exactly two years ago is a day that I'll
never forget for the rest of my life I
was 18 years old and waiting to board a
one-way flight to Guatemala I had just a
backpack I had never traveled alone
before other than hola and gracias I
spoke no Spanish and I had no cellphone
sitting at the airport surrounded by all
these Guatemalans and I'm wondering
where all of them are headed I felt this
sense of anxious excitement but also the
sense of calm despite the unknown and
sitting there I thought to myself how
did I end up in this position it brought
me back eight months prior where I had a
much different experience with anxiety
an experience that led me on the path
that would change my life my story began
three days after arriving at Ohio State
for my first semester of college woke up
covered in hives and rashes all over my
arms and legs and it felt like my skin
was on fire and day after day I'm waking
up with these hives and rashes and I
have no idea why I saw doctors
immunologist dermatologists I had the
pills creams the test tubes and these
doctors didn't know it was wrong either
so they diagnosed me with chronic
urticaria which is like a fancy name for
saying your skin is freaking out and we
don't know why so here's a name for it I
started to develop severe anxiety and up
until this point anxiety was just a word
to me and it now became this dense ball
that would roll up my chest and
constrict my throat making it difficult
to speak like this hyper tension and I
had no idea why I remember feeling so
alone I felt like I was the only one
going through this and other than my
parents were pretty concerned almost
nobody knew that I was struggling with
anxiety and depression at the
I'm I didn't know that one in four
teenagers experiences some sort of an
anxiety disorder at the time I didn't
know that anxiety is the most common
mental health diagnosis on a college
campus and with everything I was going
through I started to question the why in
everything why am I in school why is
this happening to me what is the purpose
of life I felt really conflicted
investing myself physically mentally
emotionally and financially down a path
that I had never even really questioned
I was just living the script that
society had for me I remember there
there was this 21 year old girl who was
killed in a car accident off campus I
remember thinking to myself what if that
was me would I go out knowing that I was
living a life true to myself I've always
been fascinated by other cultures and I
started playing with this idea to take a
semester off and travel I would lay in
bed at night and I would just imagine
myself like trekking in these foreign
hands and meeting people from all over
the world and I'm getting so excited I
could feel the adrenaline like coursing
through my veins and my heart pounding
in my chest cause I'm just laying in bed
looking at the ceiling but this other
voice of fear would settle in and say
Jake no one else is doing that you have
to stay in school and stick to the path
that's been set out for you and for
months and months I battled back and
forth with this anxiety but I just
continued to stay in school and do what
everyone expects me to do or die listen
to this true inner voice and travel and
one night everything changed it was the
first night back for the second semester
and Ohio State was in the national
championship football game and they won
and people went crazy like thousands of
students swarming through campus
lighting off bonfires and fireworks it
was a crazy celebration and what are you
doing a moment like that you whip out
your phone you take a picture and you
post it to Instagram and that's what I
did I remember waking up the next
morning and I grabbed my phone
had all these likes and messages from
people saying things like congrats on
the game Jake you must be so happy oh
you're killing it man
you're living it up and reading each one
of these messages I felt my stomach
twist because I hated the fact that I
was portraying my life is happy and
perfect when in reality I was really
struggling I was anxious I was depressed
and I wanted to share that side of me
laying in bed that morning I felt stuck
and didn't know what to do and I decided
to call this career counselor I had seen
a couple times the first semester and
she knew what was going on in my life
and that day she asked me two questions
first she said if you do take a leave
from school and travel what is the worst
thing that could happen so I started to
think about it and my mind went to the
most awful places I thought if I did
this I'd become this huge failure I'd
probably be on the streets for the rest
of my life I would never amount to
anything
and when I said my fears aloud to her I
realized that's all they were just fears
then she said he keep focusing on the
worst thing that could happen why he's
the best thing that could happen now
boarding flight 58 64 to Guatemala City
the loudspeaker grabbed my attention and
I jumped up and put on my backpack and I
started walking towards the gate and I
was feeling like excited but nervous I
mean after getting to Guatemala City I
had to get on this nine-hour bus for
this rural town where I was going to
volunteer and teach English but the
homes there had no addresses there's
like almost no Wi-Fi and I didn't have a
phone and I didn't know I was all gonna
work out
my second week in Guatemala there was
this big party being held for semana
santa which is one of the holiest
holidays in Guatemala and the whole town
gathered and they were blasting Spanish
music and enrique inglesias and people
were dancing like there was no tomorrow
and despite my awful dance moves I was
moving and grooving and having the time
of my life and that night lying in bed I
couldn't sleep but I realized that this
was the first time and as long as I
could remember that it wasn't because of
anxiety
it was because my reality was better
than my dreams and now I knew what it
felt like to be living with passion
instead of anxiety a couple weeks later
I was sitting at dinner with my
Guatemalan family and some of these
volunteers and I suddenly realized I had
absolutely no idea what day or what time
it was living in this town with kind of
small homes and very basic electronic
electricity people lived simply but
happily and it was contagious I decided
not to bring my phone on my travels
because I was constantly comparing
myself to other people feeling like I
always had to share everything and be
checked in social media and I we were
kind of in an abusive relationship and
we needed to take a break and living in
this town without my phone my focus was
on the world in front of me and the
relationships I was building and I
wasn't distracted by anything else
instead of receiving Instagram hits and
dopamine hits from Facebook Likes and
checking my phone 70 times a day I was
fueled by this lasting energy this
fulfillment from the connections that
was making face-to-face a couple months
later I found myself living in this
spiritual community on an island in
Nicaragua and it was here I was exposed
to mindfulness and meditation now first
I totally thought the whole mindfulness
meditation thing was super weird like I
imagine monks in these orange robes
sitting in the Himalayas kind of like
this humming seemed kind of weird to me
and on top of mindfulness meditation
there are things like breath techniques
and eating breakfast in silence like
every morning 15 of us just eating our
food slowly nobody talking seemed a
little weird but after a couple days of
experiencing these new things with an
open mind I began to feel a sense of
peace and calm and presence and
connection that didn't even know is
possible
it brought me
to being 8 years old and seeing people
do Tai Chi at my local park their eyes
closed kind of moving their hands like
this
I thought they look kind of funny but
now I got it
Tai Chi was a vehicle for these people
to be more peaceful and present and calm
and connected and meditation and
mindfulness and eating breakfast in
silence these were vehicles allowing me
to be more peaceful and present and calm
and connected sitting on the airplane
coming home after 4 months of traveling
abroad I began to see how all the dots
in my past were starting to connect
being at school with a severe anxiety
and the skin condition it was almost
like my inner GPS was telling me that
something was off that I kind of had to
reroute and this led me to start
questioning everything I got in touch
with this calling this inner voice
telling me to travel and when I finally
answered the courage or mustered the
courage to answer that call and take
that leap of faith everything changed
and living in this town and Guatemala
without my phone and experiencing this
different way of life and then going
down the mindful path and learning about
mindfulness and meditation and nicaragua
and then as I was traveling I was kept a
journal and I was always journaling and
sharing my experiences and I realized I
had this passion this love for
storytelling I was like oh my gosh I
have to write a book about this I have
to share my journey going from anxiety
and depression to peace and purpose
being home in speaking at high schools
and colleges around California it is
shocking to see that what I thought had
been unique to me this severe anxiety
and depression is something that
millions of young people are
experiencing around the country right
now this is insane this is insane that
5,000 young people to take their lives
each year a rate that has tripled since
the 1960s this is insane
this is insane that anxiety and
depression rates among high school and
college students have shot up five to
eight times more than just fifty years
ago
why are depression and anxiety rates
skyrocketing among youth today I get so
fired up about this because
I remember being there in my dorm
stairwell in tears and just so angry and
upset and confused
I get so fired up about this because I
remember feeling trapped and scared of
that unknown path and I get so fired up
about this because I know if I could
shift from anxiety and depression to
peace and purpose than the millions of
other young people around this country
can as well we all can and that's why I
wrote my book off the beaten trail the
solution though isn't dropping
everything and hopping on a flight to
Guatemala that was part of my story and
what my inner voice was telling me to do
there are millions of students and kids
around this country yet were funneling
them down just one path and while that
traditional education system may work
for some kids that's great but not all
because what fascinates Chandler might
bore Peter and what lights up Nicky
might have no interest to Bella and
that's okay this disconnect is due to a
misalignment with how we're living and
this disconnect which I remember feeling
so vividly is causing anxiety and much
worse we feel this intense pressure to
be something that were not we're
immersed in this culture where we're
forced to memorize information and dump
it on a test where our value is defined
by letter grades and numbers we feel
this intense pressure to be a 5.0
student who's the president of four
clubs has cured cancer and as a hundred
thousand Instagram followers and what if
we pursue what we were truly curious
about or that look like what would that
feel like when we have the audacity to
pursue what we truly want not what mom
or dad or cousin Eric or Steve wants but
what we truly desire passion replaces
anxiety passion replaces anxiety so what
can we do what can we do as students and
as parents and adults and educators be
conscious of how you're using social
media social media can be this great
tool that can connect us and help us
solve problems and create solutions and
bring us together but I can also do the
opposite and isolate us make us feel
alone and unhappy
at the end of the day social media is
just a tool we have to be conscious of
how we're using the tool and not letting
the tool use us embrace mindfulness
embrace calm and peace and presence and
connection and last but not least have
courage courage to listen to your inner
voice courage to follow it even if it
leads you in an unknown direction my
favorite quote is by Steve Jobs he said
you cannot connect the dots looking
forward you can only connect them
looking backwards so you have to trust
the dots will somehow connect in your
future
what do you truly desire close your eyes
I invite you what is that thing or that
dream that calls out to you what makes
you come alive what lights you up and
how does that feel in your heart and
your legs and your stomach your arms and
your chest if you listen to this inner
voice what is the worst thing that could
happen and if you listen to this inner
voice and follow it why is the best
thing that could happen thank you
[Applause]
[Music]