I was 12 years old when I came out which I guess,
even by today’s standards would be kind of young
I was 17 at the time and I had an older boyfriend
and I was sneaking around and lying to my parents about
all sorts of things I was doing
I came out quite late in life
and I was married and had two kids
I first had the realisation that I was not a boy about 15 years ago
My husband sort of realised that something was wrong
because our sex life wasn’t that great
I think probably the scariest was my Dad
who used to be a Catholic priest in Sri Lanka
(no pressure)
So I remember he was dropping me off at a party.
It was like ninth grade.
I had like a stash of booze hidden in my backpack
and he just asked me and I was like
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m gay”
and then that was it and I just went to this party,
got very very drunk
and we never really spoke about it
About 15 years ago, I first really started to accept that I wasn’t a boy
and the first person I had to come out to
and say that to and own it was myself.
I had lots of long conversations after a few too many drinks because it takes the edge off
just to tell people about this thing that was eating away at me.
I would say to people, “I don’t think I’m a boy”
and that was the only way I could really express it,
“I don’t think I’m a boy”
By the time I came out, I think it was like “Yeah, duh”
I was in my 30s and realised that my sexuality was incredibly important.
My same sex attraction was always there in the background.
So I went to see a counsellor and it was basically through the counselling
that I had to come out to myself, first and foremost
and then start to be honest about how I really was.
It was always kind of difficult for me to see my reflection.
Walking around in public, in the mirror of a parked car or in a shop window, just catching
a glimpse of myself.
It was interesting because it would startle me.
I would see somebody that wasn’t me and it would shock me for a moment
and stop me in my tracks.
And recently, it’s been happening all over again, but for a completely different reason.
Startled and shocked because for the first time, I am seeing who I feel like I am inside.
I honestly can’t remember ever going through a stage of my life
where I didn’t know on some level know that I was gay.
It’s funny though because my parents had the audacity to be surprised when I came out.
And I was like ‘you bought me the Spice Girls VHS tapes for my birthday.
You can’t say that you weren’t expecting this’
Oh my God, my life before coming out, it was like a maze of secrets and lies.
This was probably late 90s early 00s, so chatrooms were in, it was a big deal.
I think I was worried what my parents and family would think.
I think that was the biggest thing.
I remember there was one case, I must have been in the 8th or 9th grade
and I got a text message from a random number inviting me out
to a park at night for a quickie
and they said “we’re gay, we’ve seen you around.”
And i just kind of laughed it off and it wasn’t until maybe a year or two later, that I learnt
that their real intention was to pull me out and beat the crap out of me.
I guess that’s the biggest fear.
Just not knowing where it’s going to go
when you decide to share that information about yourself.
I basically stayed married for a couple of years after I came out
but it was clear that it just wasn’t going to work.
And in that time I met someone, who I now have been with for 15 years.
And when I met her, that was sort of the catalyst for ending the marriage
and moving into my new life.
The thing for me that was so important in this was having friends who not only supported
and accepted me but also didn’t see that as the most interesting thing about me.
I was never their ‘gay friend’.
I was just their friend who happened to be gay and they still saw me as
a person with perhaps more interesting traits.
And the truth is, that those people who have loved me have seen enough in me that they
will support me no matter what and that’s something I have to remind myself of
over and over again.
Coming out is an individual journey.
Everyone’s journey is different and everyone’s struggle is different
and everyone’s path to it is really valid.
I would say do it in your own time.
But at the same time understand that it’s going to be hard
and it’s not going to be easy
and it’s probably kind of a shitty process.
But I think once you do it, it’s just like a weight lifted off your shoulders.
If I was going back and giving advice to myself, I would say,
don’t start transitioning in Australian summer
because learning foundation is real hard when it’s humid.
I think coming out is a right, but I also think it’s a privilege in the sense that
not everybody is going to be as lucky as you might be if, you know, you’re in sort of
an inner Sydney, white, left leaning family.
Sometimes you feel like you’re opening a door up into the unknown.
But all I can say is that one the other side, there is this wonderful, technicolour world
that is waiting for you.
In terms of a story, it’s a Netflix series more than anything else.
Episode after episode and I just hope nobody cancels it.
I’m a journalist, I’m a piano player and a terrible cook
and I’m a dude who likes dudes
Hey mum!
I’m a mum, I’m a fiancé, getting married in April
and I’m a lesbian
I’m a skateboarder, I’m a writer, I’m work in tech, I’m a total nerd
and I’m a transgender woman
I love sharing my story, I’m out, I’m free
and I’m gay