Our next story comes to us from Turkey, the country,
with a child that can only be described as a typical Turk,
and what do I mean by that?
>> [LAUGH] >> A literal snake bit a toddler's lip and
the toddler survived.
>> No, it's not that she just survived.
Okay, she went full Turk.
Okay, so I started reading this story and
I didn't know that it had anything to do with Turkey.
And I read the first paragraph and I was like what, is she Turkish?
And then the second paragraph, she's from near bingo, Turkey.
I'm like, I knew it.
Okay, so what did she do?
She's two years old, snake bites her,
cuz she was of course petting the snake because she's a Turk.
The snake bites her, she bites the snake back.
>> Yeah, yeah.
Guess who dies?
The snake.
>> No, it's amazing.
>> I love her, I love her, I want her to be president of the United States.
>> [LAUGH] >> Stronger than any democrat we've ever
had in office.
>> [LAUGH] >> Okay,
FTR should blow them out of the water.
Okay, but seriously let me give you the exact details.
So Newsweek reports that, when they reached the two year old,
they found her with a bite mark on her lip and a 20 inch snake between her teeth.
The snake later died from the toddler's revenge bite,
while the 2-year-old was taken to the hospital to treat her for
the injuries that she sustained as a result of the snake bite.
And it clearly was not a venomous snake.
>> Or maybe it was, she's just a Turk.
>> Honestly, maybe.
>> [LAUGH] She just brushed it off.
If you've never seen our stories about random Turks like this you're wondering,
why are they obsessed?
Why would we do a story?
It just happens nonstop.
>> Years ago.
>> And you will see it now all over the place yourself, okay?
You'll see it in the news.
No, just a couple of weeks ago, we did a story on old school,
about how there was a shark in the water in a tourist area in Turkey, and
there's a whole bunch of Turks in the water.
None of them get out, [CROSSTALK].
They're like, there's a shark in the water, and they watch it, and
then somebody gets a broom and they start beating the shark with a broom.
Or one guy does, and the shark runs away.
Why?
[CROSSTALK] okay?
But we've done 100 of these, it's super random, we were not trying to look for
them at all.
Guy walks in with a shotgun to a grocery store and somewhere in Bronx or queens or
something.
The guy is like an old Turkish guy, he just grabs a shotgun and turns it on him,
guy is like, what the hell?
And he runs out of the store.
Two different times a guy gets run over by a truck-
>> A truck, a big truck.
>> On video. >> Big truck.
>> Okay, just gets up and walks away.
>> Yeah. >> Every one of them a turn.
>> No, but what's going on?
>> I don't know what it is.
An old school we had the conversation, half tongue in cheek,
that it might be genetic.
Is it cultural, is it genetic, but it's a two year old.
So that's not cultural, man.
In her case, it's gotta be genetic.
>> I can't believe the 2-year-old bit the snake.
Like first of all, there was a two year old in Turkey playing with a snake.
>> Yeah, she's like, nice snake.
Nice snake, no big deal.
You wanna bite me?
[SOUND] What now?
>> They found her with the snake in her mouth.
>> Still in her mouth.
Cuz she wasn't playing.
>> [LAUGH] >> Okay,
[LAUGH] snake messed with the wrong Turkish girl, f around and find out.
>> So her dad weighs in and says, it's not that she's a strong girl, it's not that
Turks have some special genetic abilities, Allah has protected her, really.
Our neighbors have told me that the snake was in the hand of my child,
she was playing with it and then it bit her.
Then she bit the snake back as a reaction.
Yes, that is what happened, allegedly.
It reminds me of, so something happened in my childhood and
that quote reminds me of my parents, right?
Because when we were with my dad once, we were crossing the street, jaywalking,
my dad probably shouldn't have done that, but he's an immigrant,
doesn't know what he's doing.
[LAUGH] Doesn't respect jaywalking loss.
Anyway, we crossed the street and
my brother's shoe fell, and I'm a little kid too, right?
So I was like, my brother's shoe, so I let go of my dad's hand and
turned to get the shoe, and a car almost hit me.
It was right about to hit me and it just missed me, right?
And my dad is convinced, my dad's religious, right?
He's convinced it was God.
The car was gonna hit you, but it was God that moved the car just enough so
it didn't hit you.
And then they sacrificed a chicken.
They brought a chicken home, they're like, we will now sacrifice the chicken for God.
>> [LAUGH] >> I thought the chicken was cute,
and it was my friend,
and then they freaking killed- >> [LAUGH] I can't believe we have
the same story, that's like with Ali the sheep in my circumcision story.
>> My God, yes.
Okay, they're like, yeah, and we cut the genitals, but on the other hand,
we brought you Ali [SOUND] >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was going-
>> We sacrifice Ali for you, no!
I haven't eaten lamb since.
>> My grandfather snapped the chicken's neck in front of me,
I didn't know it was gonna happen.
We had never had a motto as Armenians call it, and
I was like, why are we doing?
>> Okay, and the Turks are like, the Armenians snap the neck of chickens,
bring a lamb, we go bigger animals.
>> To be fair, Armenians in Armenia do the bigger animals, but
we're not gonna freaking do that.
We all agree, of course it's kidding around.
But look, one last thing on the genetic point, my conspiracy theory on that was,
look, the Turks came from the central Asian steppes,
they were nomadic tribes and they were raiders, okay?
And in the raiding community, what happens is, tons and tons of battles,
same thing is true in Scotland and a couple other areas in the world.
And all the men who lost are killed, and
then the Raiders take the women of the other tribe.
So it is not impossible that there would have been enough evolution
there of more aggressive Turks winning out evolutionarily from less aggressive Turks.
>> I love when Cenk turns into his dad and he starts bragging about,
in Turkish history, this happened and that's why we're the best.
It's okay, calm down.
>> [LAUGH] Okay, by the way, being more aggressive,
not equal to the best, that has led to tremendous disasters.
So it's not bragging, and,
the other word I was thinking of using was more barbarian.
Okay, but that gets into some racist stuff against Turks, so I don't wanna go there.
>> Let's keep it light, let's keep it light.
>> Keep it light, keep it light.
But maybe that's why, don't f around with a Turk,
even if it's a two year old girl, you might find out