if you had a leader at work he did not respect and no is ineffective and you've
communicated that to him yet when they see you they try to shake your hand how
would you react and how would you deny their handshake offering preciate the
feedback so um okay this is just off the off the mark I hope people realize that
this is no it's okay I mean I understand the reason I put this in there just
because this is what we talked about earlier where you think man I'm hold the
line mmm and I'm I'm holding the line and this is my expectations of a leader
and you don't fit it so I'm gonna number one I'm gonna tell you number two if you
try and shake my hand you're not getting right so that's what we call an
adversarial relationship and is not what we want how let me ask you this how is
this gonna help your cause to have an adversarial relationship with your boss
how does it help your cause is he gonna listen to you more or less
is he gonna support you more or less will he give you what you want more or
less which one you won't shake his hand and and you think he's gonna support you
in any way no and furthermore is he if you have an adversary relationship with
your boss is he more likely to promote you into a position where you can have
more control over decisions for the team and for your own future what do you
think the answer to that is negative all those answers are obvious this whole
concept is wrong our job is to build a relationship with our boss and honestly
with everyone else for that matter that's what we're trying to do
straight-up disrespecting the boss or again anyone is not gonna help our cause
it's gonna hurt it now this doesn't mean that we're kissing ass this doesn't mean
that we're folding it doesn't mean that why don't week this is the this is the
this is the challenge for me to convince people that want to be strong leaders
that doesn't mean that you are weak it
actually takes more strength to control your emotions it takes more strength to
remain professional it takes more strength to focus on the long-term win
and not the short-term frustration it takes more strength to keep your ego in
check and I would say that this whole question is a good is it isn't indicator
to me I might need to check my own ego okay
am i critical of my boss am i critical because of my boss because I'm a little
bit jealous that possible am i critical of my boss because I think
I deserve the job more than they do do I think that my boss got lucky or he he's
a brown-noser or he's favored some way that's why he got it and I'm gonna be
bitter about it and therefore I'm not gonna respect him all those right there
ego talking right full on the ego talking so you got to put the ego in
check you gotta support the boss and you gotta support the team then that's the
best way to support the boss and support the team and the obvious caveat to this
is if the boss is doing something that's illegal or immoral or unethical then
fine yeah of course absolutely you can call him out you can deny his handshake
you can report him up the chain of command or to the authorities because if
you're part of what he's doing and you know it then you're complicit in the
activities so you're at risk anyways and it's the right thing to do so obviously
in those cases yeah you you can hold your ground but barring those extreme
circumstances what you want to do with your boss is build the relationship and
again it's not just your boss it's your peers
it's your chain of command up and down you want to build those relationships
instead of breaking them yeah yeah it seems it's so funny not funny it's
interesting how when you lay it out and I'm sure a lot
it maybe even when it's listening to this just hearing this question out loud
it seems obvious you know but really trying to think about yourself in this
situation yeah where yeah you don't like this guy and maybe said some stuff to
offend you even and you don't respect them obviously so yeah like you don't
shake this guy's hand like how you feel is a lot of times what dictates your
behavior you know towards people and just otherwise so when you're in the
situation this is kind of like it's so hard to be like yeah I don't respect his
whole methods I don't like any of this stuff he's gonna come shake my hand it's
so hard to be like sure and and do what you're talking about yeah it can be put
your ego in check put your emotions in yeah yeah put your attitude in check and
just go hey boss how's it going today you know everything's going good here
yeah so appreciate the support you've been giving us I there's one decision
you made I was kind of wondered about I'd love to get love to pick your brain
on at some point oh really whereas if I just go I don't want to
shake your hand I hate you I basically disrespect you and I hate
you and I what you do decision you made over here was wrong is he gonna listen
to me there's no chance there's no chance you're gonna wait you're gonna
lose the argument yeah me when I go in there and I say hey boss how's it going
yes yeah no problem hey yeah one thing I wanted to pick your
brain about this decision you made over here is he gonna listen to me got a
better chance still might say no but guess what I'm fighting a long war i'ma
outlast if I'm out work I'm gonna help maneuver him yeah my boss is gonna do
what I wanted to do I know and yeah you got to keep that in mind man yeah when
you're in it when you lose that little bit cuz really that's what it is when
you're shaking your hand and you're like in your head you're like I hate you I
don't want to shake your hand freakin get your hand out of my face
your whole existence of your hand front my face is an insult that's what you're
thinking so if you shake it you lost that battle and then that's bad right
there for you that's it feels that it's it's it's very
very immature when yeah at the time yeah if you got your emotions get all crazy
if you're not being strategic that's every of you're not thinking about
winning yeah and by no means right playing the game correctly
no that's what the point is I understand good if one more say it out loud it's
like you know what you you you just indicated to me something very obvious
is that over time you know over time you get to Italy okay
you go for a hard workout and you get to you look forward to the feeling
afterwards of that yeah I did this hard work out there's endorphins or whatever
you know I'm gonna tell you at some point I developed some sort of attitude
where when I do when I control myself and I make a good strategic move it
feels just as good it feels way better than the short-term oh man I really told
him no no wrong answer you lost you won the battle lost the war idiot that's
what I feel like if I make that mistake right that's absolutely correct
don't you condition yourself to the whole process you know because you
probably went through it a few times tasted the fruits you know of winning a
lot but it's so it's just with experience exactly right exactly right
so and there's ways you can kind of do that to yourself like I do if like even
if you haven't liked it really when when you boil kind of your whole way of
thinking down when you do have an ego that you think is like a functional ego
use that ego to win the long words so like kind of like what I did with
getting mad it's like no one can like my like no one's going to tell me I have
low self-esteem because really you know anger anger issues is usually because of
low self esteem so in this case you could be like hey if you ever facilitate
that adversarial relationship where you don't shake his hand or you're like you
wanna as he said you've communicated that to him you have a leader that you
don't respect and you know is it effective and you told them okay so keep
that when you say stuff like that consider that as like your weakness like
just tell yourself that what it is really say that's your weakness for
forgetting the Longmore and for and for showing your cards that showing your cut
yes yeah just it's this little internal thing you tell yourself and then just
like how you're saying where you feel dumb any lose you if your ego can't
Hamlet can't handle all that then I'll go back to my point that I said this
doesn't mean you're weak right it means that you are winning
yeah but flip it around as far as what you tell yourself like you know it feels
weak to lose a small battle I understand but flip it around and say hey saying is
you know if you win it at the expense of the long that means you're weak say that
to yourself yeah it'll get easier yes you're right if you lose the long-term
battle you're even more weak yes that's the big
weakness for their weakness