Hello and welcome, my name is Heather I’m a registered professional counsellor and a
certified life coach, I’ve had my private practice for about 9 years and I’m a huge
fan of Gilmore Girls! If you’re new here, thank you so much for being here. My intention
behind these videos is to bring a deeper understanding of the characters by using therapeutic theories
and to hopefully reduce the stigma around therapy and reaching out for counselling as
anyone can benefit from these services. If that is something you support, please subscribe
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Today I’m going to be analyzing the episodes where Lorelai and Max meet and agree to start
dating! Let’s get to the show.
Lorelai is attending a parent teacher night at Chilton and she shows up late. I feel like
she hasn’t had the best impressions at this school so far. Also, who puts a globe right
beside the door?
Max Medina is one of Rory’s teachers at Chilton and he seems like a really nice guy.
You can tell that he cares about being an educator and that he really cares about Rory.
It’s clear that Lorelai and Max already have a connection and that there’s a sense
of attraction between the two. Max also made a joke about the other parents because they
were saying some rude things about Lorelai and that Rory must be a scholarship student
because Lorelai is different from the other parents there and by making a joke, Max is
trying to make her feel more comfortable. So they chat a bit more and they share some
witty comments and Lorelai finds out that Rory got a D on a paper so she rushes home
to see her.
So this was the episode where a deer hit Rory while she was driving to the big test that
all the parents were worried about at the parent/teacher conference. Essentially Rory woke
up late from a night of studying, drove her mom's jeep to school, which is she even allowed
to drive by herself? I don't know if she has a license or not. She shows up late to school and was told that
she wasn’t allowed to take the test and Lorelai shows up and gets upset with Max because
he was following the school rules. In this next scene we will see them meet shortly after
that incident.
We can see that Lorelai hasn’t fully forgiven Max for not letting Rory write the test and
in the last episode she said he thought he cared about Rory and that he was different.
And by calling him Mr. Medina over and over again, she’s wanting to make a point that
they’re not on friendly terms and she tried to remain formal.
Max received her message loud and clear.
He reminds Lorelai that he was following the rules and doing his job, which I completely
understand. As an educator, you’re a person of authority and you can’t be giving special
treatment to certain students, no matter how attractive you find the student’s mom.
I think he does a good job trying to reassure her that he does have Rory’s best interests
at heart and that he’ll do his best to support her. Anyone else thinks Max was a great teacher?
Give me a thumbs up if you agree!
Max is asking Lorelai out and she’s hesitant. She’s concerned about the
rules or policies around parents dating the teachers and I’m sure she’s also thinking
about Rory and how she might feel about this. There’s also a lot of potential complications
that may happen if they start dating and Lorelai is just trying to be realistic.
Max tries to convince Lorelai that there’s nothing that formally states that a parent
cannot date a teacher and again, I would also imagine it being an unwritten rule because
then there’s dual relationships and that can get really complicated and we’ll see
examples of that later in the show.
So Lorelai tells Max where and when she goes for coffee and that if they happen to run into each other then she won’t ignore him. So this is a
sign that there’s a part of her that actually does want to go out with Max and she’s curious
as to where that may lead them.
Whenever we see them interact, they have a witty banter that goes back and forth between
them. It shows that they’re on the same speed in terms of thought process and communication
styles and I think that’s one of the reasons they’re so attracted to each other.
This is one of my favorite quotes of the show and I wish I could use that naturally in
a conversation.
It’s good that Max is bringing up some of the worries or concerns Lorelai has around
them dating and it’s a good sign that he understands what those concerns are so he can
try to address them. They spend more time discussing why they should date and that they
would be careful and discrete and there was more witty banter between them.
Lorelai agrees to go out for dinner with Max and they made plans to go on Thursday night.
However, Babette’s cat, Cinnamon passed away the day of the date and she and Rory
were so busy organizing the wake and emotionally supporting their neighbours that Lorelai forgot
about her date with Max and Rory sees him arriving at their house. At this point, Lorelai
also hasn’t told Rory about dating Max.
Max is clearly disappointed but he’s overall understanding. He wants to make sure the
emergency wasn’t about Rory and when Lorelai told him about Cinnamon, he was skeptical
and thought Lorelai was making up excuses to not date him.
They’ve agreed to reschedule and Lorelai assures Max that this is something she wants
to do. I can understand why he thought Loreali was making up excuses to not go on a date
with him because of the concerns she has but it seems like they have a clear understanding
of each other. Now Lorelai needs to talk to Rory about why Max was there.
So we’ve seen this technique before when one uses humour to diffuse an argument. It
is an effect repair tool according to Gottman and his research around couples and communication.
However, the timing of when you use humour is also important to note, in my opinion,
Lorelai used it too soon in this interaction because Rory is in a heightened emotional
state, she’s just been blindsided with the fact that her mom and her teacher dating and
she’s slightly raising her voice.
Rory has every reason to feel what she’s feeling. She’s obviously very concerned
about how the other students will react if they find out that her mom is dating their
teacher, keep in mind that Rory is still a new student to Chilton, she’s trying to
navigate the homework and the new expectations at this school, she’s probably experiencing
some feelings of grief because she misses her old school and Lane, and she’s dealing
with her feelings around Dean because they haven’t started dating yet and she’s going
through her awkward teenage phase when it comes to boys. She’s got a lot going on
and now also having to deal with the fact that her mom is dating her teacher, it’s
a lot to take in.
Lorelai checks in with how Rory is feeling and directly asks her “Are you mad?” and
then asks if it’s because she’s dating Max. Rory says it’s because she lied and
Lorelai tried to justify the situation by saying she withheld information from Rory.
I mean, this is considered a lie. Half truths is still a full lie and lying is one of the
worst things in relationships because it erodes the trust.
I know there was a lot going on and
maybe that prevented Lorelai from telling Rory and she just didn’t see it was a priority
or maybe she wanted to wait until her date with Max was over to see if it was worth continuing
to date him before she tells Rory.
Lorelai is still trying to use humour, but I think another approach could have been for Lorelai to say,
“Rory, you’re right, I should have told you what was going on. I was just worried
about how you would react and I didn’t want to tell you until Max and I knew for sure
what this all meant. I can understand if you feel hurt that I kept this from you” or
something like that.
Rory essentially gave her blessing for Lorelai to date Max, I think she made it clear that
the issue isn’t so much of them dating but it was that Lorelai wasn’t honest to Rory
about the situation.
Lorelai is sharing how she feels about Max and she reveals that she hasn’t felt this
way in a long time and that she really likes him, which can help Rory understand that there’s
a deep connection between the two of them and that Lorelai isn’t dating Max for the
sake of dating someone.
Good, so there’s a clear resolution. Rory has made it clear that she doesn’t want
Lorelai to keep anything from her and that she’s okay with the idea of her and Max
dating and Lorelai has apologized for not telling Rory about her and Max in the first
place and promises to not keep anything from her again. This interaction gets a counsellor’s
stamp of approval.
If you have any scenes or relationships you’d like me to analyze, leave your suggestions
in the comments below. Next week’s episode I’m going to take a closer look at Lorelai
and Max’s relationship as they start dating so make sure to subscribe and hit the bell
so you don’t miss that episode. In the meantime, take a look at my other therapist reviews
videos and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. Until then be kind and love
yourself.