[MUSIC PLAYING]
Was that the extended remix?
What the fuck?
This month, Netflix launched a new dating show that's even
wilder than "90 Day Fiancé."
I have met the person I want to spend the rest of my life
with.
I have never seen her before.
NARRATOR: Here you will choose someone to marry.
Hello.
Nice to hear from you.
So on this show, you have to marry someone,
but you never get a chance to meet them.
So it just should have been called "Green Card Office,"
but hey.
Oh.
Some of y'all don't like that joke, but somewhere my uncle
is laughing his ass off.
Oh, I love you Betsy.
[THEME MUSIC]
So what are some of your biggest turnoffs?
So what are you looking for in a woman?
I can't see my life without you.
Will you be my wife?
I am engaged to somebody I have never seen before.
I hope he just finds me very attractive.
Watch her fiancé to walk into the room like Rebecca?
Oh, that's you?
Oh.
- Oh, wow, woo. - Shit.
Oh.
Told me you were from Manhattan not dub city.
Oh.
Imagine standing there at the alter like--
If anyone has a reason why--
Yo, me, can I?
Can I do that on my own thing? - No más, no más.
I'm throwing in the towel, dog.
I want you to be 1,000% open with me.
There's my student debt.
Ha!
That part!
This marriage could tear me and my family apart.
Let me just marry someone I've never met before.
I'm not even ever checking with my family again.
Because they're going to roast the shit out of me.
Hey, Mom, I got married by Nick Lachey.
Remember him from 98 Degrees?
Hello Desus and hello random woman he met.
Now shockingly, some of the engaged couples
end up having problems.
Yo, now that we're not in Turks and Caicos anymore, shit
is different.
Do you know how you tell me this
is the best sex of your life?
Have you noticed that I don't return the compliment?
Wow, wow.
Damn.
She's trying to roast him, but he's
about to hit her with the wild reverse, I still beat though.
You can't un-eat my ass.
[LAUGHTER]
Wow.
I said that one time.
And also, you did say, you said, "wow, that was amazing.
That was great."
Every time I go, "That was really good."
That enthusiasm.
Yeah.
I think that was really good after a good like "SVU."
Like, not after sex, dawg.
Like, yo, Olivia, you did that.
I've never initiated it with you.
You've always initiated it with me.
That's the problem.
Thank you so much.
Why?
Why don't you initiate it?
Why don't you seduce me?
She's like, that nigga don't be initiating.
Why don't you seduce me?
I don't know, bitch, because we met on Netflix.
I don't know.
What the fuck?
I don't even know your last name.
Why you stressing me?
Goddamn.
Shit.
To you, it's sex.
To me, it's not.
No, to me, it's not just sex.
If it was just sex, then I would have sex with everyone.
I'm just on the other side of the apartment
like [KNOCK KNOCK] "y'all wanna keep it down?"
"Yo.
Yo, y'all gonna fuck or what?"
Yo.
"Yo, I'd rather hear y'all--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
What the fuck?
Go back to that weak dick you was giving her.
Come on, man.
Fucking playing with me, yo.
That shit was wild hypnotic.
Oh yes.
Y'all-- no, y'all are not good.
Y'all are not good.
Mentally, nobody is good.
Nobody-- none of y'all.
No, you're giving the dog merlot.
You're not good.
The dog is like, "Excuse you, excuse you, it's Malbec."
Oh, pardon, pardon.
Pardon, pardon.
Fam, is she drinking the same--
yeah, of course she was.
What's she supposed to do, get two separate glasses?
[LAUGHTER]
At that moment, he was like, "Oh, god, I went down on her."
Oh.
Think about it.
Yeah.
She'll let her dog drink from the wine.
Yeah, the dog is getting a little,
you know what I'm saying?
It's getting a little-- he's getting a little saucy.
A little peanut butter down there action.
You know what I'm saying? No?
No?
So I'm disgusting but she let a dog drink out the wine glass.
[LAUGHTER]
[WHISTLE]
I earned this.
Wear it with pride.