Hello, Internet! It's Rap News with a brand new edition set
to present views and events in this grand human experiment.
And this week we hear of some hugely significant developments
in the search for the Ultimate Origin of Life, The Universe and Everything.
Indeed, this evening we’re receiving the very latest prophecy,
direct from the top physicists in Switzerland at the CERN laboratory,
who are now about to come out with a major announcement about a tiny discovery:
welcome, Doctor Scott Ridley.
- Robert, thanks for having me.
- Will you make a statement? - This is an epic win!
After decades examining the Standard Model to explain Everything
we finally know what gave mass to all the crap in the universe,
This is the big-bang climax to all of our huge research.
- It certainly seems to have caused Mass-debating...
- Can you blame us? We had a hard-on for the Hadron
as a way to connect with our Makers: the Quantum Mechanics; our MASSters.
We followed the signs they left us: leptons, photons and quasars.
Big things have small beginnings, and we’re getting close to getting answers to our questions
Today’s advances could be the key to unlocking the cosmos and its vast dimensions
Our inner-space-ship, the Large Hadron Collider, will take us higher
than Mount Olympus, where we'll finally grab and acquire the divine fire.
- What answers do we require?
- Well, listen closely
we’ve spent four decades of intense focus, travelling deep into this ocean,
patiently thawing out the intricate coding that's been frozen,
all because our storyline was missing a key particle component
To explain how it all holds together for more than a slim moment
without which there'd be no planets, galaxies, life, just endless chaotic motion.
so we recreated the prime explosion, eventually exposing
the prophesied and postulated, legendary Higgs boson!
- Ah, what people call the "God Particle"!?
- Ohhh, Science! don't call it that, you fool!
Our holy boson is not like God at all.
That’s heretical. God doesn't exist, he's invisible, and theoretical.
WE have evidence: at the level of 5 Sigmata, forget these cults!
We've found the MASS-iah, and Genesis; come and check our results.
in the mass region of a hundred and twenty six gigaelectronvolts!
- So can we see this remarkable object in the depth of your vaults?
- Errrr... no. None can see it with their mortal eyeball,
only in our mighty temple can we detect its presence passing before
it decays and dies to give Life, sacred Mass, to us all.
- We stand in awe; but tell us: what is it all for?
- Various practical functions: interstellar travel could become like grabbing a cab at a junction
or we could always make a brand new weapon of MASS destruction.
- Actually, I meant, what is our overall purpose though,
as a civilisation; what is it we’re searching for?
- I'dunno.
- Is this Big Bang story our creation myth to believe in?
- Don’t take the piss! myth? Stop behaving like a heathen in this age of reason, bitch!
- But what was there before this Boson came around?
- Silly Robert! Everyone knows by now: It's turtles all the way down.
- Thanks, Professor, for coming in this momentous evening
to tell us about anti-matters of Life, the Universe and Everything;
to explain clearly the latest theories in our grand quest for meaning
in which we attempt to tell ourselves what's Real and what's Dreaming.
Isn't it easy to forget, as our Odyssey continuously unfolds
that the answers which the Universe eventually elects to disclose
appear to depend entirely on the Questions we pose?
...That's it for the show. See you all for more next episode.