Hey, there.
Do you want to know what you should stop saying
to narcissists right now?
Stay tuned and I'm going to tell you.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung and I've been recognized
as a top attorney.
I've written a couple of bestselling books.
And, what I do here on this channel
is I help you negotiate with narcissists.
If you have to deal with them, if you have to manage them,
if you have to have conversations with them,
if they are in your space
and you want to know
how to get them the heck out or how to control them,
or how to direct outcomes
or become unstoppable and powerful,
then that's what I do here for you on this channel.
So, go ahead and hit subscribe,
and hit that notification bell.
All right, so let's talk about
talking to narcissists.
I mean, communicating with narcissists can be
so confusing and so
frustrating,
and that's really at best.
At worst, they're like literally traumatizing and abusive,
and they use this manipulative code
to try to confuse you
and try to start making you think that you're crazy,
and there's lots and lots of terms for it,
gas lighting,
word salad, projection, deflection, denial
all of those kinds of things,
because they're trying to protect this fragile little self
that they have inside.
And a lot of people are like,
"Oh man, I don't see that at all
because it just seems like they are
so powerful and strong and confident all the time."
But, that's what they want you to believe.
They want you to think that that's what's going on.
But what's really going on is that they are really scared.
I mean, that's the big scam that they have going on,
and you know, that you are actually the more powerful one.
You are actually the one that they're afraid of
and they don't want you to know that.
So, they construct this whole thing
to make it look like
they are the powerful one and you're not.
I always think back to the Wizard of Oz,
because to me, the Wizard of Oz is such a perfect analogy
of what's going on with being a narcissist, right?
I mean how this guy constructed this huge thing,
and Emerald City, and Oz;
and you go see him and it's the great and powerful oz
and everybody's scared and running away,
and
they're going to this person to try to
get home or find their brain or find their heart
or find their courage, all those things.
And they pull back the curtain,
and it's this feeble old little man
who's scared and whatever.
And, they find out that they actually had all those things
to begin with but they didn't believe that they did.
And, there was the wicked witch there
with the flying monkeys.
It was like the whole thing, right?
So, it's very much like what it is to deal with narcissists.
And by the way,
if you want to know more about flying monkeys,
definitely check out my video on that topic.
I have a whole bunch of videos on a kind of narcissism 101,
so definitely check out those videos
if you're not familiar with some of these terms.
So, anyway, when you're trying to talk to narcissists,
you gotta remember that
because they're not reasonable people,
they are narcissists.
They're for themselves.
They can't see the world the way reasonable people do.
They're not even incentivized by that.
They're only incentivized by narcissistic supply.
They're not incentivized by
having a reasonable person conversation
and trying to come to a resolution,
and trying to find some common ground.
That's not what they're incentivized by.
They are motivated and incentivized
by grasping as much narcissistic supply
as they possibly can.
And by the way,
that's something that I also have a video on,
but they're basically vampires
trying to
suck as much
supply out of you.
You know, they literally suck the blood out of you,
the energy out of you,
you feel like completely depleted.
And by the way,
if you think that they are such vampires
and you've experienced that,
Okay, so let's talk about this things
that you should stop saying to them right now.
One of the things you should stop saying to them is
You can talk until you're blue in the face
and that ain't going to happen.
Even if they see that they lied or that they got caught,
or they did something wrong,
or they didn't do something that they were supposed to do,
or whatever it is,
they're certainly not going to admit it to you.
I mean, they're going to project, deflect,
deny, all of the things that they need to do
in order to what they think is survive.
So, don't try to make them see the error of their ways.
It's not going to happen.
The next thing you should stop saying right now is
or how you're being impacted or what's going on with you.
They don't care about that.
They honestly just don't.
I mean, it's like noise.
It's like the Charlie Brown, blah, blah, blah.
I mean, that's what's going on there.
I mean, they might hear it,
and they'll be like future faking right after that.
You know, like,
"Oh,
okay, well, let's just get over it.
Let's just move past it.
From now on, it's going to be different.
You'll see, I'll change.
It'll be different, whatever it is."
But they're not going to really acknowledge your feelings.
They're not going to really go,
"Oh my God, I really hurt you.
I can't believe I did that."
Even if they apologize,
the apology is usually a manipulation.
I have a whole video on what a narcissist means
when they say they're sorry, by the way, too.
So, definitely check that out.
So,
you know, just stay away from anything
attempting to get them to see how you feel.
All right?
That's not going to serve you at all.
Put your energy elsewhere.
And the next thing that I want you to avoid saying to them is
And, especially in writing.
Remember that
anything you say
in writing,
anything you put your hand to,
whether it's a text, an email, a note,
something on social media,
anything you put your hand to
is a potential trial exhibit.
So, if you don't want to see it again, don't write it.
Don't hit send, don't hit post,
whatever you need to do to stop yourself
because remember with narcissists,
anything you say or do
will eventually be used against you.
So, definitely, don't get down into the mud with them.
If they call you names,
don't call them worst names back.
Don't allow them to suck you
into that vortex of toxicity,
all right?
So, that's number three.
Number four
is anything
You know, don't say things like,
"You make me feel", or
"Because of you, I'm this way."
And the reason why I want you to stop that right now
is because that puts you into victim mode,
and you can't be a victim
and a victor
at the same time,
you gotta choose one.
Those are two completely different states of mind.
And so, if you are going to turn this around,
or when you will turn this around,
when you take back your power,
you will no longer be saying anything
that gives them that power.
You know, you just have to say to yourself,
"You know what,
I made a choice to be in a relationship with this person,
and this person is, you know, has issues.
This is a potentially very broken person."
Or whatever it is that you want to say
about that narcissist in your life,
and start to take yourself out of that equation
and realize that they are who they are.
And you are who you are.
And you are a victor,
and you are a powerful person.
So, don't say anything that's going to
have you be giving away your power.
Watch your words,
your words matter.
I always loved the fact that in the Bible,
the very first words were
"In the beginning, there was the word and the word was God".
Be really careful about the words
that you say to yourself too,
okay?
So, that's number four.
And, the last thing I want you
to not say to narcissists ever is just
when you're negotiating with them.
You gotta find a way to kind of say,
"Well, okay, considering that that's what you want."
or "I agree that that's what you want.",
"I agree that that's your position."
You know, you can say things like
when you're agreeing with them,
that you're not even necessarily agreeing with them
but they think that you are.
They hear the words I agree.
If you say straight up no,
then they're going to dig their heels in,
and that gives them narcissistic supply,
and you don't get anywhere.
You don't get where you want to go.
So, those are the five things
that I would say never to say to narcissists.
So, stop saying those phrases right now,
and
it will help you
get more of where you want to go,
and start driving your own outcomes
and driving your own results, okay?
So, if you are getting ready to negotiate with narcissists
or with anyone,
make sure to grab my free
"Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet".
It is 15 pages.
It's an ebook,
totally free.
All you have to do is go to
to grab it.
And, if you want to join my free private Facebook group,
you are very welcome to do that too,
Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
I'd love to see you in there.
If you liked this video,
give it a like, give it a share,
drop me that comment.
Let me know that you were here.
Let me know that you think that they're vampires
or whatever your experience have been.
Do you have other phrases
and things that you think
you should definitely never say to narcissists?
Drop me that comment below as well.
And just remember,
that you should never give in, you should never give up.
Wherever you are now is the jumping off point
to get where you want to go.
It's never too late to turn it around.
So, starting today,
I want you to start negotiating your best life
and I will see you in the next video.