Hey Guys welcome back Thanks for Joining me this Week we're talking about something That's really important Towards our Healing Journey and
That is not Blaming Yourself for the ending of This
relationship you Know so often i have men and Women
Come up to me either They're Clients of mine or Just People That are asking me questions either on YouTube or social media and
They Ask you know is there something i could have done or
you Know maybe i didn't do enough of This and it's a Lot of Blaming of
Yourself You Know blaming for That relationship ending Thinking That Because someone left you
Because someone cheated on you because someone had a fare behind your back
Lied Behind your back Whatever the situation is That's really Painful that We Need to heal from Because this
Heartbreak has Happened we tend to Just go within and blame Ourselves
You Know what did i do wrong that Caused this you know and i know
I've gone into detail in terms of What we can Do Going Forward to prevent us from
Attracting Unhealthy People That Will do These Things to us but this video is Really about
you Know not blaming Yourself for something That someone else did to you i see so many People take on the
responsibility Of relationships ending and
It's Just Not Number One Healthy and it's not Your
responsibility and it's not true you are not the reason why the
Relationship Ended The relationship Ended Because of The other person Because They wanted it to end for Whatever their Reasons are and
Like i said if you have Been in a relationship with a Narcissist or a sociopath?
They are not going to raise their hand and Say
Well This is What i did to cause the relationship to end i was emotionally Unavailable i
you Know Was a Workaholic i
Put My Career and My Friendships Before My relationship or My marriage i
Didn't Spend enough time in My spouse i wasn't the person that i was in the beginning of the relationship i've
Changed You Know they don't really take responsibility
for Their own Actions They Just don't Instead What they do is They Run away and they do something That's probably Hurtful i
Cheetor Affairs and Why or Whatever
Or they Just quite Frankly look at You and Say You're the one to blame
Healthy
Relationships are about Unconditional Love and Unconditional Love means i love you Flaws and All so When You're being Cranky at me because you're Hungry
or
You Know you've had a Bad day You've Taken down on me a little bit as long as You come back and you own it
And You Say you know what i'm sorry i did that i was Just being like a Little Cranky
Then it's like we're all Human and i think in this day and age We Expect our partners to be this
Perfection and When They're not Perfection we Just leave the relationship and the People
That do These Heartbreaking Things like Have affairs and Cheat and Just Jump Ship or lie
you Know behind your back for Years and Years are the People That
Are Just going to continue to make the same Mistakes Over and Over again and i had someone Ask me you know do you think
You Know my ex Wife cheating on me and Now i have this Thing That like all Women Cheat no not all Women Cheat and
Once a cheater Always a Cheater to be honest i don't know i think when you make a Mistake Once
That's different Than It happening multiple Times Because When It happens multiple Times and you start Actually Having a Physical and Emotional Affair
What Happened Was you Left Your responsibility to in this relationship and went and started a Whole New one and in my Mind
That's not a true test to a Healthy person because a Healthy person is gonna say okay there's a Problem This
relationship
I'm gonna take responsibility
for My Part in the relationship to help fix It and most of The time the People that Jump Ship don't take Responsibility
for Their Part and the Other partner is sitting there taking on
Everything The person That You're Dealing With is not Healthy or
Capable To raise their hand and Say okay this Was my part in the release and and why this relationship
Ended Most of The Times the People that live at Having affairs that Cheat That Just completely give up on a marriage or a relationship
And Just abandoned in the relationship and Throw Someone Away Like They're Yesterday's garbage They have an inability to take?
responsibility for Their actions and more Than Likely you're a Really Good Hearted
Probably a Little Codependent Maybe a Little Bit of a People Pleaser Type of a Person
And You take on the responsibility of the relationship so the reason Why the relationship Ended you're going to completely take on all of That
responsibility When in fact the relationship Ended Because Probably The Other person Was incapable of Actually Having
True Healthy adult Relations and What That means is iF something's Going wrong in Your
relationship The Healthy Way to go about this is to say What am i doing wrong in the
Relationship to not have That relationship that i would like What can i do well how can i change
To help This relationship Along to get it to where i would like it to be
Because The fact of the Matter is the person that probably Left You or cheated on you wasn't happy but Instead of fixing Themselves
you Know going Within and Saying What am i doing wrong That's causing my own happiness in this relationship
Instead What They did is they put it all on you and then They went It somewhere else to find their quote happiness somewhere else
The Fact of The Matter is
AnyThing That that person did to you has
Nothing to do with you it has to do with them it has
To do with Their lack of Character Their lack of Morals Their lack of Empathy They Themselves are not Healthy and Whole
By Themselves They are not a Healthy person because if They were
They Would never Be Able to truly hurt you to cause you that much Heartbreak i heard a video Recently By Td Jakes and
He's a preacher he's a Motivational Speaker?
He's Absolutely Amazing i know he's been on a couple of like You know he's Been an oprah like a Bunch of Times and he
Said something You Know When we Get Married We Get Married Because our
relationship Is a Happy relationship it'S one that we want to be in you know or that That Very beginning stages of a
relationship The Honeymoon phase are absolutely Amazing
But The true test of a relationship is not Saying okay i'm gonna Marry You during the Good Times
It's i'm gonna Marry you
During The Bad Times i'm gonna stick with you Through
Thick and thin it's what We Say in our vows When we Marry someone you know and even if you're not Married and you Just
Are in a Long-term relationship
You are making a commitment to that person you're telling that person
Through Good Times and you know you don't Need to stand in a Church or
In front of Your family and friends and declare Through Thick and thin You being with someone for a long Period of time is you
Giving That commitment to someone and i think that People
Number One don't really Honor Those Vows They don't even understand What They Mean
you Know everyone gets Married When the Good Times are good but What happens When the Bad Times come
Because They are going to because That's life life is not going to be sunshine
Every single day and When the times Get tough are you gonna raise your hand and say okay what am i doing how can i
Change What can i do Better in this relationship even if i think i'm Doing everything i Possibly can
Obviously There's something Else i can give a Little Bit more There's Always more That You could Reach Down and give the other person and
The People That Jump Ship and do These Hurtful Things They can't do that They can't do that Because They put
Their happiness in The Hands of someone else They Put the responsibility of the
Successfulness of The relationship in the Hands of someone else and That's What happens a lot in
Couples Coach Or a Couples Counseling you know if you go to a therapist it's Just Two People
Telling Each Other Well You did this and you did that and there's no One Actually taking responsibility for Their actions and
So i Just wanted to make This video Because When you're sitting there thinking
What did i do wrong i must have done something Wrong It must be me
You Know i wasn't cute enough or thin enough or happy enough or i didn't compliment them enough
Whatever it is that They've told You Number one that you didn't do for them
and Number two Just The story that you've Kind of told Yourself
Over and Over Again about How you're not enough you know that That's the reason Why someone left you we have to start not
Taking Someone Doing What They did to us
Personally It's gonna Take Time
to get that Thought Out of your Head of What did i do Wrong It must be me i must not be good enough i
Must Not be lovable enough all of Those Thoughts
Because Now you've
Repeated That Thought so much That Now it's imprinted in your Mind and Now it's time to take control of That thought so every time
That thought Comes Up of What did i do wrong Maybe wasn't Doing this enough or that enough no
That Thought Just Goes away and you Say you know what i'm not Believing that thought today I did nothing wrong
Because even if you can look back in Hindsight and Say Well maybe i could Have done This a Little Better
Okay but That That's no reason for someone to have done What they did to you That'S no reason for someone
To have Thrown You away like Yesterday's trash You didn't deserve that Because we're all Human and no One's Perfect and
The true relationships Whether That's Friendship Family
Intimate relationships It Doesn't Matter it's about accepting People
Flaws and all and There are some Flaws that we can Accept That are completely and utterly
Unhealthy and Then there are others Like okay she was being a Little Moody Today or okay he was being a Little stubborn and
You Know maybe Not the nicest person it's it's it's a gray line it's not Black and White and perfection doesn't Exist and so
If you can look back on your last relationship and listen to what the other person said and Say okay you know What
Maybe i could Have done something Better Maybe i could have done that Better Maybe i will take That into my next relationship?
Or maybe i won't maybe i'm completely Happy with who i am inside
And Out and i'm gonna find someone That's gonna love all of This
Unconditionally and It's Out There you know if you
Change Only happens if you want it to happen so if you're perfectly happy with the way you are
Rock on no one can Make you change and
What happens is People
Expect Their partner to change and never do any Changing Themselves
And so they Put all of that on to the other partner and When no change starts to happen they Jump Ship and
That's not Healthy Because your happiness
Starts with You so like i said if you and i know i
Feel Like Tony Robbins Says This a Lot When he does some of his videos on
you Know like couples coaching and Things of That Trying to help you know People have a Successful marriage is
You Have you have to take responsibility for Yourself in your marriage so if there's something going on and you Feel like?
You Know my Wife my Wife is not happy well what are you
That Maybe Isn't causing her to feel happy in the relationship
Were you once Very attentive and now over the Years
Because you Know Work gets in the way Kids get in the way what have you and It happens because we're Human and
Life sometimes Takes Over But Have you thought about
You Know am i being the supportive Husband Am i being the loving Husband to her am i really there for her you know?
The Fact of Matter is Women at least i'll Speak for Myself but most most Women
require Very Little It They Just want the emotional Support
You Know and men are the providers so they want to be Able to provide that to a Woman
And Same Thing Goes for a Woman and a Man You know iF your Husband is Unhappy What are the things That
you Aren't Doing That Maybe You did in the beginning of the relationship
Are you a Little Bit more Rigid Now because like you have Kids and you Guys have Been Together for so long and there's
responsibilities and and you're not as light-Hearted and Fun and easygoing as You once were in the beginning of the
relationship and Just Kind of Lackadaisical
Like Maybe We Need to get back to that That's where you take responsibility for Yourself in your own relationship
and When that happens
Marriages end Up being Successful and People Fall back in love with each Other and
The Romance Is there and the Chemistry is there and the Attraction is there it's When
We Just Point our Finger at someone Else
Constantly and Expect them to change that you know resentment happens and bitterness happens and anger happens and
divorce happens because no One's taking responsibility for Their own Part in the relationship so i hope this Helps Everyone out there
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Down Below and i will see you in my next video
you