(Intro)
I'm proud of you.
Aw...
And I'm sure that your dad is proud of you too.
Aw...
I made it to the end already,
Don't make me cry.
(Segment Intro)
Welcome to The Confession Room.
Could you share what you are struggling with?
Hi
(To) the person on the other side.
I wouldn't say this is a struggle,
But rather,
Something that I have been dealing with.
My dad passed away close to three years ago.
I guess the thing that I'm struggling with is
Dealing with the grieve of his passing.
(The) context is that it was very sudden.
Due to a personal reason that I
Don't really wish to share online.
Because this is the first lost
That I have ever experienced
Of someone close to me.
So, everything is so new
And everything came as a shock.
Life has definitely changed after that.
The fact that I can even
Talk about it now without
Tearing up is a huge improvement
From last time.
I come from a family that
We are very
Typical Asian family.
We don't really talk about our feelings.
I don't really like to show people
My vulnerable side.
So I always do it secretly.
Maybe (I will do it) in the shower or
When I'm alone.
I only ever talked about grieve with my friends.
My way of dealing of grieve was to
Pile myself up with work
With things to do so I wouldn't think.
Actually, (it was) just nice at that period of time
(It) was the time where I applied to TSL.
So, everything fell in place nicely.
But in hindsight,
I don't know.
Maybe that's the reason why I occasionally have
Breakdowns.
But then again,
I think breakdowns are very normal.
To people dealing with grieve.
I think because of this
Some (of) the places I go
Makes me feel anxious.
Some songs I avoid
Because
I kept replaying it during the funeral period.
So, it reminds me of that period.
I think anyone who have dealt with grieve can
Relate to a certain extent.
I would say I'm a daddy's girl
So,
Definitely this grieve will go on for quite some time.
And
There will definitely be times where
I will breakdown.
Or especially during
Special occasions,
Death anniversary or his birthday, that kind of thing.
The emotions that I feel is not
It's still strong but not as strong as
When it just happened.
(It's) not as fresh,
But the wound is still there.
It's still just slowly healing.
When people ask me if
There are any regrets,
It's not
I don't think it's any regrets about
Anything that I haven't done with him.
But more so of
Things that I wouldn't be able to do with him in the future.
I think I will always have
The regret that he
He wasn't able to become a grandfather
Wasn't able to physically see any of us get married
Wouldn't be able to be at my wedding.
That kind of thing.
I think I have a very great handful of friends.
Who were there for me
As my support system.
I think it's crucial for everyone
To be able to let out their feelings.
Ya.
Okay, hello.
Hello.
Thanks for sharing your story.
You may or may not know who I am.
But I would like to say
I think that all (of) your
Emotions and experiences are valid.
And I really appreciate
You sharing your story because
I think I share a similar story.
So,
My mum passed away three years ago as well.
I feel like we are (of) the same age
Like mid twenties.
For people like us who lose
A parent during this age is
It's a bit difficult because
I feel that not many people in their twenties lose their parent.
Normally, maybe when we are married with a lot of children
Then, when our parents become grandparents
You know, eventually death will come.
Because it's an eventual thing.
But for us, during our mid twenties,
It's kind of the period when you kind of want to pay them back or
Want them to finally see you
Move on with life.
Then, I feel that
It's a bit sad that
They won't get to see it.
I don't think any advice that I give you now
Will be very helpful.
But, what I can offer you is
Assurance that
Or comfort that
This is something that
You are not going through alone.
You're not the only person in the world going through this grieve.
I think I used to think that
I was very alone.
I never heard of someone around me who lose a parent.
And sometimes I feel
People may not understand what I feel
So, even when I talk to my friends
I feel a bit better but
Not totally better because I know that
What I said, they can't really
Understand to the fullest.
That's true.
Ya.
My mum passed away from
Stage 4 cancer.
So before she passed,
I wouldn't say it was a sudden thing
But it was a four year long journey.
Or we were kind of fighting a losing battle.
Even though maybe there's a five percent
In me, I hope some miracle will come.
When I walked past the hospital,
Or I walk past
A certain place we used to go or
A certain restaurant we went to eat,
Ya.
That I used to frequent.
Then I will feel a bit
Oh my god.
(Alison) This is the place. (Estee) Very tense right?
Ya. Then I feel that I have to mentally prep myself.
Yep.
But then,
Like what you said,
I think the fact that we can talk about it now
Without
Bursting.
(Estee) Ya. (Alison) Because I feel that last time, when I said the word 'mum'
I will (burst into tears).
Ya.
Same.
Ya, so
I don't know if you had this experience.
But during the funeral that time,
The encouragement I hear the most is 'stay strong'.
Then, I
I low key found it a bit annoying.
Wah, I hate it.
Because it's like
(Estee) I'm sorry. (Alison) I cannot.
I'm sorry to all my friends if
My replies were super cold but
I find it very redundant to be
'Oh, stay strong.'
That kind (of words), 'life will go on'
All the typical words that are not useful.
The thought is definitely there.
But,
If you're not the one going through it,
I think whatever words won't really help.
Ya. I think that's what I learned.
Anyone who's grieving, they should be given
However long they need to grieve.
Because'
Different people grieve differently
For different periods of time.
I feel that a better word to say instead of 'stay strong' would be
'Let me know if you need help' or
'Let me know if you need someone to talk to'.
I feel like a failure when I don't stay strong.
The more I will feel even more sad.
'Oh no, I'm such a failure. I cannot stay strong.'
Because that's like the goal.
That everybody is telling me to 'stay strong'.
You know on the thing you said about on their birthday or death day,
You kind of know it's going to happen
So I think one thing that helps me,
I sort of either mentally prep myself or
I plan something on that day to kind of
Commemorate it.
Even if it's a very simple (act of) visiting the columbarium.
It cheers me up a bit to know that
I'm remembering her on that day.
Actually, I want to ask
Do you ever feel like
I mean, I don't know if you know (of) people who lost their parents
At a younger age than us, so (they are not) in our twenties.
I don't know if
You ever feel like
Like maybe,
Maybe, you don't have it as bad as them.
You know what I mean.
I think sometimes I try to
Invalidate my own grieve.
By thinking like
You know some people, maybe they don't have parents.
Or maybe, they do lost their parents at a younger age
So, they didn't grew up with a parent.
At least I get to experience
Ya.
Love from a parent.
I know what the feels like and
Not say (that) my relationship was bad.
But I guess,
Different people have different circumstances.
But I think it made me realize not
Just because someone has it bad, doesn't mean mine is better or whatever.
I think grieve is still grieve.
Ya.
I'm not comparing my grieve with yours.
Rather like, I find comfort in similar experiences.
Ya.
If anyone needs help,
They should try to reach out also.
I think we were quite blessed to have
Friends to be our support system.
But I guess some people think that
It should be dealt with, personally.
But, maybe if it's too much to bear,
Then I find like maybe they can reach out to friends or
I think even seeing a therapist to help process it.
Then, that will help them.
Thank you so much for listening.
I think
I don't know.
As much as I don't want it to be a taboo topic,
I think it is still a very heavy thing to talk about death.
Ya. So, thank you for listening and
Thank you for sharing your story also.
Thank you for giving advice too.
I think it's good that
I think it's great that we
Can relate in this way.
And I'm sure a lot of people
Out there can relate to as well.
Likewise,
Thank you for being open about it.
I feel like even though
We are separated by this wall,
I feel like
I think
I feel like today I connected with someone on a special level
That maybe only we know about.
And I guess,
I will want to say that I'm proud of you.
Aw...
And,
I'm sure that your dad is proud of you too.
Aw...
And,
I made it till the end already, don't make me cry.
(Alison) And I know my mum is proud of me as well. (Estee) Cannot.
(Alison) And I know my mum is proud of me as well.
(Estee) Yes. (Alison) And I know my mum is proud of me as well.
And I'm very thankful for this time together,
That we get to share something.
Here.
So did you go on to Korea?
Or like
Well, I worked there for a while.
Interesting.
I felt exactly how you are feeling right now when
I had to make a decision whether or not to
Find a new path or continue what I was doing.