♪ Zack Morris is trash ♪ (school bell rings)
- [Narrator] Zack Morris made Tori late
to the class ring meeting to feel her up.
Belding opens the floor for suggestions.
Ox has a good one, Zack insults him.
- That actually makes sense.
Did you have brain surgery over the weekend?
- [Narrator] Then, volunteers to be in charge
of procuring the rings, promising he'll get a great deal.
Tori, confused why Lisa is so mean to Screech,
wants to see a movie with him
to show he's really not that bad.
Zack's using his ring role to rip off students.
Tori interrupts,
Zack tries to hustle her.
- Don't worry, you're my girlfriend.
You'll get a great discount.
- No, moron.
Tori's checking if it's all right
to see a movie with Screech, Zack laughs,
as he does take Screech seriously.
Then, goes back to scamming.
Screech agrees to the movie date after checking
if Zack's cool with it, what a friend.
Tori and Screech are having a nice time.
Zack hawks over them.
Tori reacts to Screech's spicy popcorn.
Zack delights in her apparent discomfort,
but even when Screech pulls out his pet rodent,
Tori keeps her composure.
Hey, where are Zack's rings coming from?
This slime ball, Slater is shocked.
He is so clearly a slime ball. - Trust me!
- [Narrator] I do not feel better.
- I'm Zack Morris, you must be Mr. Diamond?
- [Narrator] Mr. Diamond?
You'd have to be a real dumb dumb to trust this guy.
Zack trusts this guy and is dazzled by a briefcase
of spring loaded dismembered hands
draped in costume jewelry.
Mr. Diamond pulls the oldest hustle.
- Oh, oh, oh.
You don't want this one. - But Zack says it looks good.
That's the problem, it's so good,
he loses money every time he sells it.
This con makes no sense. - That's the one I want.
- [Narrator] Zack threatens to walk
when Mr. Diamond quotes him a price
that he then rotates to give him a bargain.
Zack sees nothing suspicious about this sales pitch
and pricing structure, then cuts a side deal.
- I want my ring for free.
- [Narrator] Zack proclaims he bested
that greasy shade master.
Screech, perpetually told by Zack to be someone else,
is in love with Tori, who accepts him as is.
Tori tries to let him down gently, but Screech,
who has been through Zack's bullshit romance hurricane
too many times to count vows to try and make it work.
Zack struts in with 300 rings that grifter
cranked out over night.
Slater is skeptical of their quality.
Zack, instead of checking on how Tori's doing,
goofs on her entanglement with Screech.
Then, makes her beg for his help.
Zack lays a guilt trap.
He has Slater tell Screech Zack's depressed about Tori.
Screech asks how he can help because he cares about Zack.
Zack says stop seeing Tori,
but Screech, so close to graduation,
is done putting Zack's happiness above his own.
Screech gives Tori his ring to show his affection.
Zack gives her the news his latest shitty plan failed.
Lisa is enraged, Zack's gold ring left a green stain.
Zack doesn't understand
because he is stupid.
Lisa explains he got hoodwinked.
Is it just Lisa's ring?
Nope, it's every ring.
Zack calls his buddy, who becomes hostile
as Zack whine-accuses him of ripping off his whole class
because that was Zack's plan.
He gets laughed at and hung up on.
Zack, who just lost $20,000 on phony rings,
is running out of options to escape the consequences
of his atrocious judgment.
Suddenly, Zack gets a great idea.
He needs Tori to manipulate Screech
and get him fired up.
Tori shows Screech her green mark
and infuriates him by saying this symbol of their love
is a fraud and he needs to teach Mr. Diamond a lesson.
Zack calls Mr. Diamond to say he likes his style
and wants to be his sleazy sidekick
slinging students fake stones.
And Slater, he's the muscle.
Enter Screech, who is ready to defend Tori's honor
with his own life, Zach and Slater take turns
trying to stop him and pretending to get knocked out.
Screech, falsely thinking he can fight,
demands real rings, which thank god works,
because the kind of guy who steals $20,000 from minors
probably carries a weapon and isn't afraid to use it.
Zack got the rings, including a freebie for himself,
and got Screech the attention of girls who like him
for who he is not and will certainly push him
to get in fights he'll lose.
Let's review, Zack Morris offered to buy rings
for his classmates just to rip them off.
Then, Zack got ripped off by a clear-as-day con man
and was too dull to understand it happened,
even as it was being explained to him.
After losing nearly $20,000 on counterfeit jewelry,
made his girlfriend exploit his best friend
to attack the man who robbed him,
a thief who fortunately did not fight back,
as he would've been well within his rights
to fight for his life in self defense,
and left Screech with a reputation he cannot live up to
and will get him beat up.
Zack Morris is trash. ♪ Zack Morris is trash ♪
(school bell rings)
(dramatic music) (squeaking)