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- Hey everybody.
Today we're gonna talk about being passive aggressive.
But before we jump into that topic,
are you new to my channel?
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But let's first start by defining passive aggression.
It is a type of behavior or personality
that's characterized by indirect resistance
to the demands of others
and an avoidance of direct confrontation,
as in procrastinating,
pouting,
or misplacing important materials.
In short, passive aggression is when
we don't directly let someone know how we feel
and instead we indirectly show our upset.
This can be very toxic behavior in relationships
because it doesn't allow for communication
or any understanding.
Instead, it only upsets both parties
because one was upset,
didn't communicate it,
and then acts out in order to get
the other one to understand,
which they'll never be able to do
without all the information and clear communication
and so then they get upset.
It's no good for anybody.
Now that we know what it is,
let's get into what can cause
someone to act passive aggressively.
'Cause I think it's kind of important always
to understand what the root of an issue is.
And of course,
it could be the way we were raised.
If we were never taught or shown
how to express how we feel,
it can be hard to even acknowledge
that we have feelings or that we could be upset.
This is why so many people
who are passive aggressive will say
they aren't upset or mad,
even when we ask them to their face.
They honestly don't even know how to begin
to talk about how they feel or what upset them
because they don't know how.
So they lie and just say that they aren't.
Another reason someone could act passive aggressive
would be because they aren't confident enough
to be honest.
Sharing how we truly feel and what's upsetting
is hard and at times, uncomfortable.
It can make us feel really vulnerable, right?
If we don't feel sure enough in ourselves
or our experience,
it can make speaking up about it
that much more difficult.
And lastly,
we can act passive aggressive
if the situation doesn't support
true and clear communication.
Like let's say we're at work
and our boss is a complete jerk.
Well, we can't just come out and say to them
that they're belittling us,
and it's really upsetting,
and expect them to talk it through.
I mean, we actually really should,
but let's be honest,
like life doesn't work that way.
So we may not feel free in that moment,
in that situation to speak our mind.
So then we can begin acting out
in a passive aggressive way
because we probably just don't see
another option at the time.
Now there are a million reasons why
people act out in this way.
But those are the most common.
And if we really think about it for a minute,
I believe that they all boil down to those three reasons.
But what do you think?
Let me know in those comments down below
why you or someone you care about has acted this way.
I would love to learn more from your experiences.
But let's move into the exciting part.
Or at least it's exciting for me;
how we can overcome it.
Because we can!
And if we're all being honest here,
each of us has been passive aggressive
at one point in our lives.
Let's just be honest.
We've all done it, it's okay.
The first way to overcome it
is to learn to identify our feelings.
You know, those pesky things
that we feel throughout our day
and probably ignore and move on,
those!
Get to know them.
Understand them.
And recognize how quickly they can change.
You could use feelings charts,
journaling,
or simply writing down like three to five things
that you felt each and every day,
whatever works for you.
Taking the time to get to know our feelings
and accepting that we have them,
is the best and first very important step
in overcoming passive aggressive thoughts and actions.
Number two, acceptance.
Now this one is probably the hardest,
but we have to accept how we feel and own it.
Sure we can figure out
a few of the feelings we had during the day
but do you believe they're valid?
Do you think you have a right to feel them?
Do you try to talk yourself out
of the feelings that you have?
That's personally a big one for me.
Consider these questions
and maybe take time each and every day
to tap into the feelings,
track back to where they came from
and maybe by figuring out
what happened that created this feeling,
we can not only validate our experience,
but also learn more about ourselves
and how we react and respond to our daily life.
Number three,
practice, practice, practice your communication
with those you are in relationships with.
It will be hard,
and possibly uncomfortable
to start expressing how we feel at first
but keep at it!
Hell, you maybe even want to write it down,
practice saying it out loud to yourself at first
just to kinda role play it a little bit.
And I would even encourage you to let those around you know
that you're working on communicating more
so they can be prepared for you to give it a try
and hopefully be supportive.
Fourth and finally,
be patient. It will take time to get used to
expressing ourselves clearly
and being open to someone else's take on the situation.
But keep at it.
And yes, when we get really stressed out
the urge to be passive aggressive may come back
but stick to your new tools and techniques
and do your best.
If you started acting passive aggressive
because you were never taught
how to express yourself,
remember, you're breaking a lifelong pattern
and that's gonna take time and patience.
It's a process.
Not just a single action that we can take.
So give yourself the kindness and love
that you need as you try to learn something new.
Because trust me,
it will really help heal your relationships.
This video has been brought to you
by the Kinions on Patreon.
If you would like to support
the creation of these mental health videos,
click the link in the description
and check it out.
And let's try something fun to end this video.
Tell me in the comments down below
of a character in a tv show,
or a movie,
that you think acts out in a passive aggressive way.
Why do you think they do that?
Tell me down below
and I will see you next time.
Bye!