One of the most common misconceptions of charisma is that one size must fit all.
The truth is that while there are some high level tips that everyone should follow,
there are lots of different styles that you can adopt for success in charisma and in dating.
So in honor of the release of Avengers Infinity War, we are going to look at six types
of charismatic leading men and the pros and cons of each style
then you can decide which style suits your personality best. A few caveats before we begin.
One, yes, all of these guys are extremely handsome actors
and absolutely, women will be drawn to them because of their looks.
Still, there is value to be had for the rest of us in analyzing
their personalities because they really are some of the most charismatic people I've seen.
Second, I am NOT saying that each actor is always the type shown in this video.
It's more about the habits that I've frequently seen in their interviews;
and three, these aren't the only types of attractive behavior.
There's others but I couldn't find MCU actors that represented them well
so we might get to them in other videos; let's jump into it.
First off is the guy that you know best in the MCU, Robert Downey Jr. — the cool guy.
When you meet a cool type, you will know it because you probably find yourself hoping that they like you.
This occurs to both men and women and part of that effect is generated
from the self-assured body language like in that last clip but part of it comes
because the cool type tends to jokingly elevate themselves like this.
It's... we did a bang-up job.
Do you like watching yourself as Iron Man on screen?
Uh, more and more every time. [Audience laughs]
Cool types also tend to be harder to make laughs which creates a natural desire
for others around them to work even harder to win their approval.
Notice how, in this next clip, the whole audience chuckles
but Robert Downey Jr. stays collected.
Robert: You've never heard of Vetra? Jimmy: Never.
Robert: What are you sporting there? Jimmy: I don't know.
I'd have to look at... Later on, we'll look. You'll go through my pants and we'll see what I'm wearing. [Audience laughs]
Cool types demonstrate their high status with their relative difficulty to captivate.
You can see here that Robert is looking away from the camera, not rudely,
but also communicating to the interviewer that she doesn't have 100% of his attention.
These three points distinguish the cool type and that's going to generate a lot of respect
from the people around you that both men and women will notice and gravitate towards.
Now, the downside is that people surrounding the cool guy often feel insecure of their status.
Women may get the impression that you're just not into them and lose interest in you.
That's why you might want to consider this next type of charisma, The Giver — exemplified by Chris Evans.
The Giver differs from the cool type in that they tend to jokingly elevate not themselves but other people. It looks like this.
...if you're like their godfather of his superhero movies?
Whether it feels like he's not, he is.
Chris: Whether, you know, he's gonna say something really, like, humble— Robert: As long as I'm not ready, I'm cool.
...and be like, "Oh, no. It would have happened anyway," this wouldn't have happened without Downey and nobody doesn't know that.
Givers also laugh easily at other people's jokes.
There's no sense that you need to impress them — quite the opposite —
you might get the impression that they really like you because of how enthusiastic they are in their laughter and in their praise.
...different nuances to Thor whether he's on Asgard or on earth—
Evans: Huh? [Chuckles]
You bring new aspects in whereas with Captain America, it's like—
He doesn't bring nuances. [Everybody laughs]
Yes!
Evans: Oh, it's perfect. Oh, it's perfect. Oh, it's perfect. Hemsworth: We've had a lot of Captain America love, okay? So I'm glad to get some.
The Giver type also tends to be very warm in the way that they touch.
Chris Hemsworth is a great example.
Whether he's cracking a joke, telling a story, or giving a compliment,
he always finds a way to touch in a friendly way.
Importantly, this occurs with both men and women.
It's not a seduction trick; it's a way to express that warmth.
We talk about the nuances of this kind of touch including how to touch without
being creepy in our Chris Hemsworth video linked to in the playlist in the description.
All of these behaviors make women feel excellent around The Giver which is the essence of their charisma.
But of course, there's more than one way to make women enjoy their time with you
and The Goofball is a perfect example of an alternative.
Dance-off, bro. Me and you.
Now, a lot of different Avengers cast members fall into this category
but I think none exemplified the goofball as well as Chris Pratt.
The signature trait of The Goofball is that they crack jokes
in the moments when other people are literal and more serious.
For instance, here's Chris's first question in his guest-hosting appearance on Jimmy Kimmel.
Thank you. I had a lot of fun with the monologue but now let's get down to brass tacks, okay?
Kangaroos. Did a donkey f*** a rabbit? What up with it?
And here he is answering the Internet's most popular questions.
Most people, when they get asked these questions, answer them literally
so other people can learn more about their background but Chris answered over half of his questions in a joking manner like this.
Is Chris Pratt dead?
Only on the inside.
Can Chris Pratt French braid?
Oui, but I call it freedom braid.
How to contact Jennifer Lawrence's agent? Well, I don't want to tell you that.
Here's what you do — you pick up your phone, you dial 911,
and you say, "Quickly, I need to talk to Jennifer Lawrence; it's an emergency,"
and then whisper, "There's someone in my house." The agent will show up; you get to meet Jennifer and everything.
You can adopt this strategy early in conversation with a woman that you like
by jokingly answering questions like, "Where are you from and what do you do?" in order to tap into that goofball charisma.
Now, the ability to be clever and quick on your feet may seem like a superpower
and you might be wondering how Chris is able to turn on that sense of humor
so instantaneously but that's the secret of The Goofball.
They don't have to turn on the humor because it almost never gets turned off.
They joke with friends, they joke with superiors, as well as people who work for them.
Even when they're alone, they're joking and they're doing things that they find amusing.
For instance, here's how Chris ate his snacks while training for Jurassic Park.
What's up? It's your boy, Chris Pratt coming back with an episode What's my Snack.
Last chapter, well, you ain't seen nothing. What's my snack? It's a carrot cake muffin.
Ooh, it's so good.
Can I be honest with you? This is my snack for tomorrow.
So if you want to tap into the goofball charisma, start by doing things first that amuse you.
The value is that The Goofball makes women want to be around you because you're
just so funny and it's of course fun to be making jokes throughout your life.
A drawback is that there is often a more seductive edge that is just missing from Goofball
and that's where this next type comes in and balances things out.
He is the unashamed flirt, the suave guy.
I'm so excited that you're here and I heard you're also excited to be here.
I know. I am. I want to thank you because I finally... Thank you for this, tonight.
It's just... it's just so kind.
Sebastian Stan is our MCU example of the suave guy and he's comfortable with tension
rising in interactions and still remaining cool. Watch how he slowly makes this joke
and of course maintains an unrushed calm demeanor while doing it.
No, I've been... no, I am geeking out a little bit because I've been
meaning to tell you this for a while probably about 15 years.
I feel like I've seen you all my life.
And here you are in person you look so great.
Now, many people tend to feel pressure when their confessing to a crush.
They get fidgety, they move their hands a lot, they speed up, and maybe their voice even cracks.
But Sebastian is comfortable enough with the joke and the tension
so his voice doesn't flip to be more high-pitched at the end.
Now, James Corden eventually is the one who has to cut the tension
because it's just becoming too much for even him.
You're a champ. You're a genius. You're a funny guy. I love it. This is exceptional.
Obviously, Sebastian Stan isn't this forward in every interaction; I'm just
using this as an example of the suave guy but it's true of the suave guy as well
because honestly, doing this all the time would be creepy.
What actually makes the suave guy attractive is that in addition to being flirtatious with women,
he's also a conversational leader with everyone — introducing himself proactively to others like in this next clip.
...each other for a really long time. Hi.
As well as proactively including other people in different conversational threads like here.
I always struggle with this thing, you know.
It's kind of like a Sid-and-Nancy relationship basically.
They used to think I had a toupee when I was in high school.
For some reason, I look at you and I feel like you may relate to that but maybe not.
If you're more interested in this overt sort of flirtation,
I'm going to include a video with Craig Ferguson and Russell Brand in the playlist
since those are two of the kings of flirtatious banter.
I'm also going to throw in a video with James Bond for good measure in that playlist in the description.
One of the drawbacks though is that this cool calm collected demeanor of the suave guy
can be overshadowed by the next charismatic type, The Attention Grabber.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not talk about that; let's not make it personal.
The Attention Grabber, as exemplified by Anthony Mackie, is the person that you cannot
miss in a group interaction because everything they do is big — their voice is big...
I can get your address and send you guys a pic puzzle.
No. Not on my... no, a housewarming gift...
there's a whole conversation behind this, alright?
...their gestures are big...
[Music playing] Hey, hey!
...even their facial expressions are noticeable from a ways off.
You must have been a real ladies' man in college.
Oh, not to brag but in high school... you know, not that I want to brag.
The Attention Grabber thrives in group settings because they are not afraid to speak up.
Their loud voice and extreme conviction make them very hard to talk over.
Whereas some of the other types might shrink in a crowd,
the Attention Grabber is the person who you cannot forget; they are almost
never bashful and have no problem approaching a group.
They simply walk up, listen for a second, and wait for their chance to jump right in.
My god, Sebastian Stan. Man, you're looking good.
I'm here for, uh, Forrest Gump.
Attention Grabbers tend to think pretty highly of themselves.
Otherwise, they would be sharing so much of themselves with everyone else.
And while this does lead to the exclusion of quieter personality sometimes,
it is a sign of high self esteem to assert yourself in a group setting and that is attractive.
So, if you can use this type of charisma in group conversations and then tone it back a bit for one-on-one interactions,
you're likely to have the best chance of first being noticed by and then connecting with who whatever it is that you like.
Check out our video on Will and Jaden Smith below in the playlist to see
how you can use this type of personality effectively in a crowded group conversation.
Last but not least though, we have the new guy Tom Holland who is The Storyteller.
Where is this? Here? In America?
In London. And I was kind of planning to move out here to LA
but now I'm only just moving five minutes away from my mum.
One of the key pieces when it comes to the storyteller type is that they realize that a
well-told story is almost always more interesting than a simple direct answer.
So even when asked questions that could be answered in single sentences,
they dive into a story completely unprompted.
What would you wish for for your birthday?
Well, I have just got gone through the stressful process of buying my first apartment
which I'm over the moon with. The funny story is that I've been looking for
an apartment nearly for two years and my mum rang me up while I was shooting—
But just telling more stories isn't always a good thing.
I'm sure that you know someone who drones on and on about the most boring stuff
and it just drives you nuts so Tom Holland livens up his stories by saying the dialogue in present tense.
Sometimes, it's just a simple aside where he plays a character like this.
I go up to him, I shake his hand, "Nice to meet you," and I'm starting to panic where I'm, "Oh, my god. [Jokingly mumbles]"
Other times, the dialog creates a bit of mystery as to what will happen next and that helps to captivate the listener.
Funny experience — I sat at the back of a classroom next to quite a pretty girl
and eventually said, "So dude, what's your deal, man?"
I was like, "Well, do you want to know my secret? I'm actually Spider-Man."
That mystery piece is critical to good storytelling
and that's why a good storyteller will raise questions in the mind of the audience.
They're going to open some kind of sense of anticipation
where you can sorta guess the ending of the story but you'll want to see how it plays out.
And that's how they're going to keep you captivated.
Notice how that specific anticipation builds up in this next clip.
...and I was in the Spider-Man suit and it was at the very beginning of shooting
and I was in a harness and I had to stick to the ceiling and I didn't go to the bathroom
for, like, 11 hours or something because we didn't really figure out
how to take the suit off quickly at that point; we didn't understand how it worked.
And I was in a harness and obviously it's hot so I'm drinking water all the time
because I'm doing exercise and running around—
Now you wanna know if he pees himself, right? That is what a good storyteller does.
They raise questions and then dramatize the answers.
Now, I think that storytelling is one of the most underrated charisma skills —
I think it's one of the most attractive skills that a guy can have —
so I am including a clip in the playlist below from a master, Kevin Hart,
because he also shows you how to get attention before you start telling your stories so that you know people are listening.
An orangutan comes out on a four-wheeler... listen to me. Listen to me.
Listen, that's just... that's the orangutan—
Obviously, there is more to each of these actors and of course to each type
that I've touched on in this video but I thought it'd be fun to do a brief overview.
Now, you can certainly mix and match but you're gonna have to form habits
and you're not gonna be able to do all of these types all of the time so
choose carefully which habits you do based on how you would like to be and of course how you'd like to be perceived.
For me, I think that the Giver type is one of the most important to incorporate
and the downside is that it can be very easy to fall into the nice guy mode
where you become someone that guys and girls walk over without thinking twice since you're just so darn nice.
In order to be a nice guy without becoming a pushover, I recommend
No More Mr. Nice Guy! which you can check out today for free when
you start your free 30-day trial of Audible at audible.com/charisma.
Audible is our sponsor for this video and they are awesome for helping you to
become a better version of yourself; in this case, when it comes to understanding
the nuances of actually being an attractive and a kind guy.
Audible is great for listening when you commute and you can switch seamlessly
between all of your devices without losing a beat.
As a member of audible, you get one free book credit every single month
and your books are yours forever even if you wind up canceling your membership.
So check out No More Mr. Nice Guy! today with your free 30-day trial of audible
at audible.com/charisma or you can text charisma to 500-500.
That's C-H-A-R-I-S-M-A to 500-500.
Anyways, I hope that you enjoyed this video.
If you're interested in going deeper in any of the topics —
I really just cover them very briefly — click that link on the playlist in the description.
Some of our best videos are in there and we've going deep into each of the types
that I mentioned so I highly recommend checking that out.
If you're interested you can also subscribe but of course, you know, make up
your own mind and free will and all that kind of stuff. If you want to comment do that as well.
I will be in there for the first hour after posting.
Thanks for watching and I will see you in the next video.