i take untreated alcoholism very seriously i think we're sitting in the rooms of a.a
dying of it i mean if you don't know where your big book is if you haven't read your big book
if you're not sponsoring if you're not doing an active 10 step if you haven't done a four
step in a long long time you probably suffer in some some part and i told god i did not want to
be the one to share this message by the way because see my popularity is going to drop
quickly right here and uh all of a sudden i was the fun cute one and now she's kind of bugging me
but the truth of the matter is is my husband who was not going to die of this brain tumor at first
they thought he was going to die then they go in there he has massive brain damage he's never going
to work again he's got about the mind of about a 16 year old but i love him you know and i this is
we're going to make it we're going to make it that's the kind of gal i am and uh he ends up
dying of a heroin overdose yep and you know what it wasn't the brain tumor i wanted to believe that
forever we were in untreated alcoholism he had absolutely no mental defense he couldn't handle it
and i almost gave it up 17 years over the obsession came back for me
i'm telling you what you know what pride can keep you sober for a while how many people in this
room know what i'm talking about you bet your ass charlie said to me one time i said charlie i want
a drink and you know what he said he said don't drink without me and i thought oh that's so stupid
but i tell you i thought okay i won't oh man you can white knuckle it for so long and mark
houston fell into our world and chris ramer and i'm telling you what i didn't like either one of
when i first met him i didn't like him at all i had 17 years you can't tell me anything you know
what i'm saying and i thought i don't know who this guy is i kept turning them off and turning
them off and turn them off on the cd and charlie goes oh for god's sakes can we listen to the man
and i'm not kidding you i went back to my meeting i was going to five meetings a week
that curtain was pulled back there was not one bit of a a talked in that meeting you know why
because i had to be at a meeting where there was no aa talk dad when you don't work a program
you darn sure don't want to go to a big book study no thank you i want to just talk about
whatever i want to talk about you know when the book says we're always in collision with
something or somebody that was my meeting you could it never grew it was only 15 of us it stayed
15 you came in we were so toxic right we were always in collision with something or somebody
and i mean that's what we did and then all of a sudden we stumble into mark houston's big book
study and i kid you not i remember charlie going good god what book is he reading out of i go i
don't know i've never heard it i have never heard of him i am shocked and i don't like him either
and she they send us back to our room right and charlie's doing the evening review because he's
such a suck up right you know and he goes he goes aren't you going to do the evening review
and i went absolutely not that is ridiculous you know and i come back in there and i remember i
took mark off and i'll never forget this if you knew mark well you knew this lap you go
and i told him something that was very serious and he did that laugh and i thought oh i
really don't like you now i mean to tell you i am so grateful for those two men they they literally
pulled me and i'm not i'm not an easy one i am a very tough bird i got so much pride i told you
you know i left home at 15 i finished school i am tough tough tough and those two boys pulled me out
god sent them to me knowing that that's how hard-headed i am and they pulled me out and i
got to tell you guys today i work a a program like you wouldn't believe and as a matter of
fact when i know it's getting tough and i got that inner feeling of of it just ain't right
i can't really figure out what's going on and i'm sick of looking at it i throw myself so knee-deep
into working with others i probably sponsor 25 gales man i'm calling them they're calling me
i don't miss a phone call because that seems to work when nothing else does you know the book
says that it says it works when nothing else does you know what nothing else is calling my sponsor
right doing an inventory on it kind of sort of see it yeah he's still bugging me okay right i mean
all these things i go i i'm not getting i'm not getting through it man i'm either self-righteous
or self-pity i flip between the two and uh i mean it's terrible it's terrible terrible terrible
you know what i'm talking about right you know that level of mental obsession behind whatever
oh my god and so i i know i'm out of time but i just want to tell you guys that i i'm
so looking forward to how all three of us work together this weekend i do hope you vote for me
the twelve steps evolved from the oxford group four spiritual activities which were surrender
which became our steps one two and three sharing which became our steps four five six and seven
uh amends which became our steps 8-9 and guidance which became our steps 10 11 and 12.
you