- Hey I'm Hasan Minhaj.
I'm here at Buzzfeed
and I'm here to read your thirsty tweets.
(lively music)
This is the jug of thirst
This is kinda gross, it says one hundred ounces
of satisfaction guaranteed.
Super inaprop.
Okay, lets read this first one,
"Hasan Minhaj is quite possibly
"the most beautiful person alive, physically,
"emotionally, politically, and spiritually.
"I dig your vibe bro."
Hey man, I dig your vibe too.
I feel like this guy is a yoga instructor.
Are these real tweets that you guys found?
- [Offscreen Voice] Yes
- I think this is safe for work.
You can... you can, you don't have to have the headphones in
at work for this one.
"Ok Hasan Minhaj is like, the most stunningly sexy man
"I have ever seen on TV and the fact
"that he has a show on Netflix discussing current events
"in such an intelligent and informative way
"proves you can find you a man
"who can do both."
What are the two things?
Discussing current events
by being intelligent and informative?
Those are the two requirements needed to...
I think my wife will disagree.
She will totally disagree with this tag.
Even if I am intelligent and informative,
she is like, " You need to change the sheets."
But I appreciate your kind words.
"Hasan Minhaj is so hot there is only one gag
"I want from him."
All right, that's not appropriate.
She's gonna throw that away.
The only gags I do are shackles.
Yucks.
"The things I would let Hasan Minhaj do to me,
"His brain is just ... mwah
and he is so easy on the eyes.
"Allah really did that huh."
God, he got really religious at the end.
(laughing)
He brought in God at the end of this thirst tweets.
That's just... come on, dude, don't bring God into it.
Don't bring Allah into this, man. Come on, bro.
I hope you didn't enter this on a Friday.
Friday is not a good day to be thirsty.
"Hasan Minhaj is so attractive, it's distracting me
"from learning about the broken policing system."
Come on, you have to focus on the broken policing system.
It's awful.
"Pretty sure the last thought I had before falling asleep
"was Hasan Minhaj expose my". I am not gonna even read that.
I am not gonna read that. Expose my...
you guys can fill the rest then.
I am not gonna do that.
I am married. I am happily married.
I want both A cam and B cam to pick that up.
I am only exposing one person's...
whatever you think that is.
"I just wanna ride Hasan Minhaj's dick off into the sun."
We are not gonna do that one.
(laughing) What is happening?
This is insane, you guys are insane.
You are putting this out into the public.
I am more concerned about you.
"God whenever I see Hasan Minhaj, I wanna make out with him,
"slap him, and give him a Xanax, but never more than
"so when he is talking about Supreme and Hypebeasts
"Oh my god."
Make out, slap and give him a Xanax.
What are people doing these days.
I mean, I am a prude.
I think I am a prude, because we are making out,
I am getting hit and you are gonna give me a downer.
This is all been a learning experience for me,
because I have just recently found out
that Millennials are really into eating butt,
like that's the thing. That's the wave.
So I am learning a lot.
(laughing) I am learning a lot. All right.
Okay, Millennials are, we are gonna, we have to figure out
climate change and not getting hand, foot and mouth disease,
because we are all apparently out here eating ass.
"Hasan makes my" All right, we are not gonna do this.
- [Offscreen Voice] Do you know what that word this?
- I don't know. It says.
- Do you know what this word this?
- [Offscreen Voice] Yeah yeah
- "Hassan makes my bussy quiver."
- [Offscreen Voice] Ah a man's butt.
- Oh, I thought they misspelled.
Hassan makes my butt quiver. Okay.
I will take that. All right.
I am so glad that I can make... make your bussy quiver.
I am learning a lot.
I am learning a lot today.
"I had ten orgasms while watching Hasan Minhaj's
"stand up on Netflix."
You know the stand up sessions are actually kind of
like sad and emotional, but...
Whatever, whatever gets ya.
"You guys should all go watch Hasan Minhaj's
"show on Netflix." You should. I agree with that.
"It's called Patriot Act." Hmmhmmm
"The show is funny, informative
"and oozing with brown skinned sex appeal."
I am oozing, guys. Straight up oozing.
"Why couldn't Hasan Minhaj have been the sexy hero
"in 'The Spy Who Dumped Me'. They did him so dirty."
(laughing) He is throwing the shade at Sam.
Sam is great. Sam is such a sexy hero.
He is great, man.
This is from a verified account too.
We are doing photos now.
It says "Hasan Minhaj is the daddiest of all daddies."
And then...the gif is "I said what I said."
- [Offscreen Voice] Do you get called daddy a lot?
- Aah, yeah. On online. I have been called daddy.
I have been called saddy.
Guys, in the comments below, just comment
what's the difference between a daddy and a saddy is.
Is the saddy an upgrade on the daddy?
Because I am legally a daddy.
Just comment below. Let me know what a saddy is.
"Yo, My baby daddy Hasan Minhaj killed the game
"with his new show The Patriot Act."
I certainly hope I am not your baby daddy.
"Not only are you teaching me about something
"and making me feel all informed and (beep)
"but I get to look at your fine ass the whole time."
Hashtag signmethe(beep)up.
Thank you.
"If I can't marry my crush, and I can't marry Hasan Minhaj,
"then I guess I am not getting married."
Get married. It's fun. There are so many other guys
that look exactly like me out there.
Go to Queens right now and there is like
fifty guys that look like me.
Same haircut, same beard.
Literally thousands of us walking around.
Get married. It's fun. It's awesome.
Thank you guys so much.
Please watch Patriot Act on Netflix
and I definitely have to clear
the internet history of my brain.
(lively music)