-Hi.
In this video, I'm going to share four things a man needs
to feel to commit to you.
[music]
Hi, ladies.
Mat Shaffer, your empowerment, connection, and relationship coach.
I'm a former attorney who's committed his life to supporting
you and creating the sort of fun, fulfilling, dynamic connections and
relationships with men that you're so worthy of and this is a hot topic.
We're going to be diving into the four core feelings, the four core
emotions that every man needs to feel in order to take the
leap and really want to commit to a long-term relationship.
This is a big subject for a lot of ladies and I'm excited to share
it with you but before we do, take a second, hit that little
subscribe button, and don't forget to click that bell to get notified
every time I upload a new video.
Be sure to click that link in the comments and caption because I
have created some great training that's going to make a huge
difference in your connections and relationships with men.
Be sure, ladies, as I'm going through these points
to sound off in the comments.
Let me know maybe some feelings I missed or some other signs
that you have found indicate that a man is truly ready and
willing to commit to you in love.
Now without further ado, let's dive into it.
[laughter]
Now an important point to start with here is just because a man
is attracted to you, or he really likes you, or he even really seems
like he loves you, or he says that he loves you at some point,
it doesn't necessarily mean that he's ready or able to commit you.
[glass breaking]
Yes, that's true for a lot of men including myself.
I know in many connections I've had with wonderful women over the course
of my life, I've just been unwilling or unable to really move forward into
deeper commitment with them because there was just something missing.
Something missing from me emotionally which is why every one of these
four emotions is so important and we're going to go through
each one of them in detail so you can know how to recognize them.
Because commitment is an interesting thing with men, it's not just a
feeling-based decision, there's a really deep practical aspect
that men have to take into consideration before moving forward.
Once you're able to identify and understand the practical and
the emotional elements of these four feelings, you're going to
be able to identify them in men and be able to determine if he's
really ready to commit to you in a long-term sustainable way or not,
and so you won't have to waste your time with men who just aren't
able to give you what you need.
Sound good?
All right.
Let's dive in.
Be sure to stay till the end of this video where I share the biggest
common pitfall I see women fall into that leads to them wasting
their time with men that just aren't able to commit to them.
Ladies, I'm going to make it really easy to remember these
four feelings because it's going to be with four letters, R-I-P-E.
That's right, you want your man to be ripe.
The first feeling a man needs to have to be able to commit to you
is ready for commitment with you.
I mean ready both physically and emotionally and when I say
emotionally ready, I mean he needs to be emotionally available and
emotionally equipped to give you that commitment that you're worthy of.
What does being emotionally ready look and sound like from a guy?
First of, one way to recognize it is that he's being open and connected
with his heart and this means that he's being vulnerable with you,
he's not afraid to acknowledge you or to share his feelings with you.
This might look like if you're out on a date, he looks over at
you and says, "I just want you to know I have so much fun with you
and you really do make me happy."
That's a guy who's grounded in himself and he's not afraid to
share what's going on inside him because he's really looking
forward and seeing that he really does want to commit to you.
The second sign that a man is emotionally ready for
commitment is that he doesn't have any past ex baggage.
That's right, he's at peace with his exes and doesn't have any lingering
emotional attachment with his past relationships one way or the other.
Because it's interesting, an emotional attachment to an ex
doesn't have to be loving, right?
Sometimes, a way that men will express emotional
attachment towards a former relationship is through anger.
You want to look for if a man has any lingering, intense emotional
response or reaction towards a former relationship, that's a guy that's
probably not emotionally in a place where he's ready to commit to you.
The second way a man needs to feel ready is he needs to feel physically
ready to be in a commitment with you, and this means he needs to feel
ready in terms of where he's at in his life to truly be the partner
and be the man that you're worthy of in a committed relationship.
This is so important because we as men, we feel an inherent
responsibility to be the provider and the protector
in a committed relationship.
This is evolutionarily programmed into us.
Before we're going to be able to really confidently commit to
someone, we need to be in a place in our lives where we feel we
can bring someone into our life and support them in that way.
What does this look like?
This looks like a man who is grounded.
He is grounded in his identity, in his purpose, in his sense of who he
is and what he's up to in the world.
He's confident in his career and he really understands who
he is and where he's going.
This does not mean that he's got himself all figured out or he feels
like he's some perfect person, okay?
We're not trying to attract a narcissist, but we do want a man
who truly understands who he is and feels ready to bring someone in.
A king who is ready to bring a queen into his kingdom.
That's the sort of energy and sort of being that you're looking
for when you're evaluating if a man is ready to commit or not.
It is okay for him to be working on himself.
We should all be working on ourselves, right?
He should feel like he has a foundation that he's anchored in when
in the way that he's showing up to you and in terms of the relationship
that y'all have together.
Now, I want to address a common scenario that you may be thinking
of that so many of my client students bring out to me is that
I'm seeing somebody and he seems really great but he's just unable
to commit because he's got a big project going on with work right
now, or he's in between jobs, or he's living with his friends or
at his parent's place or blank.
Fill in the blank in his physical life.
Sound familiar?
[chuckles]
Well, this is a common thing and here's the thing, it brings
up a quote to me, that "The right person at the wrong time
is still the wrong person."
Because you got to recognize, if a man does not feel physically
ready to be in a committed relationship, it doesn't matter
how great your connection is.
He's not going to be able to do it or it's going to massively
undermine his ability to sustain a relationship with you.
This brings up a story from my own life that I'm
going to share with y'all.
I was in my twenties, and I was dating a great girl and
we were in the early stages of dating, in the early stages of
a committed relationship, and I don't know where I lost my job.
I got fired from my job that I was fully dependent upon for my
livelihood at that time and that emotionally threw me so far off base
that I emotionally checked out of my relationship and ended up sabotaging
my connection with this girl.
I just couldn't do it.
I couldn't handle it.
I couldn't stay committed to someone when my life was in chaos.
In short, ladies, don't spend a long time in a noncommitted
relationship waiting for a man to get his life together.
Don't overly invest in unrealized potential if he is not already
actualizing his potential or on his way to do so, move on.
There's plenty of great guys out there that would love to
give you exactly the type of commitment that you're worthy of.
Now that we've got the R, let's move on to the second thing
a man needs to feel to commit to you and that is inspired.
Inspired by you and by the prospect of your future together.
A huge distinction in male behavior that I want to make here is between
a man operating from inspiration and a man operating from obligation.
You want a man to move forward into commitment with you because he's
inspired to be with you not because he feels an obligation to commit to
you in order to avoid losing you.
Does that make sense?
This is super important because so often, I see people settling
into mediocre relationships because they're together just
because of a fear of losing each other or the other person
walking out rather than because they're inspired to be together.
How can you recognize if a man is inspired to want to commit to you?
What it's mostly going to look like is that he is really going to
be proactive about moving things forward, about escalating the
commitment with you, and about really owning your relationship.
For example, in my relationship, I was so inspired and activated
by my woman's energy and by the prospect of being in a relationship
with her that after just a handful of dates, I went for it and I
claimed her as my girlfriend and I've never looked back since.
I want that for each and every one of you to inspire and activate
a man who's really ready to be in a relationship and that he
wants to claim and plant his flag and claim you as his woman.
[cheering]
Now that we've got the R and the I, let's dig into the third
feeling a man needs to feel in order to commit and that is proud.
Proud of you and of your role in his life and in his role in yours.
This is a huge one, one of the biggest things a man feels when
he is ready to commit to you is that he is proud of the connection
that the two of you share and he enthusiastically wants to share
you with the people in his life and wants to deeply integrate
into the people in your life.
This is because fundamentally, he has made a determination that you
are high value to him and he is all in both in terms of how far he wants
to bring you into his life, and how much he wants to be a part of yours.
What does this look like?
He's telling his friends and family about you.
He's wanting to introduce you to them.
You're popping up consistently on his social media.
I know in my own life, I love sharing little snippets from my
adventures with my girlfriend, like we went to the Grand Canyon
recently and that was a blast.
Another sign that a man is feeling proud to be a part of your life is
that he actively wants to connect with and build relationships with
your friends and family in your life.
He'll be encouraging you to set up dates and coordinate meetups with
your friends, with your family.
He's asking questions, he wants to start building relationships
with them, because that means that he is getting integrated
deeper into your life, which is something that he actively wants as
part of a committed relationship.
Now that we've got the RIP, let's move on to the fourth thing
a man needs to feel to commit to you, and that is enamored.
That is the E, it stands for enamored and enamored means that he is filled
with romantic feelings towards you and he is actively expressing
them to you in a variety of ways.
One sign that a man is deeply enamored with you is that he
will be incredibly present when he is around you.
That means lots of sustained eye contact, he's going to be a wonderful
listener, he's not even going to think about answering his phone
or touching his phone when you're around and he's going to be paying
attention and listening for the small details and remembering them
from the things that you say to him.
Another way that you can tell that a man is enamored with
you is that he is romantically invested in your feelings.
This means that he is consistently communicating to you and creating
experiences for you that demonstrate that he cares about you and that
he really does want to do whatever it takes to make you feel amazing.
A man being romantically invested in your feelings can
look so many different ways.
One might be if you come home from having a rough day, that he
recognizes it, and he offers to give you a massage or cook you dinner
or just do something to help shift your energy, or maybe on an early
date, he recognizes that you really love something about what he does
for you and he makes it a recurring theme over all the dates that follow.
In my own life, for example, I got my girlfriend, she was my
girlfriend at the time, it was our second date, I got her a rose
because I was so inspired by her and I was a little nervous to give
it to her because that was a strong move, but she loved it so much.
It lit her up so much that I decided to make it a thing that on each
one of our subsequent big date nights, I would get her another
rose until I built up to a dozen.
That's been such a fun project and to see her light up every time
I show up with even more roses and even more roses and I'm also
on a first-name basis with the florist and it's just been a blast.
These are the sort of things that a man does when he's romantically
invested in your feelings.
That's a huge sign that he's ready to commit in the right way.
I want to address one major pitfall I see a lot of women
getting trapped in when it comes to a man being enamored.
All alright, a lot of women will see and feel a man enamored and
expressing lots of romantic feelings or gestures towards them and assume
that he's ripe, that he's ready for a committed relationship.
The hard truth is that unless these other core emotions are in
place, whatever commitment that he's expressing or sharing with you
will not be sustainable, long term.
For example, maybe he's enamored and he's being very romantic
and expressive to you but he's still not over an ex.
He's not emotionally ready for you, because he's still got
feelings of anger or of love for an ex-girlfriend, or an ex-wife,
that will significantly undermine his ability to be in a sustained
commitment for you over time.
He might be able to do it for a little while, but he probably
won't be able to do it long-term.
Make sure, ladies, that all four of these components are present for a
man to be ready for relationship.
Remember, my dear, for a man to commit, he needs to be ripe,
he needs to be ready, both emotionally and physically.
He needs to be emotionally available and able to give his heart to you
and he also needs to be physically ready in a way where he has built
up his understanding of self and his physical world to be able to bring
you in comfortably and confidently, and he needs to be inspired.
Inspired by you, inspired by the prospect of your future together.
That means he's going to be proactive about claiming you and about
becoming the physical driver of that future relationship with you.
He also needs to be proud, proud of you, and proud of
the role that you play in each other's lives and sharing you
with his people and wanting to be connected to yours as well.
That is going to be a huge part of whether he's ready
to take the leap or not.
Lastly, he needs to be enamored by you, he needs to be filled with
loving feelings towards you and present and romantically invested
in your feelings and connected to you and you want to be able to
feel that from him at all times.
If all four of these components are present, R-I-P-E, then you
know that he is ready and willing, and he's going to be able to
commit to you in a sustained way.
Get out there, ladies, and create that ripe, beautiful, abundant,
loving, committed relationship that you're so incredibly worthy
of, but before you do, be sure to take a second, hit that subscribe
button and that little bell.
Don't forget to click that link in the comments and caption to
sign up for my amazing training.
Be sure to sign off in the comments.
Let us know what are some of the signs that you have determined
when a man is ready to connect with and commit to you in
a deep and meaningful way.
Let's get that dialogue going so we can all share the love.
Thanks so much for stopping by and I'll see you in my next video.
Bye-bye.
[music]