>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME TO A VERY SPECIAL LATE
SHOW.
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT AND I'M SO EXCITED TO BE HERE
WE'RE COMING TO YOU ON A RARE SUNDAY NIGHT LATE SHOW AFTER
WHAT MANY HAVE CALLED THE MOST SUPER OF ALL BOWLS, THE SUPER
BOWL.
NOW, THERE YOU GO, YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED, THIS LITTLE GUY IN OUR
OPENING CREDITS, THAT IS OUR EXCLUSIVE DANCING FOOTBALL
ROBOT, BLEEP-BLORP.
THAT'S ENOUGH, MY METALLIC FRIEND.
HIT THE WORK BENCH.
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.
ANYWAY, IF YOU ARE A FOOTBALL FAN, AND FOR THE NEXT HOUR, YOU
BET I AM, YOU PROBABLY KNOW THAT ANOTHER NETWORK OUT THERE HAS A
SIMILAR DANCING ROBOT MASCOT.
DOESN'T MATTER WHO HAD ONE FIRST ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT THEY
HAVE VERY GOOD LAUERS.
SO WE HAD TO MAKE OUR OWN OWN ROBOT ON A BUDGET WITH SOME
CARDBOARD BOXES AND DRYER TUBING.
AND TONIGHT BLEEP-BLORP WILL APPEAR ANY TIME I SAY THE WORDS
SUPER BOWL.
HEY, THERE HE GOES.
THAT HE-- JIMMY, THAT'S A LITTLE LOUD, A LITTLE INTENSE.
CAN WE TAKE THE ENERGY DOWN JUST A LITTLE BIT, JUST A NOTCH?
OKAY, THAT MIGHT BE A LITTLE TOO MELLOW, CAN YOU JUST SPLIT THE
DIFF.
OKAY, THAT'S-- THANKS, THANKS BLEEP-BLORP, JIMMY, PLEASE.
THANKS.
LIKE EVERYTHING DURING THE PANDEMIC, THE GAME WAS A LOT
DIFFERENT THIS YEAR.
THERE WERE CARDBOARD CUT OUTS IN THE STANDS, PLAYERS HAD TO
QUARANTINE AND INSTEAD OF GATORADE THE WINNING COACH WAS
DOUSED WITH HAND SANITIZER.
THE PANDEMIC'S ALSO BEEN HARD ON TONIGHT'S HOST CITY TAMPA,
ESPECIALLY ON ONE OF ITS BIGGEST INDUSTRIES, STRIP CLUBS TAM
HAS-- TAMPA HAS BEEN CALLED THE JIGGLE JOINT CAPITAL OF THE
COUNTRY.
WOW
THAT'S QUITE A NAME, WHAT THE HELL, NEW YORK, WE'RE THE BIG
APPLE WHEN WE COULD HAVE BEEN THE BIG JIGGLY.
THANK AS LOT, DE BLASIO.
NOW USUALLY THE STRIPIN INDUSTRY RAKES IN A TON OF DOUGH DURING
THE SUPER BOWL.
PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT TWERK.
I DON'T-- I DON'T HAVE ANY SINGER ELS.
-- SINGLES.
GO AWAY.
AS I WAS SAYING, THE BIG GAME IS USUALLY A BOOM TIME FOR THE BOOM
BOOM ROOMS BUT DUE TO THE PANDEMIC, TAMPA'S STRIP CLUBS
HAD TO TAKE SPECIAL PRECAUTIONS LIKE ENFORCING STRICT MASK
RULES, HIRING EXTRA SECURITY, AND IN AN ATTEMPT TO CREATE MORE
SPACE FOR PATRONS, ERECTING A TENT IN THE PARKING LOT.
EVIDENTLY, THE PARKING LOT IS WHAT PEOPLE IN TAMPA CALL THEIR
PANTS.
THE PRECAUTIONS WEREN'T JUST LIMITED TO CUSTOMERS, THROUGHOUT
THE WEEKEND, DANCERS HAD THEIR TEMPERATURES CHECKED REGULARLY
OKAY, IT IS A GOOD IDEA BUT IT MIGHT KILL THE MOOD.
PLEASE WELCOME TO THE STAGE, SHY CHEYENNE SHE IS HOT, SERIOUSLY
SHE HAS A RAGEK TEMPERATURE, LET'S GET HER OFF THE STAGE
PLEASE, ANYWAY, BACK TO THE SUPER BOWL, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T
MEAN TO SAY THE TRIGGER FACE THAT TIME.
JIMMY, CAN WE JUST KILL IT.
>> KILL MODE INITIATED.
>> Stephen: BLEERP BLORP!
NO, NO KILLING, GO AWAY.
ANYWAY, ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF THE BIG FOOTBALL GAME WE
WATCHED TONIGHT IS THE PLAYER INTRODUCTIONS WHEN ONE BY ONE WE
GET TO MEET THE >> PATRICK MAHOMES II, TEXAS
TECH UNIVERSITY.
DAMIEN WILLIAMS, MAYER MASON HIGH SCHOOL.
TYREEK HILL, PEARSON, GEORGIA.
SAMMY WATKINS, CLEMSON.
MECOLE HARDMAN, UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA.
TRAVIS KELCE, CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, OHIO.
>> Stephen: YOU SEE?
GREAT, YOU LEARN SO MUCH, LIKE THEIR NAME, THEIR COLLEGE, AND
THE MAXIMUM POSSIBLE CIRCUMFERANCE OF A HUMAN NECK.
BUT I REALLY FEEL LIKE THESE INTROS LACK THE PIZAZZ THAT THE
PLAYERS IN THE BIG GAME DESERVE.
AND I THOUGHT WHAT IF FAMOUS DIRECTORS SHOT THESE INSTEAD.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
WELL, IF YOU CAN, STOP IT.
THIS IS TV.
WE DO THE IMAGINING FOR YOU.
JIM?
>> "A LATE SHOW" PRESENTS: "GREAT DIRECTORS
DIRECT THE PLAYER INTROS."
>> EVERYBODY WAS DOING PLAYER INTRODUCTIONS.
THERE WAS VICTOR CRUZ.
>> HOW YA DOIN', UMASS.
>> MARKUS KUHN.
WE CALLED HIM "THE STEAMROLLER," ON ACCOUNT OF HE'S FROM
MANNHEIM.
>> GUTEN TAG.
>> JONNY CASILLAS AND HIS GUYS.
>> UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN.
>> LORENZO CARTER, THE KID.
>> UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA.
>> AND THERE WAS FOLORUNSU FATUKASI, ALSO THE KID, ON
ACCOUNTS THAT THEY WAS BOTH THE KIDS.
>> UCONN.
>> AND BENNY TWO-TIMES, WHO GOT THAT NICKNAME 'CAUSE HE SAID
EVERYTHING TWICE LIKE.
>> NOTRE DAME, NOTRE DAME.
>> OBSERVE BENNETT JACKSON.
THE POSITION HE PLAYS IS SAFETY, BUT NOTHING CAN BE CONSIDERED
SAFE IN A VAST, INDIFFERENT UNIVERSE WHERE THE STARS BLINDLY
RUN.
TO CONSIDER ONESELF SAFETY IS TO LAUGH IN THE FACE OF DESTINY.
UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME.
>> LET ME TAKE A WILD GUESS, HERE.
YOU'RE BRETT, RIGHT?
>> NO, ACTUALLY.
I'M FOLORUNSO FATAKASI.
UCONN.
>> CHECK OUT THE BIG BRAIN ON BRETT!
>> DID YOU MEAN BENNET JACKSON, UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME?
>> I DON'T REMEMBER ASKING YOU A (
>> OKAY.
>> YOU WERE SAYING?
>> AS I WAS SAYING, I'M FOLO-- UCONN.
>> I'M JONATHAN CASILLAS!
UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN!
♪ ♪ ♪ >> ALL THE FOOTBALLERS GATHERED
IN PREPARATION OF FOR THE FIRST OF WHAT WAS SURE TO BE MANY
QUARTERS.
THERE WAS VICTOR CRUZ, THE ENIGMATIC WIDE RECEIVER.
LORENZO CARTER, THE ICONOCLASTIC LINEBACKER.
CARTER LOVED NOTHING MORE THAN CHASING A QUARTERBACK.
HE HAS BEEN ONE OF THE GIANTS' GO TO PASS RUSHERS.
AND NEXT SEASON, HE'S HOPING TO RUSH MORE.
MARKUS KUHN, THE ECCENTRIC DEFENSIVE TACKLE.
>> I AM NOT "ECCENTRIC."
>> THE "DEFENSIVE" DEFENSIVE TACKLE.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> OH, HOWDY BIG FELLA!
MARKUS KHUN, N.C. STATE!
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE ROBERT DOWNEY JR. AND TIFFANY HADDISH.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, "A LATE SHOW" COMES TO THE RESCUE OF ONE
SMALL BUSINESS A SUPER BUMP, STICK AROUND, A LOT MORE OF THE
LATE SHOW'S SUPER BOWL SPECIAL.
JIMMY, JIMMY, PLEASE.
PLEASE, I'M A MARRIED MAN.
I DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT.