- So there's this idea that we are taught
at a very young age,
and that is when something isn't working for us,
whether it's school
or work or something on the athletic field,
let's say you're playing football,
like when I was playing football,
if you weren't doing well,
just work harder, push harder, invest more.
And we're just always taught never give up,
always put more into things.
Now that does work.
I mean hard work and investment,
and putting more into something
tends to get you more results
in most areas of your life.
However, when it comes to relationships,
sometimes that's just not the case.
And sadly it seems that a lot
of us, when we get stuck in a relationship
where it is turning casual
and it's not clear what the boundaries are
of the relationship, a lot
of us think that the more we put into it,
naturally the more we will get out of it.
And this video is really focused on
helping to debunk that idea
so you can finally be on a path to finding love.
Keep watching.
(gentle music)
Hey there, I'm Adam Lodolce from SexyConfidence.com,
where I help you create your love story.
And if you enjoy videos just like this,
make sure you subscribe on YouTube.
Or if you're watching this on Instagram,
make sure you follow the handle @sexyconfidence
because I'm going to have a lot
of content coming up this upcoming year.
Now I wanna start this video out
with just a very blanket statement
so I'm very clear about the position I'm taking.
If a guy doesn't want a relationship,
don't give him the benefits of being in a relationship.
And where this is coming from is
we now live in a culture where sex is cheap,
and I understand that,
and I'm not against casual sex if that's what you want.
If you wanna be in casual relationships
and you wanna just have flings,
that's totally cool.
I've certainly done that in my life.
But if you finally are in a place in your life
where you do want to attract love,
or you're open to the idea
of attracting love,
then these types of relationships
are truly holding you back
from what it is you want.
Being stuck in a casual relationship
when you are trying to find love
is very similar to trying to lose weight
and eating cookies every single night of the week.
Like in this analogy you can be
working out every single morning,
you can be eating salads for lunch,
but if you're coming home
every single night, watching Netflix
and mowing down like a thing
of Tate's chocolate chip cookies,
which by the way I'm super into myself,
but if you're doing that every single night
it doesn't matter how much
of these other things you're going to do,
this toxicity, the Tate's,
I'm sorry Tate's, that is what's going to hold you back
from actually losing the weight.
And I want you to think
of these casual relationships in the same sense.
When you are finding yourself constantly stuck
in these casual relationships
and just thinking to yourself
like well look I do wanna meet other people,
I am getting out there meeting other people,
but the sex is so good,
I have a great emotional connection with this guy,
he's there for me, he listens to me,
what that is doing is it's holding you back
emotionally because we only have so much emotional energy
to give to the world.
And in many ways I want you to rid yourself
of this toxic type of relationship.
It's actually going to make you more motivated
to get out there and meet the right type of person.
So I wanna tell you a quick story.
Back when I was about 24 years old,
about 10 years ago now,
and I was in a type of what's called casual relationship.
I was seeing this woman once a week,
maybe twice a week on like a big week.
And yeah we were hooking up
and all that good stuff.
But I was not in a time where I was looking
to settle down, get married,
anything like that.
And I thought it was pretty clear.
We never had the talk or any type of talk
about what this was,
but it seemed pretty clear to me.
It was just once a week
and that was pretty much it.
And she was a really nice girl.
Like thinking back on it
she was a great person.
She would come over,
she would sometimes cook me dinner.
I would sometimes go to her place.
We would have a great night together.
We really enjoyed each other's time.
We would talk a lot about interesting
things that kind of mattered to me a lot at the time.
But, again, we would never really talk about
anything relationship focused.
And then I remember specifically there was a night
that I went out where of course she wasn't there,
and I was just doing what I normally would do,
and I'm talking to people.
And I guess I was talking to one woman at a bar,
and her friend apparently saw me at this bar
talking to another girl,
which I don't know made sense to me.
And her friend immediately texted her
to let her know that I'm talking to some girl at the bar.
And then later that night I get a text from her
that is like, I don't remember what the exact text was,
but it was super passive aggressive,
and it was like look, if you don't wanna be with me
then don't be with me, whatever, I'm over this, bye.
It was something like that.
So I'm the type of person, like I don't like texting,
having certainly serious conversations like that over text.
So I give her a call and ask her what is going on.
And she immediately goes straight into it.
How could you betray me?
How could you be out talking to other girls?
I thought that we were together.
And she immediately starts accusing me
of cheating on her.
Needless to say I was in shock
and just totally, totally caught off guard
in this situation, thinking to myself
like I didn't know you could cheat on someone
that you weren't actually in a relationship with.
Long story short, that situation I was in
ended very quickly.
And I think that this is a common situation
that happens nowadays.
Both men and women find themselves
in a situation where they assume
that just because there are relationship benefits involved,
emotions, sex, time spent together,
that it is a relationship.
And clearly in this situation
this woman fell into that trap.
Now, again, I'm not absolving myself from the situation.
If I could go back in time,
I think I would have coached my younger self
a little bit better, but I can't.
But really at the end of the day
there's only one person that can protect your heart,
and that is you.
Removing yourself from these types
of situations where you are giving
and giving everything you can,
you're making him dinner,
you're giving him time,
you're doing him favors,
you're picking up even his kids at school,
you're giving him gifts during the holidays.
You're doing all of these things
that are typically resolved for a real relationship,
however, you're not in a relationship.
And my message to you in this video is that
just because you are giving
and getting relationship benefits
does not mean that it's a relationship.
And worse off, just because you are giving
doesn't mean that you're going to receive anything
from this relationship.
I think it's easy when you fall into this casual trap
to think that if only this person
will see me for who I really am,
and if only I can give them more.
If they'll only really understand
who I am and how much I have to give in this relationship,
then they'll change their mind.
And the reality is actually
the more that you give
the more that they just won't appreciate you.
So look, if you're looking for casual relationships
and you're not in a place
where you can actually be in a relationship,
that's fine, I don't judge you, totally cool.
But this community is really designed for women
who are at that time in their life
where they want something more for themselves,
where they actually have that vision for their life,
and that includes a partner.
And that is where I need you to say to yourself,
and really commit right now
to no more casual relationships.
And if you do want a little bit more help in this area,
figuring out how to get out
of the casual trap
and finally find a committed relationship,
I actually have a course called
the casual to committed blue print.
I will leave a link right there below in the description
if you're watching this on YouTube,
or my bio if you're watching this
on Instagram, @sexyconfidence.
I would check out that course,
take the course.
And it's all created based on this framework
that I call the power system.
And it give you the power to choose
what it is that you want in relationships.
So I explain everything in the video
in the link in the description.
I would love for you to check that out.
And also, if you did enjoy this video,
it's a little bit different than I normally do,
it's a little bit of a rant today.
Please give this a like
and give it a heart if you're watching this on Instagram.
Don't forget to subscribe or follow me on Instagram,
@sexyconfidence, and finally, if you do
just want more resources to help you through
every single stage of finding love to keeping love,
make sure to head on over to sexyconfidence.com.
And I will speak to you sexy single ladies next week.
Goodbye.