(upbeat music)
- [Both] Ohhhhh. (laugh awkwardly)
- I didn't know you shopped here.
- Oh, I don't usually. This is just a one-off.
- Oh yeah. Uh, same. Everyone should only buy local.
- Completely. You know, normally I get my electronics
from the farmer's market.
- Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. (beep) this place.
- (beep) this place.
(both laugh awkwardly)
- Hey Molly, can I use your prime account?
I don't have one.
- Oh yeah, totally.
- Great.
Hi there, it's me, Molly
and definitely not Daniel.
- Right, of course. And?
- And I'd like to buy one of those nightlights
for the toilet so that I don't fall into the toilet
late at night when it's dark.
And remember this is Molly buying this
and definitely not Daniel,
who is very good at using the toilet.
- Okay, coming right up.
- Great. Oh, could I also add a package of dude wipes?
Oh, okay, I meant... wipes.
- Hi. Um, so I bought a wig from you guys
and by the time I got to my car,
it was just a pound of loose hair in a box.
Can I speak to a manager please?
- Oh, you can but he's in space.
- Sorry?
(beeping noises)
- [Both] He is in space.
- This hair will make a fine tribute, brother.
- Yes. With each follicle, his power grows.
Hail daddy BZ.
- [Both] Hail daddy BZ.
- Oh cool air fryer. Whoa.
I wonder what the reviews are like?
- Boy oh boy, my marriage was on the rocks
until I got the ninja air fryer.
This baby does everything, friend.
- Don't believe them. I think he's a company plant.
I'm the real opinion you should trust.
That air fryer killed my husky son
and ruined my business!
- Do not buy, toxic chemicals,
making my home a bad smell for this.
I will never fry this air fryer.
- Free returns. Excuse me.
I'm just going to disregard everything you said.
- I miss my son.
- Oh, that's too bad. That sucks.
But I got an air fryer now.
- Hey, have fun, Mr. Well-deserved vacation.
- Thanks.
- Jealous.
- Clocking out.
(tropical music)
Well, that was a great vacation.
Thought about my mom for a little bit.
And I took a micro nap to stave off death
a little bit longer.
Well, back to work.
Hey Brent?
- [Brent] What's up?
- Did you move my pee bottle?
- [Brent] No, it's next to the poop jar.
- Hi. I've been looking for those leggings
that everyone has been wearing.
- Oh, did you mean these two-pack leggings for women
Tik tok, tummy control, booty hip lifting, sport type
yoga pant leggings
or the women's anti-cellulite,
honeycomb textured, booty hip lifts,
sport type leggings for women leggings women?
- What are those?
- Oh, you mean these.
These are the women's bubble butt booty time
tik tok pack of two, anti-cellulite.
Found to destroy all cellulite, rope, tarp, and handcuffs,
anti-bubble butt, pro-bubble butt.
(upbeat music)
- This could work for camping.
- That's a pretty nice rope, right?
Think you'll buy it?
- Uh, maybe?
- Cool. Cool. Cool. Yeah.
A guy came in here earlier, bought that rope,
bought also a tarp and some handcuffs.
You think you'll buy all that stuff too?
- No, I definitely don't want those.
- Hey, I'm the recommendations guy.
I know what you want to buy, okay?
- What could you use those three things for besides murder?
- I'm not the ask questions guy.
I'm the recommendations guy.
And I recommend that you buy a murder kit.
I mean, a nothing kit.
- Why are your eyes bleeding?
- Untreated conjunctivitis.
- Oh whoa. 12 shocks is time to shop, best time.
I need this. I need that. There we go.
Oh, I will wear this every day.
48 pack! That's my favorite number!
Whoa, haunted doll, yes please.
- Hey buddy. Here's some more cool stuff
you found on your own. You need that.
- Oh my God. I'm a genius.
- You sure are. Hey, you know what would be smart
is if you buy all this stuff
before you realize you don't need it.
Quick, big guy, do that.
Damn it, Gooby, not fast enough.
It's like Miami all over again.
You get high, you get high.
This guy gets high.
We'll just stack a fifties.
You're coming with me.
- Okay. That's all that and,
Yes. Ugh, I did it.
I made the perfect cart.
Oh shoot. I forgot all my money.
Okay. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna leave this here
and I will not forget it.
- All right! My cart's still here!
Rope, handcuffs, plastic tarp, and all! Ha ha!
Mama's gonna murder.
(beep)
- Can I use your Prime account? I don't have one.
- Oh yeah, totally.
- Great, awesome.
(both laugh awkwardly)
- I hate this too, I'm gonna vomit.
- I already did.
- Oh man, okay, bye.
(both laugh awkwardly)
I forgot this.
(beep)
- That would be, oh no. So women's size 50?
(all laugh)
(beep)
And some old spice deodorant,
which women can use. It's legal.
(beep)
Could I also get some boot cut jeans size 32 30
or I mean size 5?
(all laugh)
(beep)
- It's so cheap.
- I know.
- Look at this guy, take that. Oh, look at that. (laughs)
(beep)
- Do not try this, (beep)
(all laugh)
(beep)
- This'll do.
- You ever been murdered?
- No. But I'd like to.
- Come with me.
- Okay. Thanks, Momma. Where are we going? (laughs)
(beep)
- Sure would be great
if we didn't have to resort to pee bottles.
- [Computer] Dissent detected.
Present Amazon papers in three, two.
(beep)
- Okay, a little of this.
Yes. Perfect. I've done it.
Perfect cart. Oh (beep)
I forgot I need money.
All right, I'm just gonna leave this cart here
and see what happens.
(upbeat music)
- All right!
(beep)