- The single reason that I deal with
negative comments so easily is
'cause I have empathy for them.
- Yup.
- I feel bad for them.
(intro music)
You've got more perspective.
(crowd cheering)
I just wanna be happy, don't you wanna be happy?
- Hey guys, here with the man himself, Gary.
Here to talk about all things mental health.
- Okay.
- So, as you may or may not remember,
when we met back in London, I'm a psychiatrist
and I think we've done mental health
all wrong as a society.
We named it something negative, mental health,
mental health awareness, awareness
of this big scary beast called mental health.
- Sure, sure.
- I wanna try and flip it on its head
and make mental health this thing
that we all try to achieve rather than trying to avoid.
What do you think about that?
- Yeah, I think that's right, I think
the first way we can do that is
to change it to mental happiness
instead of mental health or put to your point,
position it a little bit lighter
'cause it feels heavy as shit.
- And there's a couple questions I have for you
'cause there's some things that kind of sat with me
when I met you back in London. First of which was,
you mentioned something about wanting to meditate, right,
but that you were a bit scared to do it
because you were worried it was going to unlock something.
Tell me about that, what are you scared it's gonna unlock?
- Yeah, I mean, I think it was, you know,
much like a lot of things I do,
a little bit was tongue in cheek
but I think it's important to preserve
things that are working.
- Yup.
- And I think that sometimes people,
you know, you look at athletes that overwork something
that's working and then they get injured.
- Right.
- And so, you know, the tongue in cheek statement of,
I'm scared to do meditation because
I might fuck up something is more of an ode to,
geez, I'm so grateful, so grateful for my mental happiness
- Yep.
that I'm not, let me say it on the record,
I do not believe that if I started to meditate
that it would unlock some door that opened up
a new framework that made me not as happy.
At the same token, I'll be very frank,
I would rather have those 25 minutes to do something else,
whether it's exercise, whether it's to spend time
with somebody, whether it's to work on my business,
because at least for now, it's going the way,
and I also do believe what I'm about to say,
I feel like I'm meditating at all times.
I'm very capable of deploying
macro perspective at all times.
Literally as we sit here now,
there's something running in my brain that says,
God, it's so good that everybody you care about is healthy.
- Right. That's amazing, that's actually incredible.
Yeah, and that's the thing I guess that's the thing
that everyone should try and take, is that ability
to be present at all times in what they're doing
and be able to do, and that kind of brings me on
the other thing that I wanted to ask you about
is Clouds and Dirt as a philosophy.
It's phenomenal and it kind of resinates deeply
with a lot of things that I believe.
Which is, I've always described it as taking on a
super position. Like, which is when tiny little atoms
can take on two different states, that don't appear to be
related in anyway, actually contradictory at the same time
and that's kind of what you're getting at with the clouds
and dirt right? And as much as you've got to be both here
and up here at the same time. It's kind of being in the
state simultaneously, rather then in the middle right?
- Massive, global, massive. Audacious perspective.
- Yep.
And deep practical capabilities.
- Yep.
- You know, double p's right? If you can have proper
macro perspective, and you can have micro practionership.
You will be happy and win.
- Yep.
- I really believe that.
- Yeah.
- Having the humility and the audacity,
back to your contradiction.
- Absolutely.
- But, yeah. That's how I go to clouds and dirt.
- That's okay.
- 'Cause I've always been fascinated by that, about me.
Which is, the things I'm willing to do. Right now.
That are below my pay grade. This podcast.
This is super scrutinized by the people around me.
- Right.
- They're like, " Why are you doing this? We don't have
15 minutes for very important shit. You're letting money
opportunity, VIP's, why are you doing this?", I don't know?
Like, intuitively while we were talking I thought it was
a good idea and in my massive perspective, giving back,
look, you're going to leverage me being on this show.
- Absolutely. For sure.
- And that makes me feel good, that's me giving back.
- Right.
- This is a bigger thing, giving you these 15 minutes,
than me giving you $15,000 for your app.
- For sure.
- For me. It's easier to write the check.
- And for me.
- So, for me, humility and perspective, I don't know
how many very busy people are running around, knowing
that they need to put change into the bucket of giving
back in their time, not their money.
- And how often are you aware that you're thinking that?
- Always, always on.
- Are you fully in tune what you're think and feeling
all the time?
- Yes.
- Yeah?
- That goes back to, why would I need to stop my state
to do that? When that's the only thing I'm doing?
- How did you get there?
- I have no idea.
- Really? So, you don't know if it was your childhood?
Your parents?
- Of course, right? DNA, circumstance, nature, nurture.
But, then that doesn't allow me to say,
"well, then go do this.". What I can do is, the thing
I like to do is reinforce through my words.
'Cause communication is the most powerful tool.
- Right.
- Of like, what is happening here.
Like, yesterday I'm like, "Save your money.",
that's a practical, tangible advice.
- OK.
- And then, two posts earlier that a lot of people see
is, in 35 years your grandkids will read everything you've
posted. Have the perspective, I don't want to sell anybody
a course. I don't want to pontificate that I,
"do these 13 steps people, and you'll be like me.".
I'm just speaking the truths.
Probably no different, maybe how I got there was
healing truths. I'm very good at eating my own dog food.
- OK.
- So, like, even your question maybe just got me
into another place. Listening to my mom's macro perspective.
Being forced to be a practitioner
because I was bad at school.
So, if you're gonna make money, go make money.
- OK.
Survive in society, work. Hard work matters.
I'm very passionate about sharing my points of view
for free, in perpetuity. And I have a communication style
that clearly resonates.
- OK.
- And so, then all of the sudden once I figured out
that that was true, then it became
a sense of responsibility.
I'm very aware that for an enormous amount of 21
year old guys in the world, I'm going to be the guy
that puts them onto kindness and gratitude and empathy.
Nobody else can do it.
- Absolutely.
- I believe that.
- That's incredible. I think that too. I think the way
that you frame kindness and empathy in a way that it
is practical.
- And even cool right?
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Like, if you're gonna break through an 18 year old
guy, you're not gonna get him through aphorism, you're
not gonna get him. Right?
- Absolutely. You're right. You're right.
- And so I don't have idiology, I just have ambition.
There's no way I want to go about doing it, I just
want it to happen. I want everybody to be happier,
kinder, more grateful, more empathetic.
A lot of good will happen. There's so much abundance.
Do you know how much food gets thrown out of New York City
every night?
We have abundance in the macro and so, I think that there's
and abundance of love, but it's not being deployed.
- OK, okay.
- And I want to think about that.
- Nice. So, when things don't go your way, have you
ever gotten to a a bad place? Have you ever been anxious?
Have you ever been down to the point where things feel
a little out of control?
- No.
- It's never happened?
- No. And honestly, I think it will.
- Why do you think it will?
- Well, because I think somebody's that I love is going
to die. And I'll feel some of that.
You know, I think most people feel out of control in
business and relationships. I don't care about money.
And I never want to do the wrong thing for another person.
Which gives me all the leverage to not be in that place.
- OK.
- You know, people get anxious because somebody else has
more leverage with them in their relationship. And they need
them, but they can't control them.
And that's when that person goes awry in a different
direction, they feel anxious.
- Right.
- Nobody has a relationship with me where they have
the leverage emotionally.
- OK.
- So, that makes me, not have that issue.
And then, very frank man. Once and for fucking all,
I just don't care about the money.
- Yeah.
- Like I'm fine making $47,000 a year. And reading all
the comments on Instagram and LinkedIn that I was a loser
and lost it all. Interested. Interested!
- So what do you want to be remembered for at the end?
- That I have a hell of a lot more than I took.
- OK.
- I want to be the greatest entrepreneur of all time.
Because entrepreneurship is what I do, and I think the
way I do that is to, A: build big businesses and exits
and companies and put the points on the board.
- Right.
- But who I am.
- OK. Yeah. Aboslutely.
- I mean like, I want to inspire the most entrepreneurs
to be happy not just successful. Like, there's so many
people who are gonna be unhappy making a million in a year
that would've been thrilled making $630,000,000.
That is the #1 conversation that happens to me.
- So, that's they thing right? Self awareness.
- Correct!
- And that's exactly what this is all about. When you know
yourself, stuff can happen in life, 'cause it can happen
to any of us. You know, people can die, things can happen,
we can lose a lot. But when you know what it is that moves
you, when you know what it is that makes how you think, that
stuff can't effect you in the way that It can when it just
seems random.
- And when you use that self-awareness as a leverage point
to eliminate the judgment of others.
- Absolutely.
- People are struggling 'cause of judgment.
- Yeah. Where does that judgment come form? In your opinion.
- It's an outside source that creates and inside voice, that
makes you believe it.
- Why do people judge online? Why do people judge?
- People judge in real life.
- Yeah, but why do they do it?
- Because their insecure.
- Absolutely. That's exactly right.
- Of course.
But it starts with the parents.
- Yeah.
- Lets talk about immigrant cultures, right?
- Yep.
- Parents put pressure because they care about what
other parents think about their kids.
The brown culture, the Asian culture,
the Eastern European culture, the Asian culture, it's very
obvious.
- Yeah.
- In the moment that we all grew up, being a doctor,
a lawyer, an engineer is on a pedestal.
That's the current thing that's on a pedestal.
Thus, you need to be one.
- And I was one. Well, I am one. Yeah.
- Correct. Why? Because it's important for the generation
above you and that's how they judged each other.
- Absolutely.
- The reason I'm happy is because my mom didn't give
a fuck about other peoples opinions.
If my mom was cliche, like every other
Eastern European Jewish mom,
that she came over to this country with from Russia,
I would be a miserable NYU Doctor too.
- Yeah.
- So, to me, I can't bank on the world having a mom like me.
So, now, I've decided to be their mom.
- I'm like you, yeah.
- And that's really real for me bro. Like I have a level
of guilt and gratitude. And it's a mix and it's
manifested into me making this content.
I want to be that guy for them.
- Yep.
- Cause I was given it.
- That's amazing. So, yet going back to that then.
So, what that creates, I guess. I have my own insecurities.
- Game over.
- So, then what I try and do is I try and project that onto
you.
- Of course. Misery loves company. That's very real.
Can I tell you something?
The singular reason that I deal with negative comments so
easily, is 'cause I have empathy for them.
- Yeah.
- I feel bad for them.
- Absolutely.
- The thought that I would ever spend time to go on
somebody else's account and shit on them, with my three
minutes. I'm gonna watch your video for a minute, and then
think for a minute, and then write for a minute,
that you're a loser and that was stupid?
You must be broke emotionally.
- Yeah.
So, yeah, I'm trying to start this thing.
'Cause I was at Facebook the other day with a mental
health event. And I was trying to tell all these guys
that were in communities that, why don't we rehabilitate
the trolls? 'Cause like.
- I do.
- That's how we fix it right?
- I want to engage, yeah.
- But you know what? I think we need to be careful not
to be out aphoristic. Why don't we understand?
- Absolutely.
- Right? But you know what I mean?
- Absolutely.
- Because when somebody here is going to rehabilitate me,
it's like fuck you, fuck you!
- I get it.
- You got me?
Listen, you're very smart. You're right about mental health.
Positioning matters. This is why I am who I am.
Words matter, Right?
- Absolutely.
- Not that I'm jumping on it because I say things, but,
if we can, why do you think I called my wine "Empathy"?
Have empathy, come from that frame work.
- Absolutely. That's where it's at. As soon as can call this
empathy, then everything changes. The game changes.
- Everything.
- Everything, internally it all changes.
Because, then you suddenly realize, where does hate
come from? It comes from a fear of the unknown,
or projection of my own reality.
- A hundred percent.
- As soon as I understand that, then hate to me,
feels very different.
- A hundred percent. It's such a weakness.
Hate is such a weakness. When I see hate, I'm like
wow, this person is very weak. And they think that
they are strong.
- Right.
- People are confused.
- Yeah.
- Humility, and empathy, and gratitude. That's strength.
- Absolutely, man.
That's exactly where it's at.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you so much.
- I'm glad we did it.
- Thank you.
Man, one last thing, can you feel it mood it for me?
- What's that?
- Feel it. Mood it.
- What's up everybody its Gary Vaynerchuk.
Feel it. Mood it.
- Thank you Gary.
- You're welcome brother.
- Thank you.
- Talk to you soon.