STARRING ADAM SCHIFF. >> THE CROSS EXAMINER WITH A
MYSTERIOUS BRAIN INJURY, JIM JORDAN.
>> I GOT MY SLEEVES ROLLED UP. MY JOB IS YELLING AT A WOMAN.
>> THE FORMER AMBASSADOR TO UKRAINE, MARIE YOVANOVITCH.
>> WHY DID TRUMP COME AFTER ME? I COMMITTED THE ULTIMATE SIN.
I WAS GOOD AT MY JOB. AND JON HAMM AS COMEDIAN BILL
TAYLOR I DON'T JUST KISS AND TELL.
I TAKE NOTES. >> THIS IS DAYS OF OUR
IMPEACHMENT. >> AMBASSADOR, YOUR OPENING
STATEMENT? >> THANK YOU, CHAIRMAN SCHIFF.
IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME. >> IT IS.
>> OKAY, GREAT. I'M ONLY HERE TODAY BECAUSE I
WAS A TARGET OF A SMEAR CAMPAIGN BY PRESIDENT TRUMP AND RUDOLPH
GIULIANI THAT LEFT ME PUBLICLY HUMILIATED AND WITHOUT A JOB.
>> ENOUGH! ENOUGH!
THIS WITNESS IS CLEARLY HERE BECAUSE SHE LOVES ATTENTION.
>> OH, YEAH. I LOVE THE GLAMOR AND THE
SPOTLIGHT. THAT'S WHY I SPENT MY CAREER IN
UKRAINE AND SOMALIA. >> FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION
SOMALIA. BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT --
>> IS RIGHT BEHIND ME? IS THAT WHY YOU LOOK SO SHOCKED?
>> NO. THIS IS JUST HOW MY EYES LOOK.
THE PRESIDENT JUST SENT A TWEET LET THE RECORD SHOW THE WITNESS
IS INTIMIDATING A WITNESS. >> THEN WOULD YOU IMPEACH HIM?
>> WELL, WE WOULD HAVE TO LOOK AT THE FACTS BUT NO.
>> NOT SO FAST. ?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? >> UNLIKE THE PEOPLE IN THE
TRUMP ADMINISTRATION, I SHOW UP. AND I HAVE A BOMBSHELL
REVELATION. THERE WAS A SECOND PHONE CALL.
>> A SECOND PHONE CALL? >> THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU KNEW ABOUT THE FIRST CALL BUT NO ONE EXPECTED PHONE CALL
NUMBER TWO. >> DID SOMEONE SAY UNEXPECTED
NUMBER TWO? >> THAT'S RIGHT.
MERCURY IS IN RETRO GRADE SO MY POWERS ARE AT AN ALL TIME HIGH.
AND I HAVE AN INSURANCE POLICY IN CASE THE PRESIDENT TURNS
AGAINST ME. I'M GOING TO DIE IN A MYSTERIOUS
BOAT EXPLOSION. >> YOU'RE GOING TO FAKE YOUR OWN
DEATH. >> FAKE IT?
>> THE SHOW CRITICS ARE CALLING NECESSARY TO GET PEOPLE'S
ATTENTION, AND THE FIRST SOAP WHERE YOU CAN'T IMAGINE ANY OF
THE PEOPLE IN IT HAVING SEX. ♪♪♪
>> THE CHAIR NOW RECOGNIZES -- >> MITCH McCONNELL?
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC ] >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
AND THE SENATE HAS VOTED. ACQUITTED.
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC ] >> BUT THIS MATTER IS NOT EVEN
BEFORE THE SENATE YET. >> OH, SORRY.
SORRY FOR THE SPOILER. JUST TELL ME WHEN I'M SUPPOSED
TO SAY IT. ACQUITTED.
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC ] >> NOT SO FAST.
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC ] >> YOU'RE FACING AROUND IN THE
WRONG DIRECTION. >> OH, WHERE?
NOT SO FAST. [ DRAMATIC MUSIC ]
>> YOU HAD A NEW REVELATION, TOO?
>> NO. I MEANT, NOT SO FAST LIKE, DON'T
TALK SO FAST. I'M HAVING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING
WHAT'S HAPPENING. NORMALLY I WATCH FOX NEWS IN
SLOW MOTION WITH THE SOUND TURNED UP TO 100.
♪♪♪ >> A RIDICULOUS MELODRAMA THAT
SOMEHOW LESS CRAZY THAN WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING IN OUR
GOVERNMENT. >> GORDON SONDLAND TOLD ME THERE
WAS WITHHOLDING AID. I TOLD HIM THAT WAS BANANAS.
>> NOT SO FAST. >> AMBASSADOR GORDON SONDLAND?
>> THAT'S RIGHT. I'M PART OF THIS, TOO.
AND I KNOW THAT I SAID IN EARLIER TESTIMONY THAT THERE WAS
NO QUID PRO QUO. BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I HAD
AMNESIA. MY AMNESIA IS FINE AGAIN AND I
REMEMBER, THERE WAS A QUID PRO QUO.
>> OH! >> NOT SO FAST.
MICHAEL AVENATTI? >> THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M THAT NAME YOU JUST SAID. >> I HAVE A BOMBSHELL THAT WILL
CHANGE EVERYTHING. THE PRESIDENT HAD AN AFFAIR.
>> WE KNOW. >> YOU DO?
>> THAT STORY IS FROM LIKE LAST SEASON.
>> OH, VERY WELL. THEN MAYBE THIS WAS IT.
THE AFFAIR WAS WITH A PORN STAR. >> YES, WE KNOW.
NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE. >> OH, REALLY?
OH $FINE, I'LL GO. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME.
>> WHO AM I PLAYING AGAIN? >> MICHAEL AVENATTI.
>> MICHAEL AVOCADO. >> AND FEATURING THE TELEINVOLVA
SENSATION, ALEXANDRIA OCASIO CORTEZ.
>> THIS HEARING IS LACKING ONE THING.
A STAR. THAT IS WHY YOU NEED ALEXANDRIA
OCASIO CORTEZ. >> ALEXANDRIA.
I DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE YOU HERE. >> AND I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO BE
SUCH A LOW KEY DADDY. >> NOW, IT'S MINE.
OKAY. >> WHAT?
CHAIRMAN? I OBJECT.
>> I'LL ALLOW IT. >> ENOUGH!
>> WAIT. THE GUY WITH THE HELMET?
>> I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH. I AM TIRED OF BEING FALSELY
ACCUSED. YOU SEE, WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS,
I SAW ANOTHER PLAYER WHO HAD LOST HIS HELMET SOMEHOW AND I
THOUGHT, OH, HE SHOULD BE WEARING A HELMET.
SO I ATTEMPTED TO PUT IT BACK ON HIS HEAD.
>> YOU ARE NOT ON TRIAL HERE. >> OH, I KNOW.
PRESIDENT TRUMP PARDONED ME, TOO.
HE SAID I COULD BRING A HELMET TO AFGHANISTAN AND GO NUTS.
>> NOT SO FAST. >> IT'S RUDY GIULIANI'S TWIN.
>> NO, JUST REGULAR RUDY. I TRIED TO DO THAT THING WHERE
YOU HOLD UP A MAGNIFYING GLASS AND SAY I'M GOING TO LOOK INTO
THAT BUT INSTEAD I GRABBED A HAMMER.
NOT MY BEST DAY. NOT MY WORST.
>> IT'S REALLY OKAY. >> I THINK HE MIGHT HAVE FIXED
ME. BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO TUNE IN NEXT
TIME ON -- LIVE FROM NEW YORK! IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!