A video of political commentator Steven Crowder gaslighting his wife Hillary has gone viral
on Twitter.
I'm going to point out all the manipulative red flags, but most importantly, I will also
address BOTH sides of the story.
- The only way out of this is discipline and respect.
- But Steven...
Steven, your abuse is sick.
- Watch it...
Watch it...
F*** watch it.
This video is going to be divided in two parts.
First, I'm going to analyze what can we see and hear from both Crowder and his Wife.
And then, in the second part, I'm going to lay out all the circumstances surrounding
this encounter, including her pregnancy and his health conditions.
By the end of this video you will learn to spot these red flags, no matter if they come
from men or women, and also have a better idea of what was going on with this couple
so you can come to the best informed conclusion regarding this behavior.
Hello and welcome back, my body language buddies!
my name is Jesús Enrique Rosas, I'm the Body Language Guy,
And perhaps the first red flag that caught my attention was when he implies the consequences
of 'refusing to do wifely things':
- No, you just did.
You just did it.
I drew a boundary at abusive and cruel.
- Because that is abusive.
- You are not taking the car.
Because if you refuse to do wifely things, then I will go pick up the groceries.
He is implying that picking up the groceries is a 'wifely thing', when picking up the groceries
is not something that requires a label.
But manipulators love to label people.
In this case, the condescending tone, which is prevalent over the whole exchange is another
red flag of gaslighting.
But what about having just one car?
- No, you're not taking the car.
- Steven...
- You are not.
- Then I will ask someone to pick me up.
Who would you like me to ask?
- What, is that a threat?
- It's not a threat, Steven.
- Get an Uber - Ok, Steven, I can't
Yeah, it's odd that Crowder, having that kind of money, has only one car.
But now that I think of it, it sets up perfectly his self victimization if she dares to take
it:
- You wanna walk out right now?
Listen to me.
I can't go to the gym.
I can't go to my parents'.
I can't call my friends.
I can't.
I can't be home.
You're gonna take the car and leave me here?
Hilary, Just think of how boxed in you've made me!
Yes, he makes her feel guilty.
"think of how boxed in you've made me"
And I'm sure you noticed that she said "I will ask someone to pick me up.
Who would you like me to ask?"
Yeah, it could be a bit of sarcasme, but it's also something that someone who is used to
be controlled would say.
And when we talk about control, when a manipulator has reached a certain level of control over
their victims, they can allow themselves to say things like these:
- The only way out of this is discipline and respect.
It's the only way out of it when we are at an impasse.
- We are at an impasse.
- Good.
Because you can't have any discipline and respect.
See?
If you don't do as I say, you're lacking discipline and respect.
You are the problem in this relationship.
Manipulators have this amazing ability to turn the blame on you.
And if you complain, this is what happens:
- Yeah, there you go.
You throw your hat.
You give up so easily.
- I don't give up - You give up so easily.
I said the only way out of this is discipline and respect.
You said we're at an impasse.
- Steven, no.
We ARE at an impasse, OK?
If you don't show discipline and respect, then I quote, "You throw your hat.
You give up so easily".
Again, he's blaming her for the situation.
And the situation escalates to a literal threat.
- I love you, but Steven...
Steven, your abuse is sick.
- Watch it.
- Sick.
- Watch it...
F*** watch it
Toxic personalities don't like to be called out on their behavior.
Typically, this is when things can get physical.
Luckily, this was not the case, as far as we know.
So, if you go just a bit off the rails, they are going to hurt you.
Watch this exchange:
- I'm gonna let it go, I'm gonna go and get what you need me to get.
And I need some space.
I love you, I love you very much.
- I don't love you, that's the big problem.
I've never received love from you.
He says, quite literally, "I don't love you, I've never received love from you".
This is a combination of hurting and guilt tripping at the same time.
Saying to their faces that whatever they have done so far, it has not been enough.
Then he starts mocking her:
- And the fact is, when I go look, I need you to do A, B, C, and D you just need to
be disciplined about it, you go?
No!
(mocking) 'But I love you more than life itself', OK.
Put on some gloves.
NO. 'but I love you more than life itself'.
That's not fair.
That's not fair and it's disingenuous.
He was talking about gloves because their dogs were taking medications that are potentially
harmful for pregnant women just on contact, something that I have a hard time understanding
how a man forces his wife to risk his own unborn children like that.
Crowder also has the money to hire one nanny for EACH dog, so why doesn't he do that?
Again, mocking her, mocking her answers and using her words, that she loves him, against
her, is a classic form of gaslighting.
He goes as far as to say that it's not fair FOR HIM.
And of course, forcing her to do something potentially harmful for their unborn children
is another form of control.
A very sick form of control, because there is absolutely no need for her to do that.
In fact, later in the video, he doubles down on that guilt tripping:
- Are you going to put on some gloves.
Are you committed enough to do those things?
(...) You're not committed to anything.
You just said 'I love you'...
The guilt tripping is another technique to put you in a situation of 'damned if you do,
damned if you don't'.
If you say you're committed to a relationship, they will guilt trip you into doing something
nonsensical that could harm you, or your children.
And we got more condescending tone:
- Hilary, you're right.
We're at an impasse.
Become someone.
Listen to me, day in and day out.
Worthy, a wife worthy.
It's not just the condescending tone, but also he is implying that she is not worthy.
Or she is worthless, in other words.
He said it himself.
And that is exactly how a manipulator wants his victim to feel.
Worthless.
Because in the long run, that's how they become emotional slaves.
Now, I'm sure there are going to be many fans of Steven Crowder watching this video, so
I want to set the record straight and talk about the circumstances of what was going
on with their lives, especially Crowder's health surrounding this situation.
But I want to make this absolutely clear: I don't condone gaslighting, or manipulation,
or mistreating, coming from either men or women.
That is simply unacceptable and nobody has to put up with that.
If you're experiencing these kind of red flags, the best you can do is to figure out who is
the real person you fell in love with.
But let's talk about Crowder's health at that moment.
The timestamp marks June 2021, so Hilary was almost eight months pregnant.
But at the same time, Crowder was about to get corrective surgery for pectum excavatum,
which is a condition in which the sternum is bent inwards into the chest cavity and
can give you both cardiovascular and respiratory problems.
Now, Crowder himself says in a video that this kind of surgery takes anywhere between
six and twelve weeks to recover, which for anyone who creates content on the internet,
is an eternity.
So he was going to take advantage of the couple weeks off he usually takes in the summer of
every year, for recovery.
#10
So that might be one of the reasons he decided to have this surgery so close to the end of
his wife's pregnancy.
But he would still be four weeks short of the bare minimum for a full recovery and to
come back to his day to day activities.
He even assured his fans that he had taped a few episodes in advance so he could upload
a few times during that period.
Now, you might be asking, OK, he was stressed about the whole situation, why didn't he just
take the time off?
Isn't he a Youtuber? he doesn't have any boss or anything!
But the fact is that youtubers at this level have sponsors and contracts that make it real
hard to just disappear for months.
In fact, for any content creator it would be stressful to disappear for a couple of
weeks.
Again, this does NOT justify Crowder's behavior to his wife, but I thought that it was relevant
to understand the circumstances of this case.
What happened next is that the stress of this situation, rushing things to come back and
keep pushing content, produced serious problems in his lungs.
But of course, ALL THIS was at least one month AFTER the video you just saw.
Again, I am not mentioning any of this to justify his behavior.
I'm just setting the record straight about the circumstances because I know some people
are going to jump straight to the comments and claim that this is normal behavior under
stress.
It is not.
My conclusion is that this is never the way to treat your spouse, regardless of what you
are going through.
And there is something that all men should have, which are resilience and stoicism.
And yes, we have to work them out, they don't come out of nowhere.
I'm not saying that one cannot feel stress, or frustration, or angst, or dread, for something
that's happening or about to happen.
But men must have the emotional maturity to understand our own situation and sublimate
it so we don't vent that frustration or fear on our loved ones.
In fact, men should be the emotional pillars of a house, no matter the circumstances.
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Much Love and Bliss.