If you're sick of men who start investing in you and then stop, if you're sick of guys
who are great for a while and then pull away, or if you keep getting into that situation
where things are going great and the guy's investing for several months and then more
and more you feel like you have to work and like the guy's pulling away, then do not turn
off this video. Today, I'm giving you the one rule, one single rule that my clients
follow that gets them the best results in dating that filters the best guys in and keeps
the guy putting effort into them in the long term. It's very simple. I call it the 10% rule.
It literally just goes like this. A man's ability to be a great partner for you should
be judged on the last 10% of the time you've been together. So let me give you an example.
If you've been together with a guy for six months and known him for 12 months, you judge
it on the time you've been together. You take the six months, which is 180 days, and the
last 10% of that time is 18 days. That is what you use to judge a man on his ability
to put effort into you and be a great partner in the future. So some examples, let's say
you've been dating a guy for almost three weeks, 20 days, and things are going well,
he's putting an effort and then for a day he ignores you or doesn't put effort into
you. Okay? You're going to give some to give that guy some leeway. That's only one day,
5% of the time. But once that reaches two days, once he's been rude for up to three
days, that's 15% this guy is well past his allotment.
It doesn't matter what he did in the first week, if he's ignoring you now for more than
10% of the time. At best, he's on very thin ice. At worst, you're packing your bags, getting
ready to walk away. Let's take a bigger example. Let's take three months, 90 days you've been
seeing a guy, and he's been putting in a lot of great effort. That's good, consistent effort
over 90 days is pretty solid. If that guy has some stress at work and pulls away for
two or three days, you know what? You're going to give that guy some leeway. That's only
2 or 3%. Once that guy pulls away for nine days, though, over a week, he is now reaching
that 10% and you have to be thinking, okay, this guy is on thin ice. Mate, you better
start getting your shit together or I'm going to drop you.
Take a longer example, say you've been with someone 10 months. Okay, if you've been with
someone 10 months who's been putting a lot of effort into you, that's a great track record.
When that person has a bad week, they don't put effort into you. They're absent or distant.
Okay, you're going to be worried, but you're not going to drop them and walk away.
Not at that stage, not unless they've been incredibly disrespectful. Once they get to 10% once they've
now spent a month being in that distance state and not putting effort into you. That's the
time point where you have to start about, "Okay, this guy's on thin ice. I am ready
to pack my bags and walk away." Honestly, this is the simplest rule. This is the simplest,
clearest rule to think about men and dating and to attract men who put effort into you.
Some of the biggest mistakes that I work with from women come simply because they think
about all the first times that the guy was great and just forget all the stuff he's done
recently.
They judge him based on his efforts from six months ago when they've known him 12 months.
Right. I have a friend who did this recently, they, they got together I think in January.
He was a great getting even better through January and right into March for about six
weeks, and June, July comes around, well after he's pulled away and she's still wanting him,
she's still after him rather than looking at the last 10% hell, let's be generous, give
him 20% of the time over six-month period, that's still only 36 days. I said to her,
Beck, how much if it has he put into the last 10% of the time you've known him, how great
of a boyfriend has he been the last 20% of the time you've been together?
Sh*t was the answer, and that's a reflection of the type of partner he'll make in the future
if she keeps investing. By the way, if you're enjoying the content, and you're enjoying this
concept, make sure you hit that big red subscribe button with the bell and download the free
chapter of my book from the description below.
Another client came to me, she was dating
long distance. Again, she'd had a guy who was great in the first four or so months of
their long distance relationship and then he got spotty and then they caught up a couple
of times in the seventh, eight month. He was sort of good again and now we're at the 11th-12th
month and I said, Kara, how much effort has he put in the last 10%? Yes, he's had a lot
of job stresses. This guy had a big promotion. He had other stuff going on, a family member
was sick. Yes, he's had a lot of stresses, so you know what be generous, give him 20%.
How much effort has he put into the last 20% of the time you've known him?
F.O was the answer, and F.O is his ability to make a good partner for her in the future
based on that track record. You must judge men based on the 10% rule. I talk a lot about
how effort is attractive, but you also can't get stuck in effort from six months ago or
50% of the time ago. Judge a man not just on his efforts but his efforts in the last
10% of the time you've known him. Keep refreshing your assessments of men, and you'll always
ensure you're attracting high quality, effortful relationships into your life. Now, the irony
of the 10% rule is that even though it can be hard to apply, it actually keeps the guy
chasing because at 3 or 5% he can sense that you want him to come to you and that you do
care, but you're also willing to walk away soon if he doesn't.
So that actually draws men into you, and you're not doing it to keep him on his toes. You're
not doing it to play games and you're not doing it because you want to walk away. You're
doing it because you have standards for what you expect in your life and the effort people
put into you. And even though you don't want to, you're willing, constantly willing to
walk away from people who are no longer contributing value and putting effort into your life.
As I said, it's not about dropping him at the first sign of trouble, but it is about understanding
the more effort he's put in is directly proportionate to the amount of leeway he gets, and that leeway
doesn't last forever. 10% I've found is the absolute best guideline time for this.
Well, that's the video. Thank you so much for watching.
It's such an important concept this one.
Honestly, you could apply this rule alone and get an enormous amount from your dating
and relationships with men, your dating life, all these things will improve
massively just by applying this one incredibly simple, 10% rule.
Well, thanks again for watching. Leave your comments, thoughts,
questions, et cetera all in the space below. I would love to hear them. What do you think
of this rule? Give the video a thumbs up and hit that big red subscribe button with the
little bell as I say, and download the first chapter of my book absolutely free.
Thank you again, and I'll see you in the next video very soon.
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