Today, we're going to discuss with you a topic that brings power, principle and
purpose home. We call it family home evening. This is going to rock your world.
Vicki, we've had a practice in our family that I've realized in recent years (after
the kids are grown) has been a really powerful practice. And we've been
implementing this in some of our parenting groups and the programs that
we're doing for positive parenting. We call a family home evening. And some
people call it different things. It could be family council, family together time...
-Family night. -Family night. I have one family that calls it family drum circle.
Then whatever you want to call it. It's a meeting that you hold on a consistent
basis. We recommend weekly. There's other things you ought to do daily.
Like family dinner, for example. But this is a meeting that
you'll hold once a week for a couple of very specific purposes. And implementing
this as a culture or a tradition or a practice in your home has some very
clear benefits. -One of the biggest benefits of having a family time that
set apart a meeting.. And it's a meeting where you have a chance to converse and
talk about things. -Yes. -It opens up this whole window. It's like now is safe and
okay to talk about anything as a family. -About anything. Now, some of the things
you need to talk to your kids about are awkward. -Yeah.
-At least if feels awkward if it's just out of the blue. The other thing too is
you know we've talked so many times parenting. A lot of the times as parents,
we think we have to react in the moment. "I got to deliver my consequence in the
moment. We got it we got to hash this out." And generally, when your emotions are
high, a child's emotions are high is not the best time to kind of talk through
how things could have gone better. -That might be the worst time.
-Yeah, it is definitely. So,
family home even it also brings up a chance. "Okay, we're going to talk today
about how to No or how what to do when you come home
late. We're going to talk about it." -Or how to keep yourself safe. -These are
topics that are important to be taught. But when are you going to do it? We're
suggesting you do it during this time. This family meeting that you set up. A
little context around this, Vicki. In one of our groups recently, one of the
families was working on some self injurious behavior that their daughter
was engaging in. -Okay. -They weren't sure how to address this. Well, as we were
discussing this in the group, this mom asked a very simple question. She said,
"When are we gonna have that conversation?" And that brought up our discussion
about having a regular family meeting. Now, if it's held regularly, you set up an
expectation for the kids and you send a very strong message that our family is
important. And in fact, it is more important than anything else we could do
during this time. That's a powerful message. And then awkward topics like
self-harm for example. What are you going to bring that up? -Right. -Or certain
safety issues or personal hygiene or... Right? -Yeah. When are you going to bring it
up? Well, you simply say in the meeting, "This week's topic is..." And because you're
having it every week, it takes all the awkwardness out. -No.
-Our daughter still rolls her eyes. -But it gives you a chance to breach a
subject that you might not know when or how to introduce. -Now, there's some elements
that I would recommend that you implement. We already talked about having
this weekly. Pick a time. For us it was Monday night. Just every Monday night
after mom and dad got home from work, we would get together as a family and
there's a couple of specific elements that I would encourage you to include.
We've already talked about one. And that's a time for learning and
instruction. You as a parent are responsible for this. Do not trust the
world or society or the school to teach your kids what they need to know.
This is your responsibility and this is the time that we're going to do it. So,
there's a learning and instruction time. That could look like a lesson. It could
look like a discussion. It could look like watching a video. You can use any
video here on our channel for that segment of your family meeting. -One of
the hardest things for me as a mom I think was always that word consistent.
Everything, everything just being consistent in everything that we
do. And this is kind of a similar thing. Let's just pick a regular time and be
consistent. And just kind of commit to it. Now, it doesn't have to be long. A matter
of fact there were... He said that we called it family home evening. There were
many years what we called it family home moment. Because I felt like that was all
we could get to get all 4 of them down in one spot and
playing nicely and everything. But just be committed to a regular time and
just go for it. -And it doesn't have to be Monday night. It might be Sunday morning.
It might be Saturday afternoon. It might be Thursday in the middle of the day.
Whatever works for your family as long as you can keep that consistent, I think
it's going to work. -As parents, a lot of our job is very serious. We're
feeling a lot of responsibility for these young people. So, one of
the things that you can do with family home evening it's a chance to have fun.
Play a game together, laugh together, do some activity. I remember one
of the times our son was into.. What's that? Disc golf? -Yeah. Disc
golf. -So, he went up to a park and he taught us how to play disc golf one
night. And it was really fun. Really tiring. You know, just have different ways
of having fun. Maybe get outside together or go on a outing or a walk or whatever.
And anytime you can laugh together... Laughter really really bonds. -This also
increases your authority as a parent. We've talked before about how 2
essential elements of authority is having fun being seen as a provider of
good times and good things and being able to set and enforce appropriate
limits. This is a time for you, a context for you in which you can actually have
fun on purpose as a family. That is so powerful. Oh, and
we can't forget my favorite part. -Yeah. -Have a treat. Okay? Now, I'm not saying that
you should pay out on sugar, high carbs, whatever. Although occasionally, maybe.
Have something to enjoy together as sustenance as a treat. This gives your
kids something to look forward to. It gives you something to look forward to.
Let's be honest. Having that treat together, there's
actually research that shows that when you enjoy something edible together, it
increases a bond with the family. -And you know, we we mentioned earlier your mom
and dad are kind of driving this up. But don't forget that we are sharing the
responsibilities. So, there's lots of little places where you could have give
your child a chance to show some responsibility. Maybe they get to do
invitations or maybe they get to plan the treat. Or maybe they get to help make
the treat. Or bring up a topic that wants to be discussed or something. -And it's..
It's a great way because kids don't know sometimes how to lead your kind of
teaching them some leadership skills. -That's what I was just thinking that
this teaches some real-world, applicable life experiences that they get to apply
now in the work force at school. -Yeah, I was reading a recent study about
jobs and employers. They take skill. They look at the skill, the circle skill and
then they take the circle of interpersonal skills. Okay? So, you're the
hard skills that you need for a job and the interpersonal skills. And employers
will take the interpersonal skill person first. Because you can always teach
skills. And so, you're teaching your child how to collaborate. How to be in a
meeting and be in a collaborative situation right from the start. -And
they're working a team. -Yeah. It's a great skill. What better team is there than
your family. So, we've got a challenge for you. Start this now.
Don't wait till your kids are older. In fact, that's a worse time to do it. You
want to establish these patterns now. You might be thinking, "What if my kids are
older?" Yes. And they're going to get older still. So, start now and you don't have to
be perfect with this. But if you have those elements that we
talked about. Mom and dad drive this. Or mom or dad, if you're in a single-parent.
at home. Mom and dad drive this thing. You have a learning experience, you have an
activity that's fun and you have a treat. Can you do those 3 things? Let's
start with that. This is going to bring power, principle and purpose into your
home. -Thanks for joining us here and we hope that you're finding this helpful to
you as a parent. We have a lot more information we'd like to share with you.
-And there's a lot of you who are ready to take this to a higher level. Let's get
you into one of our courses or coaching programs. If that interests you and you
want us to be a more intimate part of your team, jump on a call with one of our
coaches. drPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall. That's going to get
you right to our calendar. We'll have a conversation with you about what's next.