- I just always got all my skincare
from my like the females in my life.
- I have a great salt scrub for you.
You should get over here.
- Well...
(fast paced techno music)
- On this episode of Spectrum
we wanted to explore the topic of masculinity.
In the last couple of years
there's been intense scrutiny on masculinity in America.
We travel to Chicago and partner with Gillette
and Walgreens to bring together a group of men,
including NFL star, first round pick,
and former Chicago Bears football player, Kyle Long,
to demonstrate that men can open up and tackle
questions on topics ranging from gender roles
in society, showing emotion, beauty, and even skincare.
Our objective was to have an honest conversation
about what it means to be a man today.
This is Spectrum.
Enjoy the episode.
- [Instructor] I believe sports are more masculine
than the arts.
Three, two, one. (all laughing)
Three, two, one, go.
- All right.
- What's happening?
- It was natural.
(all laughing)
- Oh, my God.
- Well now I'm curious.
- Yeah, I'm just really curious.
- How am I disagreeing with the professional
NFL player on the sports-
- Because some of the most quote unquote manly men
in my life are musicians, actors.
People that I relied on as an image of masculinity.
So, to say that the arts are less masculine
than sports, for me, doesn't make sense.
- My mom's a cheerleading coach.
I think cheerleading is a sport.
I argue with her-
I'll never let her know I think cheerleading is a sport
'cause I think it's fun to argue with her.
(all laughing)
But like there's a certain amount of masculinity like-
- Tell her to - To do all those.
- never watch this video. - Right.
To do the back flips and like to push the girls up an air.
So, I feel like there is more masculinity
that's ascribed to just sports like
than there is to more of the arts.
So, that's why I somewhat agree.
- If you put blood, sweat, and tears into something
that's kind of what creates your character.
Losing, getting knocked down, getting back up.
I mean, learning those kinda principles at
such a young age, I think that's kind of
what helps create a sense of strength that kinda helps
carry you into a certain sense of masculinity,
of manhood as you get older.
- So, I'm an actor.
One of my recent roles was Donkey in Shrek The Musical.
- [Sean] You're an actor. - There was blood.
- [Sean] Mhm, yeah. - There was God awful sweat
- because the costume.
- And then the crying.
- Yeah, oh, there was crying. (all laughing)
There was crying.
- Talking about the physical aspect, and I really agree
that there's physical on arts and in sports,
but then there's that mental aspect you talked
about like failure, getting back up.
Like even before you got that Donkey role,
how many people had to get the audition for that role?
- Definitely, the arts
can be right up with there with sports.
- Sports are an art, too, so.
- [Erik] Absolutely. - There you go.
- One of the major things
that has impacted me would be my father and how he
viewed like film industry theater
because it was something that was able to
connect to the human experience
and it was more personal and more emotional.
- [Instructor] Locker room talk is part of being a man.
Three, two, one, go.
- I'll start it off.
- 'Cause I spend a lot of time - Gonna ruin a
- in a locker room. - pro football player.
(all laughing)
- You know, this phrase "locker room talk" has taken
on a life of itself, obviously, in the past year.
It's been a hot button issue
and it has changed since I was a six year old
and I said my first swear word
and my mom and dad said, "Kyle, that's locker room talk."
- But I also think about locker room talk as like
sexual in nature, too.
Someone is gonna say it to you.
- [Kyle] Mm.
- Someone's gonna initiate your locker room talk.
- I mean, I think growing up playing sports and all that,
I think it has found its own way
with this new locker room talk as of 2016.
And I think that's kinda switched to
this weird sexual harassment.
- I think by the nature of the question though,
them asking us this, it is the people
that are crossing that line that we're talking about.
Is that part of it.
Belittling women, not even if you're belittling women,
but you're objectifying them.
You're being cruel, but you're like,
"Ah, come on, I'm just joking around, it's a locker room."
No, man.
That's not what makes you a man.
That's not something that should be part of that.
- I think men's main role in this situation is
stepping forward, setting boundaries and still having fun
within the framework of those boundaries
and respecting one another.
- As a black man, I looked at it as like barbershop talk.
- Yeah. - More so.
And I just feel like it's just being a safe space
for men to be able to get those ideas out.
So, like if it's something that's-
like you find it extremely offensive
in the confines of that safe space,
I could say it, you could say, "Hey, this is why
I think it's offensive."
And I could say, "Oh, I never thought about it like that."
Without having to take that out into the world.
Realistically, out in world, I don't think men have the
opportunity to express feelings and things like that
like they can in the locker room.
Like I'm sure there's just locker rooms where you've cried,
where you were able to have other men confront you
and say, "Okay, so, it's okay to cry in this
- Situation." - Same guys who make fun of
- you are the same guys who - [CJ] Yeah, same way, yeah.
- Console you and that's what's important.
- So, it's that safe space.
There are a lot of men out there
that can operate rationally.
Not everything is like about sex with us.
You know what I'm saying?
So, I'm a Christian.
My father's a pastor.
To me being a man is about taking responsibility and
accountability.
- [Instructor] Men should be the head of the household.
Three, two,
one,
go.
- My grandpa was a Colonel in the Vietnam War
fighting for the country of Laos.
And if anyone needed a tank, they would talk to him.
Anyone needed anything, he was the head logistics commander.
And then my dad, he was like the head of a gang.
So, he kind of demanded respect and
became the head of everything.
And in turn, both of them were heads of our household.
I feel like I have to be able to be the head
of the household and have people rely on me when needed.
- I just feel like when it comes time for deference
most of the time women prefer to defer to
male or men leadership.
And my dad was a primary bread winner
and then my dad got laid off.
Automatically, my mom became a bread winner
and they just switched those roles.
But like when it came time for decisions and stuff
like that, she still deferred to him most of the time.
And it's like we didn't miss a beat as a family.
And I feel like that's what she wanted.
I feel like that's what most women want from their men.
It's better for the men to be in that position.
I don't feel like a woman can't be in that position.
- Yeah, I'm gonna build on what you're talking about CJ
because I feel like each one of us has a unique
set of circumstances.
And in your case, your dad was really smart
in terms of his decisions.
That's why your mom probably relied on him for that stuff.
And that's not to take anything away from her.
But I'm over here on the disagree side
because the question was: Should a man be the head
of the household?
Verbatim, correct?
- [Instructor] Yep.
- Now my response to that is, no,
there is no rules for who's the head of the household.
- What I make of it. - So, I disagree
with the comment.
I think men can be, but it's 2020.
And if I were to tell you that I'm the head
of my household, I'd be lying to you.
- I think there's a leader within each one of us.
I don't think it has to do
with whether you're a man or a woman.
I know in my household, there are times that my wife leads.
There's times I lead.
We talk about leading up, leading down.
We even let our daughter leads sometimes.
My role as a man and a father in my daughter's life
is to
be the example
and to be just supportive and accepting and loving.
And I want her to see by example that I'm always
striving to be the best human being I can be.
That's really what my role is.
And
she's the greatest joy in my life.
- [Instructor] I have discussed skincare with other men.
Three, two, one, go.
(suspenseful ringing)
- Any? - I have a great salt scrub
for you, you should get over here.
(all laughing) - Well,
I just always got all my skincare opinions
from my like the females in my life.
I don't know, I just didn't wanna feel like
I was any less of a man.
So, I didn't wanna talk to other men.
- As we all get older, our skin starts to look
like that bag that's been left out in the sun too long.
And that's why skincare recently has become a thing for me.
- I've talked about it a bunch with guys.
That's how I find out about like beard oil.
It wasn't my wife that said you need it.
It was my buddy with a beard that said, "Hey,
beard Oil's awesome."
I can think of a couple of friends that
we talk about it pretty regularly.
One of the guys was concerned about skin cancer.
And if he wasn't talking to the guys about it,
like, "Hey, what do you do?"
He might not have felt comfortable talking
to a woman about it.
So, we just cracked that open.
We just talk about this stuff.
- What did you talk to the NFL player about?
You know, just skincare.
- I'll be the first to do this, but yeah.
(all laughing)
- I strongly agree. - [Sean] Dammit, I was say...
- I think it's important to take pride in yourself and
have self discipline.
It all falls under discipline for me.
- I'd actually branch off that, too.
'Cause I view it as loving yourself.
It doesn't have to be
you take four hours to be able to make yourself
look good and presentable, to be able to walk out the door.
It'll provide confidence for you to be able to
do whatever you want in the world.
- I feel like this is one of those conversations
that happens during locker room talks.
So, it may not be like,
I'm sure some of the people are gonna be surprised like,
"Oh, all these guys talk about skincare?"
But like those are the conversations that you have
in those locker room talk situations.
- Yeah, I think it's important you talk to guys
about skincare.
Maybe you live in Chicago.
I mean, I'm a serious white boy.
I think it's important to when you're dealing
with elements, it's cold, it's freaking rough.
I mean, we're in construction.
It's a lot of nasty stuff out there.
So, yeah.
I'm fourth generation
Bricklayers and Allied Craftworkers Unions.
My dad, my grandpa, my great grandpa were all union
representatives and it's everything my family stands
for, believes in and is still fighting for.
I think for me being a man is standing up for people,
standing up for what you believe in.
- [Instructor] I meet my father's expectations
for what it means to be a man.
Three, two, one, go.
- I'm gonna sulk myself over here now, guys.
Never made it.
This is a high bar.
I am constantly still striving, but my father has
different standards than me.
And
I'm proud of who I am, but there's a small part of me
that's just like, I wish I could hit that bar.
But it's also a part of me that's like,
there are some parts of that bar that
I'm not gonna touch.
- Expectations, as we all know within the family,
can be very tough.
And I know you've alluded to this a few times today
and I feel for you.
I really do, like in my heart, I wanna give you
a huge hug because
I have a dad who has-
Whether he knows he's putting them on me or not,
there's unrealistic expectations.
The name on the back of my jersey, we share.
The number I chose to wear was the same that he wore.
Profession, the same.
I will never be my dad because he was
a world beater in his field.
But I also, in the journey striving for his acceptance,
I found myself proud of who I am.
And
that is being a man.
- [Erik] Yeah.
- And being your own man.
And like I really hope we can find you-
If we have this conversation again, I really hope
that we can have you at least on the somewhat
because I struggle with that, too.
And it's a real thing.
- I can't think
of any time in my life when my dad has ever said
he's been disappointed in me.
It's been nothing but encouragement.
He always, he asks for my help on things now.
So, like he's always telling other people how
he's proud of me.
Like, "Yeah, I ran to your dad.
He was telling me everything about you."
So, and I know like it's like a lot of people like
don't even have their fathers in their life.
So, like I appreciate it that much more.
- I love that you guys all have that.
Talking about what negative consequences we have
as men for holding it in
and for not being able to voice our emotions.
I think that I-
My dad passed away 'cause he took his own life
because he didn't express emotion.
It wasn't in his definition of being a man.
And so because of that he bottled everything up
to the point where I didn't know what was going on
and I was the closest individual to him.
And at that point it's just mentally and physically,
mentally, emotionally, not stable.
And it destroys a person, no matter how manly of men.
It will destroy you from the inside.
One of the few things I remember before he passed,
he said to me, "I can't believe I'm such a tiger
and I have a son and turns out to be a kitten."
And they're just demoralizing words that my dad would say,
and those things just stick with me.
So, I would never put myself across that line.
But I will always work to get to somewhat disagree, so that
I can feel that I got to as close as I can to his bar.
- That's a shame, man, because you're standing here
and you're saying your words and you're standing up to it.
- You're a man, dude.
- You're a man, you should be over here.
- Man, I see you as a tiger. - Yeah.
- Don't let that-
You can use my dad if you want.
(all laughing)
- I am the son of the oldest child
and the only son of the oldest child.
So, that kind of just makes a lineage
that I have to follow
and that person disappearing drops
weight on my shoulders.
All eyes are on me now, I take the center stage
and that made me feel like I have to be a man.
I never really had the chance to be vocal about my dad.
I felt safe enough to talk about it.
And it was one of the first times that
all these emotions that I've bottled up
have finally come to light.
- [Instructor] I would tackle Kyle Long for $1,000,000.
Three, two, one, go.
(all laughing)
- Let's go.
- Come and get it, boys. - I will, challenge accepted.
- Oh, okay.
- [Instructor] Okay, get out now.
(all laughing) - Come here.
- Thank you, guys.
- Group hug.
- This is it, it's okay. - Get in here, guys.
Come here.
Come on, we're forcing the group hug.
(all laughing excitedly)
Come on, good work.
- I'm proud to be a man because
of who we are right now.
Evolving our thinking, of becoming more sensitive to others.
- My experience today was one in
which I gained a lot of understanding
and respect for specifically the men that were in here.
We talked about tough topics.
We were honest.
We weren't afraid to call each other out.
And I think respect was the overlying theme.
For me, being a man is about knowing who I am,
treating others well,
and trying to follow those things every day.
Being able to talk skincare is something that's important.
It's important to take pride in yourself.
I feel like a man knows who he is
and is able to make others feel good about who they are.
(upbeat pop music)