Well, I'm rolling in the deep
Behind the Nonsense. Take one.
All right, just have fun up there.
And again, all that's there
just as a reference in everything
video-wise is added in post.
Sweeney's doing a lot of like fumfering and
I'm not fumfering at all. You're upsetting.
Now I remember there'll be some editing.
If you're unsure of anything, don't worry.
It'll come out.
Conan O'Brien here for another
edition of Behind the Nonsense,
where I get a chance to talk about
some of my favorite comedy bits.
I'm putting favorite in quotes,
because these were not selected by me
with the help of some of the people
who helped make them happen.
And today I'm sitting here with Andy Richter.
Hi, I'm so glad that you said that, right?
Yeah.
I was afraid you'd mispronounce it.
For six years on the air I called you Andy Rishter.
Yeah.
Remember that?
I just thought it was an affectation.
I thought you're trying to be classy.
I was for awhile.
Yeah, yeah, yeah
That's when I had a monocle,
first three years of the show,
Andy Rishter was my sidekick.
No, we're gonna just look back
at some of these moments from the show
and then tell you sort of what was going on.
Give you a little insight into our sick process.
If you can even call it that.
If we can remember,
If we can remember.
Yeah
I can, I am stunned at how many clips I see
where I have no memory and I would swear
before a jury that never happened.
And then they show me the clip.
We just saw one the other night.
It was a bit where you get stabbed.
And then you bled about a gallon of blood
live onstage on the show.
No recollection, whatsoever.
Well, I have no recollection cause I lost all that blood.
Oh right. Of course.
All that corn syrup that normally keeps you going.
(Conan laughs)
But anyway, one of the things we're going to do
is take a look at something we called scraps.
We would show these on the show occasionally.
And these were a fan favorite because
this is moments from rehearsal
and you get to see how terribly we dress.
You get to see us without makeup.
You get to see us when the show is
coming up in an hour and we're tense.
Mhmm.
And when I say we're tense, I'm tense.
You never gave a shit.
It's the secret to my success.
Exactly. So let's start with this scrap.
Let's take a look and then we'll talk it down.
Well, welcome back everybody.
I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving
Time with your families and loved ones.
Well with turkey and all.
Probably a real let down from being
around you and me.
Yeah!
Fucking relatives.
(crowd laughs)
It's tough when you get used to
this kind of repartee to go sit with real people.
Ugh. My sister-in-law's house,
You went to your sister-in-law's?
There were a bunch of people, I didn't know.
Is that true? But they were in show business?
None of them!
(Conan) What?!
None of them.
But they had great wealth, yes?
Some of them would seem to be doing just fine.
But in that Colorado way.
(crowd laughs)
Nice fleece.
You're saying they weren't in show business
and not all of them were well to do?
No, some of them were downright poor.
Ugh!
(Andy) They don't understand the struggle.
I went to the aisle of celebrity.
(Andy) Oh really?
Yes. We had a wonderful time.
I was there with Maude Adams.
(Andy laughs)
Dietrich Beder's brother, Hans.
Justine Bateman.
Shaquille O'Neal's lawyer.
Haha. Really?
Yes. Only the best celebrity island.
It's north of Nova Scotia.
It's freezing.
(Andy) Yes, freezing.
It's on the rocky shores.
You have to get your own food mussels and clams,
mussels and clams.
Okay what I see when I look at that
is I see a man who does not want to
rehearse the sketch that we're supposed to rehearse.
And you, instead of getting me to rehearse it,
you got your phone out
Yeah.
And you don't care.
And that enables me to not care even more.
Right.
And then we go into one of our classic riffs
where we're out of touch, completely out of touch.
Yes, Yes.
We assume everyone's a celebrity
and everyone's wealthy.
Yes, yes. They, because we're so humble.
That's the joke that we're so humble
and approachable and there's absolutely
no separation between us and the people
that work here. Those people.
Also. I know that when you, when I say upfront,
we're just back from Thanksgiving.
I hope you all had a good time.
Two weeks or something, yeah.
We were away for a while, but we're just back.
And those are the hardest shows.
When you show up at a rehearsal in a concrete box and
everyone's just back from a holiday
and there's no energy in the studio
and everybody's still kind of hung over on gravy
Yeah.
And wine. You that's the energy I'm working off of.
I'm picking that up in the room and
deciding to just tank rehearsal.
Yeah, and it's also kind of like
there's a production meeting or so I've heard,
earlier in the morning and then,
but this is kind of where you're addressing
cause people have it on in their offices.
I haven't seen everybody
You haven't seen everybody.
This is me saying, trying to say
welcome back. And I hope you had a good time,
but of course I can't do that.
Right.
I can't be a sincere human being.
So I have to be a character. Who's like, well,
I had a good time with your loved ones.
All right let's take a look at another scrap
and find out more about how it all works
behind the scenes.
(upbeat music)
I think Mr. Met is the worst, single worst,
Yeah. It looks like a botched experiment.
Yeah, it really does.
It looks like something that needs to be,
it looks like it's saying, please kill me.
(Mr. Met song plays)
Step right up and greet the Mets
Bring your kiddies, bring your wife
Guaranteed you'll have the time of your life!
Because the Mets are really socking the ball
knocking those home runs over the wall.
(Andy) knocking those homers over the wall
There's a Red Sox song that's awful.
Yeah, yeah
It was really, red sox
And it had a banjo it's always with the
fucking banjo.
I think there was one that literally
I'm like that, like that.
(Conan singing) Carl Yastrzemski, Carl Yastrzemski
(Song plays) Carl Yastrzemski, Carl Yastrzemski
Ugh!
(Andy) And it's a fucking banjo.
Of course, a fucking banjo.
That's a union thing
Carl Yastrzemski! Yeah. I want to have that.
Carl Yastrzemski put on my horn of my car.
(Song plays) Carl Yastrzemski, Carl Yastrzemski.
Go down the 4 0 5, someone's crowding me a little bit.
Carl Yastrzemski! Oh, man.
Oh, what I wouldn't give to have that.
Oh, you could get that done.
I could get that done.
Hello Tesla.
Tesla I have a quick request.
Oh, Tesla!
I know. I'm like the 50th to ask today,
but could I get Carl Yastrzemski
put on my horn?
(Song plays) Carl Yastrzemski, Carl Yastrzemski.
You just did it automatically? Thank you!
Thank you, Elon.
Elon's the best!
That'd be great. I just call.
What? An update?
What's that?
Can beef stew come out the back?
(Andy) Already is.
Already done? Thanks Tesla!
Only 40,000? Sure! Charge it to whoever
pays for these things.
(fake gunshot noise)
Conen O'Brien took his own life today
after ordering corn chowder to come out
the back of his Tesla.
There's a lot to unpack here.
First of all, there's a Twilight zone
where a kid in a family has ultimate power
and he's played by Billy Mumy and he terrifies
the whole family because he can make
whatever he wants to happen, happen.
That's kind of what it's like to have
one of these shows. You sit there at your desk
and you have an idea and you'll just reference
a song Mr. Met, or I will and immediately
it starts to play.
Somebody's on a computer, looking it up
And they're bringing it out.
Now, people watching this right now are yeah,
it's called an iPhone, asshole.
but it is kind of funny, they can project it.
So we would call up stuff and either
the video would come up or
the music would come up instantly.
And then we would go off on these wild jags like that,
where we're just talking bullshit.
None of that had anything to do with the show.
I love the quick shot of Jeff Ross in there.
Who's always just waiting for this madness
to end right? Cause we have a show to do
and he's not having it.
He's just like, can we get done with this?
But no, you and I are very happy with our little riff.
And then we find the Tesla component of it.
Yeah and that's the best part of our day, usually.
Yeah. That's the part where people
sometimes afterwards go,
that should be the show, which is so annoying
because if we did make that, the show,
you wouldn't really like it. You wouldn't.
I promise you, you would not,
but there's always someone afterwards,
on the crew or on the staff or someone
in the back, who wasn't even part of the show.
Who's just like, I saw that at rehearsal with the Tesla.
with the glasses, that's the show!
Not the shit you're doing. That's it!
And they act like the audience a week later
wouldn't just be Jeff Ross.
(Conan laughs)
Anyway, that was a lot of fun.
It's a little window into how much fun
you can have at rehearsal. Let's move on
and look at some other things.
Oh, Sweeney!
We've heard enough, Andy.
Fact! Santa hung out with
Jeffrey Epstein in the nineties.
Okay, don't, don't do that.
Look at this picture, Conen. See!
Jeffrey Epstein with Donald Trump and someone
else who was torn out.
Well, I tracked down the real picture.
I got the missing piece right here.
(muffled noise)
Shh, shh.
Oh ho, ho, ho, what a silly story.
Wasn't that silly, Conen?
Let's stop, let's stop.
I mean, we get the idea. It's okay, honey.
It's okay honey.
Daisy's been trained to attack a bad ending.
(crowd laughs)
(Daisy barks)
Honey, honey it's okay, it's okay
we'll fix it.
Daisy, sit. Daisy, sit. It's okay
(Conen) No, I know it's not okay.
(Andy) Daisy, it's okay.
I just talked to you earlier!
(Andy) Honey, honey, honey.
(Conan) I think you should go.
(Andy) Sweetie, sweetie, it's okay.
It's okay baby, don't worry. Don't worry,
it's okay, it's okay baby, it's okay!
Okay this I remember well, because
the sketch up to that point, it'd been going
for awhile, the sketch isn't and going well,
you brought your dog by and then
the actor who plays Santa comes out,
your dog starts barking at Santa.
And then I say, oh, the dog bark at bad endings.
I don't think what you see here is that
I kept going for a while about a dog trained
to detect a lazy writer,
coming up with a quick corny idea to end the sketch.
And then once I sink my teeth into something like that,
where I can go after the writers
in I think a joyous way, because God knows, I love them.
I'm as happy as a clam in a clam boat.
I'm so happy.
So I think that went on for a while.
You also get to see there, my style.
I am a guitarist who also flies a B 52 fighter.
Oh, I think we're being joined right now by,
by Jose Arroyo. Did you help write this sketch Jose?
No, I didn't help write it. I wrote it.
All by yourself.
I just want to say, yeah, you were saying, oh,
it was a lazy ending and stuff.
How can you say it got the best possible chance
when a dog
raced in and attacked
The actor that we cast, I don't know.
It just felt like it didn't get the best-
Did you think be honest?
So you think that the whole sketch could have been redeemed
by Santa coming out and chloroforming Andy,
you think that could have saved nine minutes of previous
sketch that had given us no laughter
It only felt like nine minutes.
(All laugh)
Damn it! It was a tight three, a tight three.
That's all I'm saying.
He's hated my dog since that day.
And guess what?
The dog was here and did not bark at
that hilarious comment that Jose made.
So the dog does know the difference between a funny
ending and that travesty we all witnessed.
That was for me though, aside from comedy wise,
that was like a very reassuring day for me.
I know that like if I ever get chloroformed,
my dog will be upset by it.
No, if you ever get chloroformed by Santa
your dog will save you. Anyone else,
your dog doesn't give a shit.
I used to bring, I used to bring her to rehearsal,
but I had to stop because twice
where Conan stands on his mark
was there was a rug and she twice
peed on that rug.
She came up onto the stage,
smelled that rug, and peed on it.
Has never peed inside anywhere else.
No, that's a dog,
Never, ever, ever.
That's a dog marking its territory.
I thought I was doing some funny stuff there.
And secretary came running in.
No, I guess you decided it was over.
We were getting into some pee pee humor.
No, no, no, no. Wait till the rifts are done.
You can come in. There's plenty of time.
No, I mean, we're done with this one.
You cut it off. It's over.
Oh please. I need to focus.
I need to focus to remember the good times.
This is awful. Let's never do this again.