♪
MONICA: Hi. CHANDLER: Hey.
-Welcome home. -Oh well, look at you.
-Yeah. What do you think? -Well, it's great. It's just--
well, I'm wearing the same thing underneath. MONICA: Oh.
[Audience laughing]
See what I mean?
[Loud thud at the door]
JOEY: Hey! How come your door's locked? -Just a second.
-No, no, no, no, no. Joey can't know that I'm here.
-Why not? -Because I didn't know how to tell him
that I couldn't go to the Knicks game. So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa
-So, you lied to him?
-Achhh. It's always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.
Except with you. [Joey turns the knob several times]
-Hey! Open the door. What's going on?
[He knocks]
MONICA: Hi! -What are you-- Why are you dressed like that?
-Oh, because, um... well, Chandler's going to be home
in a couple of days. So, I thought I would, just, uh,
you know, practice the art of seduction. -Oh, I thought I heard a man's voice before.
-Oh I was just doing Chandler's side of the conversation. You know, like,
"Hi, how do I look?" (As Chandler) "Really sexy.
Could I BE any more turned on?"
[Audience laughing]
-Okay. Whoa, whoa.
Why are there two glasses of wine out? -Because, one of them is for you!
Cheers. Okay, bye-bye!
-You know, it's funny. I've been, ah,
practicing the art of seduction myself.
Hi ya.
[Audience laughing]
-You might want to keep practicing. -Yah.
[Chandler's cell phone rings]
It's Joey. -What?
Hey Joe. -Dude, come home!
[Audience laughing]
-What? Why? -COME. HOME.
[Audience laughing]
-Look I, I can't. What's going on? -I don't know how to tell you this but, uh...
I think Monica's cheatin' on ya.
I told you shouldn't have married someone so much hotter than you.
[Audience laughing and applauding]
All right look. If you can't come home
and deal with this, then I'm gonna. -NO!
-I just heard him!
[Audience laughing and applauding]
-(softly) Can you... hear him... now?
[Audience laughing]
-No. All right, I'm going in. -NO! WAIT!
-I heard him again!
[Audience laughing and applauding]
-All right, look. Just stay there. I'm coming home.
-Okay. Great. I'll see you when you get here.
I'm gonna wait out in the hall in case the dude comes out.
[Audience laughing]
-Is that really necessary? -Absolutely. You'd do it for me.
Not that you ever have to because I know how to keep my women satisfied.
[Audience laughing]
♪
[Audience laughing]
-Yeah, I didn't stay for the detention, I'm not gonna read the report card.
[Audience laughing]
-Hello. -(screaming) Ahhh! Leonard! Hi!
-Keep your voice down. -Oh, my God.
You weren't supposed to be here till Sunday. -(whispering) We finished the experiment early,
so I thought I'd come home and surprise you. -Oh, my gosh, why are we whispering?
-I didn't tell Sheldon, so we could have a few days alone.
-Oh, that is so romantic. -Uh, sure, that's why I did it.
[Audience laughing]
-Oh, I just cannot believe you're here. SHELDON: Penny, it's your lucky day.
Three of the eggs are clearly not jumbo. Grab your keys.
[Audience laughing]
-I'm sorry. I'm just distracted by something that happened over at Penny's.
-What happened? -I fear Penny is being unfaithful to Leonard.
-What? -She claimed to be alone when there was obviously
someone else in her apartment. I have no choice but to assume the worst,
given Leonard's lengthy sea voyage and her famously ravenous nether regions.
[Audience laughing]
-I don't think Penny would cheat on Leonard. -Oh, really?
[Audience laughing]
She and I once had a staring contest
She clapped really loud and made me blink.
It's a small leap from there to sexual infidelity.
[Audience laughing]
-You're being ridiculous.
-Amy, there were Chinese food containers...
...in the trash can.
[Audience laughing]
-Poor Leonard.
[Audience laughing]
-Do you hear anything? -I hear a woman's voice.
-Is it Penny? -No, it's you.
All right, I hear whispering and giggling.
Now I think I hear kissing. -Yeah, like you know what kissing sounds like.
-There's kissing in Star Trek, smarty-pants.
-Let me listen.
Sounds like Leonard.
-Please. Why would Leonard come home early and waste his time kissing Penny
when he could be hanging out with his best buddy?
[Audience laughing]
Yeah, that's it. I'm catching her in the act.
-No, Sheldon, don't.
-Aha!
PENNY: What the hell? -Leonard?
-Sheldon, you cannot just barge in here like that! -Right.
[Audience laughing]
SHELDON: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.
(Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.
[Audience applauding]
Are you going to answer the door or should I open it and say 'aha' again?
[Audience laughing]