how funny would it be if I filmed this
with my webcam oh hey I didn't see there
my name is Nathan welcome to my channel
let's dive right into things as some of
you may have noticed I've upgraded my
camera setup to look a little bit more
like the zoom call aesthetic that we've
all come to know and love let's start
with the most important part I just want
to say thank you to everyone who has
ever watched my work or taking the time
to write me a message it means a lot to
know that what I'm creating is getting
seen and yeah I just want to say thank
you I'm extremely grateful if my 15
minutes of fame are about to end I just
want to say I'm grateful to have had the
opportunity it was intense but but it
was awesome I you know I'm grateful for
the opportunity great repeating myself I
cannot believe you've put up with me for
this long like seriously what is wrong
with you I'll have my terrible dad jokes
consistent existential dread and very
wide Vsauce eyes not scared you away
who the hell is subscribing to this
channel that's what I want to know I
received a lot of messages from friends
and family leading up to this moment
including a lot of screenshots of my
subscriber count and something about it
started to make me feel really nervous
so instead of focusing so much on that I
wanted to focus on three reflections
that I've had on what I've learned
creating and posting content online and
on picking your own narrative I think
it's important to start from the
beginning here we all go through life
with a narrative of some kind it's the
stories that you tell yourself about who
you are it is also fair to say that
conflict is a fact of life and conflict
there's always a risk of conflict
occurring of conflict happening when you
encounter other people that have
different narratives and different
values and different perspectives and
when that happens like I said there's
always the potential of conflict now I
don't think conflict is good or bad it's
actually more so I'm more so concerned
about the amount of conflict because I
think we all need some level of
adversity let's say to test and
challenge our ideas and to grow by the
way I can't imagine a world
where everybody agrees on everything
okay I can't imagine it and I don't
think I would want to live in that world
anyway
that being said I'm also not a huge fan
of excessive conflict it feels sometimes
like the entire Internet is it's just
conflict right and there's something
about that that I find quite emotionally
draining and it's something that I
thought about very seriously when
creating content and when attempting to
create a community because I always
thought you know I want to create a
little corner of the internet that feels
safe for mental clarity now the very
nature of the Internet is that
geographical limitations cease to exist
which basically means you can reach
pretty much anybody anywhere in the
world and that's something that I think
is that I absolutely love about the
internet but that I also kind of
struggle with this is exactly why the
Internet is so good at amplifying both
the good and the bad that's happening in
the world but once you could find let's
say a dozen people in your physical
community that would agree or disagree
with you on any given subject you can
now find millions in either direction
and yeah that's the power of the
Internet right this made me think a lot
about conflict online especially in the
scope of narrative and one thing that
are very slowly realizing and this may
seem very obvious to some of you but it
is what it is
is that no matter what I put out into
the world I'm always going to run the
risk of pissing off or offending
somebody and as long as I'm being honest
and authentic to what I have to say it's
really not my job to tiptoe around that
I don't speak about this very often but
I have yet to make peace with the idea
that there will be people out there that
both see and treat me differently
because of a number that's associated
with my name by that I mean many things
but principle among them is that there's
a level of responsibility that didn't
exist before there are more expectations
now it has been hard for me to accept
that with bigger reach comes bigger
rejection and this may or may not
surprise some of you but on the way to
getting a million subscribers I've
actually lost over a hundred thousand
subscribers like 100 over a hundred
thousand people hit
subscribe which to me really shows that
you cannot please everyone nor should
you try i do sometimes wonder if i made
a deal with the devil by choosing to
make content for a living on social
media
I hate popularity contests there are
times what I really just don't want to
feed into the machine and of course I
want to have an impact I want to be
liked and it feels amazing to get new
subscribers I would never deny that but
I hate popularity contests and American
high school was kind of a miserable
experience for me because of that so I
feel weird about that and I just don't
want a number to ever define me and be
it what's in my bank account my age how
many women I've been with or how many
subscribers I have we do this in almost
every walk of life and it feels
sometimes dehumanizing you know you
can't measure what it means to be a
human with numbers I really do hope I
never become known for whatever number
or stupid metric we use to track success
and instead I don't know not that you
know something weird happens when you
post anything on the internet whatever
idea or concept that you had in your
head no law is like no longer yours and
become something that is no longer yours
instead it becomes something that anyone
can interpret and use however they so
choose and you you really have to just
make peace with that just got to do your
best and then move on everybody has
something to say some good some bad and
paradoxically when you're no longer
attached to their acceptance it becomes
easier to accept what they have to say
unfortunately people will always make
assumptions that are false and I'm
learning to accept that too you know
I've seen in the comments people saying
that the only reason I'm able to do the
travel that I do is because I have rich
parents that pay for these trips which
isn't true and never was the case both
of my parents are immigrants from South
America more specifically Argentina
which is a beautiful country but a
country that has suffered very very
serious economic problems hyperinflation
in particular is really bad over there
and that basically means that any money
that you have in the bank loses value at
my mom has all kinds of stories so they
came to the u.s. and work their entire
lives to try to give me better
opportunities which I think is something
all immigrants try to do and I'm telling
you the situation Argentina was pretty
bad like corruption again my mom has
insane stories about all of this
[Music]
get it sake Getti sake having these
stories always makes me really grateful
for the sacrifices of my family and my
ancestors but it also makes it really
tough to take credit for achievements
because I know nothing and no one is
fully self-made Malcolm Gladwell's book
outliers really helped me understand
that because I know the education I am
proud of that
I didn't care what the son accessory
because I value I think that helps if I
have that pressure I would have been
able to handle it yourself focus on that
because I see you from that that's all I
care and that's what I fear about your
work
be careful you are across rows you are
you being at crossroads now for a while
and you need to decide I recognize that
I'm at a crossroads I'm trying to figure
it out myself feel a lot of pressure
that I pose on myself you know yes yeah
the further I go through this process of
figuring out what the hell I'm doing the
stranger all gets my Italian friends
telling me me flat Joe therapy payment
Dottie which basically translates to I'm
playing too many mine
with myself and I guess I just worry
about having a positive impact about
doing the right thing about navigating
this new stage in my life I guess I'm a
little bit addicted to worrying because
even when everything feels like it's
going alright I invent new reasons to
worry and that's something I'm still
trying to figure out you can't pay
attention to all the noise that's going
on out there it will come and go
what what's important what matters is
your own journey and the things that
you're experiencing and the things that
you're creating you know a million
subscribers won't mean much when we've
all died and gone to heaven or hell or
cease to exist entirely or reincarnate
into goats
I love goats honestly I would be down
for that what I'm trying to say not so
eloquently is that I'm really grateful
to have made it to this point
but I don't want to define myself by it
and I hope that you won't define me by
it either what we've got going right now
cannot last forever so might as well
enjoy it well we've got it right before
I know it I'll lose this hair or get
wrinkles around my eyes and I won't have
as much energy as I do right now
I guess I've chosen this path because
I'm stubborn and I do not like to be
told what to do or what to think now
this would not be a video of mine if I
didn't include some kind of quote right
so here's a brilliant one by Anne Rice
that is often misattributed to Kafka by
the way just fun fact don't bend don't
water it down don't try to make it
logical don't edit your own soul
according to the fashion rather follow
your most intense obsessions mercilessly
only if you do that can you hope to make
the reader feel every particle of what
you the writer have known and feel
compelled to share
she made that quote obviously for
writers but I think it applies to
everybody the way I see things if your
life is a movie you do not necessarily
get to choose the script you've been
dealt the cards that you've been dealt
but you can still be the narrator you
still have the power to decide if
nothing else what you have to say about
it
you