Hello Brains!
I'm super-busy right now.
There are a lot of things I'm supposed to be doing...
...that I'm definitely behind on, but eh...
...that's kind of my
♪ [intro music] ♪
ADHDers are often overwhelmed, exhausted...
...and behind on
There are a lot of reasons for this.
But one of the big ones is that we tend to say
...to more than we probably should.
Why?
Enthusiasm. People pleasing. Impulsivity.
People pleasing. Low self esteem. My time isn't valuable.
Time blindness. Etc.
[inhales]
So we over-commit.
The problem with that is we end up overwhelmed and exhausted..
The more we take on, the more we increase our workload.
Which is a key-factor in burnout.
Which I talk about in
Which means the things that are important but not urgent...
...often don't get done.
Until they are urgent, at which point it is often...
...really expensive to put out the raging fire that they have become.
In terms of sleep, energy, money.
For example, I had so much going on last year...
...I didn't have time to take over the title on my mom's car.
Which I was already driving.
So I kept putting it off.
Until I started getting tickets because the registration had expired.
Now I have to pay those tickets...
...pay extra to expedite switching over the title...
...and take a lift to my studio or get Dr. B. to pick me up.
Until I get the new registration or I will get more tickets.
Honestly, every time I thought of it...
...I really didn't have the time or the bandwidth to do it that day.
Or that week.
In retrospect, I probably could have made the room for it.
How? By saying
Sleep. [off camera] - You need to sleep! Other than sleep.
As Renee Brooks puts it, "Guard your
She has a point.
Because even if we technically have time to
We still have limited amounts of energy and mental bandwidth to get them done.
Which is why, apparently, most people have something called "white space" in their day.
Space they'll tend for things to take longer than they expect.
Or unexpected things to land on their plate.
So we want to be really selective about the things we agree to do.
This is easier said than done.
Because,
But here are some of the most helpful things I have learned.
And I'm putting in a video so I remember.
And can reference the next time...
...I am tempted to say
1. Have some way of determining...
...what types of things we will and won't say yes to.
Because our brains don't naturally prioritize well...
...it can be critical for our brains to externalize that decision-process.
2. Buy ourselves time to decide.
If we don't have to make the decision in the heat of the moment...
...we'll be more likely to make a decision...
...that's in line with our goals, values, and priorities.
And the time and energy we actually have.
3. Say no when it makes sense to say no.
This can be hard for us.
But there are some ways to make it easier.
I promise.
So, how do we determine what kinds of things we'll say
In advance.
ADHD brains have trouble effectively prioritizing in the moment.
'Cause the Executive Function system we use in the heat of the moment...
...that
...that's impaired.
But our
...the one we use when we're not in the heat of the moment...
...actually works pretty well.
So we can prepare our list of priorities in advance.
And then keep them somewhere we can see them.
So we don't forget what they are.
We can even have a list of anti-priorities.
Things that we are deliberately not going to say yes to today.
Or this month.
Or this year.
The goal here is to reduce the odds...
...that our ADHD brains will decide for us.
Solely based on what feels urgent and/or exiting.
We can get help with prioritizing too.
ADHD coaches. Accountabilibuddies.
Team-mates. You can even ask your boss: "Can you help me prioritize?"
We can also start paying attention to where our boundaries and limits are.
For example, I've noticed I can only handle about an hour of admin work a day.
Before my brain nopes out.
If you're not sure where your boundaries are...
...one way to figure it out is to notice when you start hitting your limit.
In terms of energy, patience, or effectiveness.
Personally, I've noticed I can only be effective...
...with three priorities at a time.
Any more than that, I get overwhelmed.
And I start avoiding all of them.
In the moment, when you're asked...
..."Hey, you wanna do this super-fun, important, exciting thing?"
We don't usually actually have to decide right away.
We might need to respond right away.
But we can do so with something called
If something sounds exiting and fun...
...we can say "Wow, that sounds really great!"
Without actually saying yes.
Non-commital is just that.
Not committing, one way or another.
We can ask questions.
Like, "What does this super-fun, exciting, important thing entail?"
To get more information.
Or say "I need to run this by my team."
Or "Let me check my schedule."
I am pointing this out because I genuinely...
...used to think you had to say yes or no right away.
But in most cases, we actually don't.
If we do have to make a decision...
...as to whether or not to commit to something on the spot...
...there's a super-fast trick I like.
That still gives us a little pause to think.
Which is, to ask yourself: "Would I do this tomorrow?"
The theory behind it is if you say yes...
...you either have enough free time that you could.
In which case, you'll probably have enough free time in the future too.
Or, it's important enough that you would cancel stuff for it.
This technique avoids the
..."well, I don't have time for this now...
...but this project is not-now, so yeah, I'll have time for it then."
No. No, you won't.
That's future-me's problem.
Future-you is still you.
And not-now is just future-now.
The point is, sometimes we will have to say
This will definitely be the hardest part for some of us.
But there are ways to make it easier.
1. to remind ourselves that we're not...
... the only person who can do this thing.
Whatever it is.
Let yourself feel infinitesimal.
While everyone's skill-set is unique...
...there's at least someone who can do some of the things you can do.
Also, a no doesn't have to be negative.
You can be supportive without agreeing to participate.
Just because it's a good idea...
...doesn't mean it's a good idea right now.
Or that it's a good fit for you.
For example, you can say: "That sounds really exciting."
"But I'm not available that week."
You may have to repeat your no.
If someone tries to push you into agreeing.
In which case, a helpful trick...
...is instead of justifying or explaining your no...
...just repeat it.
"But I think it's really important."
"I think it'll be worth it for you to be there."
"I'm not available that week."
If we don't over-explain, they can't disagree with our explanation.
Explaining our reasoning gives them a chance to argue with our reasoning.
Also, Jessica, in the future...
...if you're watching this video, probably...
...avoid consolation commitments.
"I'm not available that week."
"But hey, next time I'll help you plan the whole event!"
Yeah.
We don't owe someone a consolation prize just because we can't give them a
It's okay for them to be disappointed.
Can we get that on a t-shirt?
Full disclaimer: people don't usually like being told no.
So they might be upset to receive a no.
Regardless of how supportive we are.
Especially if they're used to us saying yes.
That's okay.
If they're upset, they might not understand boundaries yet.
And modeling healthy boundaries can help them realize...
...it's okay for them to have them to.
It can also make people feel safe...
...to know where our boundaries actually are.
And they can feel comfortable asking for things.
Because they know they aren't asking too much if we say yes.
Because otherwise, we would have said no.
Saying no isn't fun.
There are so many exciting and important hings in the world.
But contrary to what our brains may tell us in the moment...
...we cannot actually do all the things.
So we have to be selective in the things that we do say yes to.
So we have the time to do the things that are important to us.
Like, taking care of our doggos...
...or maintaining our regular meditation or exercise-schedule.
And the things that are required of us.
Like car registration.
Again, before we're asked...
...we can determine what types of things we will and won't say yes to.
When we're asked, we can buy ourselves time to decide.
And when it makes sense to, we can say no.
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Thank you to my Brain Advocates and all my Patreon Brains.
For allowing me to say
So I can say
Like, subscribe, and click all the things.
Or don't. Because you're allowed to say
I'll see you next video.
Bye Brains!
♪♪