-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ] And everybody watching at home.
Thank you.
Well, guys, the weekend kicks off
the unofficial start of summer.
That's right, happy Memorial Day.
-Yeah! [ Cheers and applause ]
-Happy Memorial Day to all of you,
except for that guy in your office
who sent a work e-mail at 4:59 p.m.
You go, "No, we're not reading it, Carl."
I have a feeling people
are going to really let loose this weekend.
Don't you have that feeling?
[ Cheers ]
By this time tomorrow, the cornhole boards
will just be two guys passed out with their mouths open.
[ Laughter ]
Listen to this.
According to AAA, nearly 40 million people
are expected to travel 50 miles or more this weekend.
When asked where they're going, everyone said, "Anywhere.
Literally. Anywhere else." [ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, with so many people traveling
this weekend, gas prices are expected to skyrocket.
Yeah, the bad news is gas is expensive.
But good news is you'll have something to talk about
with your father-in-law. [ Laughter ]
"Can you believe how expensive the gas --"
Gas is so expensive, when I filled up this morning,
a guy in a tux was like,
"Might I recommend the Sunoco 92?"
[ Laughter ]
"Excellent choice, Mr. Fallon."
Speaking of traveling, a new survey finds
that the majority of Americans
won't take a road trip without the perfect playlist.
And 35% said they'd turn the car around if they didn't have one.
[ Laughter ]
What's more troubling is only 8% said they'd turn the car around
if they forgot one of their kids.
-Wow. [ Laughter ]
-"Ah, he doesn't listen to my music anyway."
Yeah, you spend days making the perfect playlist,
then you spend the whole trip trying to connect
your phone to the car's Bluetooth.
It's really fun. [ Laughter ]
"Alright, everyone turn their Bluetooth off!
Everyone turn -- Now I got to pull over.
Here we go. Then we're gonna have fun.
Then we're gonna have fun.
Everyone turn it off!"
Get this -- according to the National Hot Dog
and Sausage Council...
[ Laughter ]
...73% of Americans believe that a barbecue
is not complete without hot dogs.
I think the bigger story here is that we have
a National Hot Dog and Sausage Council.
[ Laughter ] -Come on.
-Send me a T-shirt, man.
-Number one.
-A lot of Americans are going to barbecues this weekend.
And sometimes you have good barbecues.
Sometimes you have bad ones.
So we actually came up with some clues, some warnings,
to help you guys realize that you're at a bad one.
So if you see this -- For example, if you're at --
you're at a bad barbecue if your neighbor's
wearing an apron that says, "French kiss the chef."
[ Audience ohs ] That's disgust-- that's gross.
-Really? -Yeah.
Here we go, this warning here.
A 911 call includes the words "grandpa,"
"lawn dart," and "impale." [ Laughter ]
That means you're at a bad barbecue.
-That's a bad one? -This is a bad one, yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Here's another warning -- bad one.
The neighbor's teenage son sneaking shots of lighter fluid.
-Okay.
-Don't have him burp by the grill. Yeah.
Also, here's another warning.
Good news -- there's beer pong.
Bad news -- it's with Natty Light Sour Seltzer.
[ Audience ohs ] -Oh.
-That was a mixed reaction. Someone out there likes it.
[ Laughter ] Someone likes that.
-Is that real? -I'm not afraid of it.
I'll try it. [ Laughter ]
And, finally, warning, a guy with seven fingers says,
"Who wants to shoot off some fireworks?"
Just some warning signs.
Just a couple. If you see those, just know.
Well, changing gears, today Senate Republicans
voted to block the January 6th commission
that would investigate the Capitol riots.
[ Audience booing ]
After the vote, Republicans said they'll gladly explain
their decision in an upcoming QAnon -- I mean Q&A.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Thank you.
That's a great crowd.
Senate Republicans said they'd rather investigate
something more important, like
why wasn't Paul Rudd in the "Friends" reunion?
Come on! [ Cheers and applause ]
That makes more sense.
Here's some good news.
Right here this weekend all New York beaches
will be open, and vaccine buses
will be stationed on a few of them.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And just to make sure they attract a crowd,
all the vaccine buses will play the Mr. Softee jingle.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, the vaccine buses are a great idea
because when they're done, they can just toss the needles
on the beach with all the others.
[ Audience oohs ]
"Hey, what are you gonna do?"
[ Laughter ] "We're at the beach!"
-"Hey, I'm with the Sausage Council!"
-"That's right. We work for the Sausage Council.
What he said." [ Laughter ]
Another sign that we're returning to normal --
Costco is bringing back their free samples.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Don't worry, though. They're still being careful.
Now a Costco employee will just slingshot
a cheese cube into your mouth. [ Laughter ]
Some more business news -- American Airlines
just announced that they're partnering with Rosetta Stone
to offer language courses to passengers during flights.
-Ooh.
-You think someone kicking your seat is tough,
imagine sitting next to some guy sounding out French
for six hours. [ Laughter ]
"Bonj-- bonjoi-- Bonjoar?
Aurevware? Aurvware. Aurvwar.
Aurvwar. Aurvwar.
Aurvwar. Bonjar.
Bonjar. Aurvoir. Jonbar."
John Bar Jarvoir, everyone. [ Laughter ]
Love him.
That's right. The airline's also offering
courses like photography.
So flying isn't awkward enough.
Just wait till a stranger's snapping photos of you sleeping.
[ Laughter ]
"You looked beautiful and peaceful."
[ Laughter ]
Well, this made me laugh.
Yesterday a CNN reporter was preparing for a live shot
when he realized a cicada was on him.
Take a look at this.
-Am I going to be in the -- in the same block out of this
or going to take a break?
Okay.
[ Audience ohs ]
Oh!
Oh, my God!
[Bleep]
[Bleep] cicada.
[ Laughter ]
-Everyone in the control room was like --
they just sat back there like, "Let's just see how this --"
[ Laughter ]
"Let's see how this plays out.
Let's not say anything." [ Laughter ]
Speaking of cicadas, a photographer in Virginia
has recently picked up an interesting new hobby.
Check this out.
-We started with my son's fire truck.
I decided to do a cicada rock band.
This cicada is doing archery.
[ Laughter ] This cicada was lifting.
Look, Ping-Pong.
[ Laughter ]
-Okay, so clearly not everyone made it through quarantine okay.
[ Laughter ] -Ping-Pong.
-Guys, finally, as I mentioned, Monday is Memorial Day,
and people are excited to go to barbecues again.
I love a good old-fashioned potluck,
where everyone brings a side.
But there's nothing worse
than when no one wants to eat your side.
Here, let me explain with a "Tonight Show" tiny song.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
♪ It's my first barbecue in two years ♪
♪ Can't wait to see my friends and crack some beers ♪
♪ Dave brought fruit salad, Ann brought rum lemonade ♪
♪ But no one's touched the thing that I made ♪
♪ Somebody eat my carrot slaw ♪
♪ Please somebody eat my carrot slaw ♪
♪ Heard someone ask, "Hey, what's that supposed to be?" ♪
♪ Glad my grandma's not 'cause it's her recipe ♪
♪ Somebody eat my carrot slaw ♪
♪ No one put it on their plate even though I'm right here ♪
♪ Saying, "Doesn't this look great? ♪
♪ Now I'm leaving the party ♪
♪ Can't look people in the eye ♪
♪ So I'll just throw it in my freezer ♪
♪ Till the fourth of July ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Two, three, four.
♪♪
We have a great show.
Give it up for the Roots, everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Uh, we have to do it again. We have to do it again.
-We got to do it again?
[ Laughter ]
-Wow. That's what I call sausage council.
-Oh, yeah. [ Laughter ]
Guys, I wanted to give a quick
shout-out to our friend Lady Gaga.
[ Cheers and applause ] Because we love her,
and this week is the 10th anniversary of her album
"Born This Way." [ Cheers and applause ]
And she's been a great friend of the show.
It's her first number-one album.
This record is just so important to so many people.
And we just wanted to give her some love.
[ Cheers and applause ]