Yeah, you're saying that the 3 second rule is easier, because you have 3 seconds to go over and
approach her, and you're not inside of your head, and you're more focused on doing the approach
which eliminates the approach anxiety. You get warmed up. The idea here with doing warm ups
is it's like a social muscle. The more that you warm up, and in this case it's going to be going
over to women and talking to them with some sort of easy opener. You went up to them and said hey,
I just want to say you look very nice today, have a nice day. You did that, that was
pretty easy for you to do, and then it gets you warmed up,
and you got to remember too the more that you do that... the more that you do that,
the easier it's going to be to do the rest of the approaches. This is how confidence is built.
Confidence is built by doing things that are out of your comfort zone. But the idea of
continuously doing things that are uncomfortable, entering into an uncomfortable space
is going to make you more confident. It's like a micro and a macro. On the micro level, you're
going to be doing an approach, you're gonna be talking to a girl, and you're going to be opening
up a conversation which is going to be scary. The more that you do things that are uncomfortable,
the more comfortable you're going to get. It's being comfortable with the uncomfortable.
In this little micro version of you going up and approaching the woman, you told me you're scared
that it might not go the way that you want it. We have to understand we're not looking for an
outcome here. We're not looking for a specific outcome with an approach of the woman. That's what
most people do. And what happens is they stress themselves out and it becomes this really big feat
that they're trying to attempt. And because they're making it so big in their head to go over
and approach the girl, they end up not doing it or they do it and they end up freaking themselves
out altogether. The idea here is you need to be going up to a girl and you need to be thinking
that you're focused on having a conversation with her. However the conversation goes, it goes.
We want to be almost essentially super Buddhist with this. What that means is you're the observer.
You're the person observing, not judging. I'll say that again. You're the person who's observing,
not judging. The person who's judging is attached to their emotions. You're judging it based on the
fact that is it going to go well, is it not gonna go well, is she gonna reject me, will I get a
number, will I embarrass myself, am I gonna flub, is something bad gonna happen. I want you to be
the observer. We're taking on a whole new role here. The observer sees the approach and goes,
I'm going to go and approach and I'm going to see what happens. We're staying unbiased.
And we're staying completely objective. Let's see what happens. And then from there,
when we don't attach an emotion to it... so this is like a stoic way of thinking about it,
maybe Buddhist wasn't the exact right word, but it's is a combination of Buddhist and stoic.
We're not attaching any emotion to it. We can look at this as a process where we continuously get
better. Imagine you were trying to play basketball and shoot the hoop. You can judge yourself...
"oh I took a shot. It didn't work out, man. I suck. I can't believe I air balled it. That was so
terrible." Or you can say... "you know what? I air balled it. Obviously that's not what I
wanted to happen. I wanted to get the ball in the hoop. Instead, I need to figure out how can
I get this ball closer to the net? Do I need to push it more up? Do I need to get closer? Do I
need to dribble up to the net more? Do I need to..." whatever you need to do. In this case,
it's the same idea. We're looking at this almost as an experiment. Hopefully a fun experiment as
difficult as it may be. But a fun experiment in the in the fact that you get an opportunity to
talk to a girl, which is fun. And I want you to think that way like this is fun. We get to we
get to talk to girls, that should be fun. And then what we do with that is we say okay, I went over,
I delivered the line. You know what? I didn't get it so well. Oh, you know what
within 10 seconds she just walked off. Yeah, that was a little nerve wracking.
What can I do better next time? The reason why we're even having you do these approaches,
is so we can get better at the approaches. We're not trying to get numbers. We're not trying to
get a date or sleep with her. Now those things might happen and cool bonus if they do.
But we need to get to the point where you can even hold a conversation, get better at conversation.
Then the results that you're looking for will happen. It's almost the Field of Dreams saying,
"if you build it, they will come." That's the whole idea here. And I don't want you
to be concerned with the fact that it might go wrong. The only concern you should ever have is,
are you making the attempt to go over and do the approach. When you're approaching groups,
nothing changes. The only difference when you're approaching one woman,
and a group of women, the only difference is you're going to have to let the other people
who is with the girl that you're interested in, in the conversation a little bit more.
That means that when you're going over and you're approaching a woman, you're still just approaching
her. You almost want to treat it exactly the same where you're just approaching her and
you are going to ignore the group for those 5 - 6 seconds that you're doing the approach.
You're going to be delivering the line, your opening line "hey, two seconds, I wanted to
come meet you." And then what you'll do is from there... this is going to take some practice
and being a little bit socially savvy and aware of what's going on in the group of people...
you might want to bring in the rest of the group into the conversation.
But it all depends on what's going on. It's not a one size fits all. Maybe you're at a
bar and you go up and you approach a woman. And instantly those girls that she's with
are just talking amongst themselves. Well, you don't need to bring them in the conversation.
But maybe a couple of them are just staring you down. Then you realize maybe I should bring them
in a conversation and have them come into what I'm talking about, depending on where you are in the
conversation. Maybe it's a day approach and you're going in and you're approaching a girl who's with
another girl so it's two girls. Obviously you're leaving that one out. You might want to bring her
into conversation more. But the idea is, is if you go over to a group and you approach everybody...
first of all, you're making it harder for yourself because you have to all of a sudden
get the interest and attention of anywhere from two to six people.
But that's not the point of the approach. We're not trying to win over everyone. You're trying
to go over to the woman that you're interested in. You want to start there, so it makes sense
of why you're over there. Otherwise, you're gonna be working harder, not smarter. You're
gonna be working harder because you're gonna be going over to a whole group of people,
all of a sudden capturing the attention of anywhere from two to six people or more,
and then somehow guiding the direction over to the woman that you're interested in... and it's
just a lot less smooth. Why not start with going over to the woman that you're interested in?
Going over to her and then you can bring in the rest of the group as need be.