-With just four weeks to go
until the pivotal midterm elections
and early voting about to start in some crucial states,
Republicans and Democrats have settled
on very different strategies.
Republicans in key battleground races
that will determine control of Congress
have decided to fully embrace Donald Trump,
even as the federal criminal investigation
into his stolen classified documents intensifies.
President Biden, meanwhile, is taking the first steps
towards decriminalizing marijuana.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
♪♪ [ Cheering and applause ]
As much as we may all want him to disappear into the sunset,
Donald Trump is still very much playing
a central role in Republican politics
and, specifically, the GOP's campaign
to take back control of Congress.
Just this weekend, he traveled to Nevada and Arizona,
two crucial battleground states
with tight races for both governor and Senate,
and yet, even though Trump is theoretically supposed
to be there to campaign for other candidates,
he always, without exception, makes it about himself.
[ Laughter ] He's like the best man at a wedding
who gives a drunken toast about how awesome he is.
[ Laughter and applause ] [ As Trump ] I remember
when Jake came up to me sophomore year.
Big guy, strong guy, tears,
[ Laughter ] tears pouring down his face,
and he said to me, he told me he just met Sarah
and he needed advice from me
because I was the smartest and sexiest guy he knew.
[ Laughter and applause ]
And I told him -- I told him these exact words.
He'll remember it.
[ Laughter ] I told him.
He'll remember. I said, "If you love her,
you got to get a ring and lock. -[Both] her. up!
[ Laughter and applause ] For example,
Trump was in Nevada on Saturday to campaign
with the GOP candidates for Senate and governor,
Adam Laxalt and Joe Lombardo, who both got up to speak.
After Lombardo's remarks, he could be heard asking Trump
if he should stay up onstage with him
and I want you to guess Trump's response.
-Thank you, sir.
[ Cheering and applause ]
[ Whistling ]
-Thank you, sir.
-Okay, sir.
[ Laughter ] -Thanks, sir.
-[ As Trump ] No, no, no, no.
Off, off you go...
[ Laughter ]
You thought Donald Trump would share a stage with you?
This is a guy who once literally shoved another world leader...
[ Laughter ]
...at a NATO summit to get to the front of the group.
I'm shocked Trump didn't pick Lombardo up over his head
and throw him off the stage WWE-style.
Also, I love how sheepishly he asked Trump
if he should stay up there with him.
He's like an actor asking a table of producers
if he can audition a second time.
"Do you, um -- [ Clears throat ]
Do you want me to do that line again?"
Uh, no. You can, uh, just get the [bleep] on outta here.
[ Laughter and applause ]
And you can actually, uh, take the head shot.
[ Laughter ] And then
on Sunday, Trump went to Arizona,
ostensibly, to campaign
with Blake Masters and Kari Lake,
the GOP candidates for Senate and governor.
But again, he could not help but rant about his own problems,
including the federal criminal investigation
into the classified documents he stole from the White House.
Now, any normal person in that situation
might stay out of the spotlight or, at the very least,
avoid talking about the case in public.
But Trump, as we all know, is not normal
and, during that rally in Arizona,
Trump decided just essentially to confess.
-I had a small number of boxes in storage at Mar-A-Lago,
guarded by Secret Service and my people and everybody.
I mean, it's safe.
There is no crime. You know, there is no crime.
It's not a crime. [ Laughter ]
And they should give me, immediately, back
everything that they've taken from me
[ Laughter ] because it's mine. It's mine.
[ Cheering and applause ]
They took it from me in the raid.
They broke into my house!
-The key quote there is when he says, "It's mine."
That shows you it wasn't just some misunderstanding.
He didn't take the classified documents by accident.
He took them on purpose because he thinks they belong to him.
And, when you're proving a crime, criminal intent is key.
I know that because I watch a show called...
[ Laughter ] It's right there in the title.
There was never a "Law & Order" spinoff called...
[ Laughter ]
And then Trump decided to reel off a truly insane story
about what other presidents had done
with their own presidential records.
-George H.W. Bush
took millions of documents
to a former bowling alley
and a former Chinese restaurant,
where they combined them,
so they're in a bowling alley/ Chinese restaurant.
[ Laughter ]
-Now, usually, this would be the part of "A Closer Look"
where I carefully dissect that insanity,
but instead, I want to see what it would feel like
to actually believe him.
[ Laughter ] Which brings us to a new segment called
"Seth Takes Donald Trump at His Word."
[ Shimmering tune plays ] [ Laughter ]
You know what?
When you tell me George H.W. Bush
took millions of documents
to a bowling alley/ Chinese restaurant,
I believe you.
[ Laughter ]
I believe you because I don't think
you'd ever make something up like that.
[ Laughter ] And here's how I believe it happened.
George H.W. Bush was leaving office
and packed up millions of documents,
loaded them into what was probably multiple trucks.
And then his family came out and said,
"Whoa, Dad!
What are you doing?!"
And he said, "I'm in a super bad mood
about only serving one term. Get out of my way!"
And they said, "You can't just take all these documents."
And he said, "Not only am I taking them,
I am taking them to a bowling alley/Chinese restaurant...
[ Laughter and applause ]
...where I intend to spend my retirement picking up spares,
knocking down wontons,
and reading state secrets at my leisure!
[ Laughter and applause ]
And if you think I'm turning these trucks around,
let me assure you I'm --"
[ As Dana Carvey's Bush ] Not gonna do it.
[ Laughter and applause ] At which point,
Barbara turned to her kids and she said, "You know what?
Just let him go."
[ Laughter ] And that is why,
to this day, if you're in Texas, you can stop by...
[ Laughter and applause ]
This has been "Seth Takes Donald Trump at His Word."
[ Shimmering tune plays ]
Got to say, you guys, it's pretty fun.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I can see why people at his rallies
are having such a good time.
[ Laughter ]
Again, I want to emphasize
these aren't obscure appearances we have to go digging for.
These are rallies Trump is holding
with GOP candidates in key battleground states
to win back control of Congress.
He thinks he's actually helping those candidates.
Biden, meanwhile, is taking
an entirely different approach --
doing things people like.
For example, polls have repeatedly shown
that voters overwhelmingly say marijuana should be legal
for medical and recreational use.
And last week, Biden took an important first step
toward decriminalizing marijuana.
-President Biden is taking his first major steps
toward decriminalizing marijuana.
Today, he pardoned thousands of Americans convicted
on federal possession charges,
simple possession cases, dating back to the 1990s.
-That clears about 6,500 people convicted
between 1992 and 2021.
And he is also urging governors to pardon those convicted
of state charges, which make up
for the vast majority of convictions.
The president is also ordering his administration
to review how marijuana is classified,
saying that it makes no sense that it is a Schedule I drug
in the same class as heroin and LSD.
-You know, Biden always had that vibe of a grandpa who,
if he caught you smoking weed, would scold you
and then take a long hit...
[ Laughter ]
...before telling you he spent a summer
as a roadie for Grand Funk Railroad.
[ Laughter and applause ] This is obviously huge news
and a long overdue first step toward criminal justice reform
and undoing the racist and disproportionate impacts
of our deeply inhumane drug laws.
No one should be in jail for something you can buy
at a boutique in Beverly Hills.
There are states in this country
where you can find a high-end weed dispensary
with all kinds of fancy edibles
in a strip mall right next to a...
-Bowling alley/ Chinese restaurant.
[ Laughter and applause ] -But on top of being the right thing to do,
it might also explain a lot because there have been times
when Biden has gotten stuck onstage
in a way that makes me think
he might've just taken a giant bong rip...
[ Laughter ]
...and the weed is just starting to kick in.
[ As Biden ] Whoa!
Can anyone like see me? Am I --
[ Laughter ]
Did I turn into a statue?
[ Laughter ]
And then there's this moment from Thursday, where,
for some reason, Biden just started
silently backing away from reporters,
once he decided he didn't want to answer any more questions.
-No, the trip was not essentially for oil.
The trip was about the Middle East
and about Israel and --
and rationalization of positions.
But it is a disappointment
and it says that there are problems.
-Are you worried about -- -[ Clamoring ]
[ Laughter ]
-What is he doing?
Is he trying to do the Homer Simpson meme?
[ Laughter and applause ]
You can't -- You can't disappear.
You're on camera
in front of the most famous building in the world.
We can all see you.
It's like trying to Irish goodbye a meeting
in your own office.
[ Laughter ] So,
those are the quarterly sales reports.
A little bit lower than we expected.
And now, before I answer what I assume will be
some very angry shareholder questions,
I'm just going to head to the bathroom
and I will be right back.
[ Laughter and applause ]
And I'll just wait here
until they're gone.
[ Laughter ]
And then after, I guess,
attempting to moonwalk away from reporters,
[ Laughter ] Biden made this unfortunate gaffe
at a manufacturing event on Friday.
-Let me start off with two words --
Made in America.
[ Cheering and applause ]
Made in America.
-[ As Biden ] Greatest band ever?
[ Inhaling sharply ]
[ Laughter ]
Two words --
Grand Funk Railroad.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Now, even though this news was both hugely popular
and a big step toward a fairer and more sane drug policy,
it won't surprise you to learn that not everyone was pleased.
Specifically, Fox News had some issues,
although I'm not sure they all made sense.
-Joe is rolling out a political Hail Mary
and today, one year after firing or suspending dozens
of White House staffers for past marijuana use,
well, Biden announced a widespread pardon
to anybody convicted of marijuana possession
on the federal level.
-Well, it starts with marijuana,
but where does it go from there?
-I think it's so cynical because the question
of the impact of drugs on our kids
and our societies is immense.
-Now, I want to describe the left's midterm agenda
very simply. You ready?
This is what they're going to give you more of,
if you elect them --
abortion, pot, porn,
and more January 6th hearings.
-Man, sounds awesome.
Just add in a bowling alley/ Chinese restaurant.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Feel like that's a great night out.
It's so funny, how right-wing pundits always have this way
of making Democrats sound better than they actually are.
Also, where did the porn thing come from?
[ Laughter ] Did they just
throw that in there without any good reason?
Is there some secret pro-porn legislation proposed
by Chuck Schumer that I'm not aware of?
[ Laughter ] Because he definitely lowers his glasses
like a guy who's seeing porn for the very first time.
[ Laughter ]
[ As Schumer ] Yowza, that is
some pretty steamy stuff.
[ Laughter ] Also,
check out this graphic
Sean Hannity put up on the screen.
Why does Fox keep accidentally making Joe Biden look cooler
than he actually is with their graphics?
[ Laughter ] I mean, last week, Tucker Carlson
aired this badass graphic
[ Laughter and applause ] of Biden eating ice cream
in front of a burning building and now, Hannity airs this.
This looks like something you'd have up on the wall
in your college dorm room.
[ Laughter and applause ]
So, with the midterms looming, Republicans and Democrats
have clearly settled on different strategies.
Biden's trying to appeal to voters
with policies that are overwhelmingly popular in polls,
like reforming marijuana laws;
while Republicans embrace Donald Trump,
even as he rants about bowling alleys
and Chinese restaurants, like a guy who's on...
-Heroin and LSD.
[ Laughter ]
-This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪
The midterm elections are coming up, so,
to make sure that you're good to vote in this election,
visit our good friends at headcount.org
to check your voter registration status or to register to vote.