation Guilt Trip.
Slater laughs at anyone being foolish enough
to send Screech against that widow maker.
Zack pushes him again,
but Slater has to go check on his quiche
and nurture his promising new passion.
Screech takes a sad crack at intimidating Nedick
who mercifully tries to get rid of him.
So Screech is forced to say unforgivable things
about Nedick's family at Zack's behest.
Zack says Slater is not coming,
then does nothing to stop the bloodbath he arranged.
Screech is about to get his spine snapped like a twig,
when Slater comes to his rescue, thank God,
and whups Nedick posthaste, while Zack does zero.
Slater's quiche was ruined
because of Zack's locker room shaming.
Now he's back to not worrying about his career
until it will be far too late.
And Zack yells he won his bike in front of the one person
who shouldn't hear he was gambling.
Fucking idiot.
Let's review.
Zack Morris gambled on a high school wrestling match
with a dirt bike he didn't have.
Then when his friend, concerned for his future,
tried to better himself,
used life lessons from a rooster wizard
to shame him back into violence sports.
Only his brain dead scheme didn't work
because Cooking Club rules,
and there's nothing wrong with aprons.
Then when Slate displayed a real gift,
unsuccessfully tried to embarrass him again,
and played with Screech's life
to guilt a reluctant Slater into abandoning his dreams
to clean up Zack's lethal disaster,
all for a dirt bike Zack didn't even get
because he can't keep his mouth shut.
Zack Morris is trash.
♪ Zack Morris is trash ♪
(school bell rings)