We had two weeks to spend traveling Thailand. She likes sugar and spice and everything nice.
I liked snakes, snails and puppy-dog tails. She was seeking crystal-clear waters and beautiful resorts on Private beaches.
I was there to rough it in the jungles and see the wildlife, the elephants, the monkeys and lizards and snakes!
We were both there for the food, to spend as little money as possible and to avoid these guys at all costs.
This is our quest for the perfect dream vacation in Thailand
first Stop, Khao Sok.
We're boating with a small group to our isolated floating bungalows for a night. our tour guide reassured us
it's about A 45-minute boat ride... if the
Engine doesn't break. About a nine-hour paddle... if we don't lose our paddles. And about a 12 hour swim. Our guide
Kui also admitted to me that he wears sunglasses so that his group won't notice if he falls asleep during the tour.
The beauty of this place is unlike anything I've ever seen. Like something out of the movie Avatar.
Incredible white Limestone cliffs dripping with stalactites into fresh
bluegreen water. It's hard to imagine these mountains were made by tiny animals
Millions of years ago. And with our trusty captain leading the way, we arrived safely at our bungalow.
You can choose between several different bungalow styles ranging from primitive,
consisting of a bed and four Bamboo walls, to modern consisting of a bed and four plywood walls.
Baby, have you seen my flop? I can only find my flip.
We chose the modern bungalows only because we booked this last minute during the high season and it was the best deal.
The bungalows are extremely relaxing and will rock you to sleep.
There were no mosquitoes to distract you from the strange noises coming from the jungle
But we did find THIS in a nearby cave. Look what Hank found!
Several optional tours leave throughout the day to other bungalows, jungle treks and other scenic parts of the Lake. Or,
you can just kick back and Kayak or swim or ponder or
Dangle your feet and observe the latest male swimsuit fashions from Germany.
(Speaking German) Hello, Inez. Schon Dass ich Dich cannon galant hop.
We had a great quiet group. At first everyone kind of kept to themselves
But by the end of the trip everyone was exchanging Facebook profiles.
Kui and the other locals were awesome!
They reminded me a lot of the cowboys back home in that they were always cutting up
And you could never get a serious answer from them.
That guy looks tired. Another Coconut Roadkill
There are no signs pointing to the secret secluded resort
we're trying to find, but I had some directions written on a napkin that I accidentally used to wipe up some Tom yum goong.
Either this is the place or our heads are about to be shrunken.
At the Southern tip of the island is La Laanta resort and spa.
video
Cozy climate-controlled bungalows with running water clean restrooms and room service if that's your thing.
Is it just me or is it strange to have a swimming pool thirty feet from a tropical beach?
while the wife got a massage, some tropical spirits and bikini time.
I finally got to trek through the jungle in search of wild animals. Hey, dude
Yep, I'd be strutting it, too.
I scoured the jungle and saw some monkeys and a giant millipede.
But absolutely no snakes. Where the heck are all the snakes in Thailand?
Back at the resort though some other scaly beasts were waiting for their glamour shots.
The Tokay Gecko is the second largest gecko in the world growing up to 51 centimetres long.
Though human Development is reducing its range, this lizard is adapting well to living in man-made structures. Awe, he's going after the cicada.
There it goes
Chomp time! And it's common to see them sticking to the walls and ceilings ridding the place of big bugs and small rodents.
Tokay is an onomatopoeia for its two-syllable mating call.
American Soldiers in Vietnam heard something different and called it the Fu lizard. Luckily that name didn't stick.
Thailand's superstition tells that if the tokay calls seven times it's bad luck.
luckily this one called eight.
Departing from Koh Lanta, there are several other island tours. We chose the one that had the least tourists and best snorkeling.
Koh Rok.
There we sponged up Empty Beach Paradise and Crystal clear water
In shallow Coral reefs, uncountable species of colorful fish are just as curious about you as you are about them.
clownfish, parrotfish
Puffers, damsels, you name it. The highlight was an eight-foot long green moray eel. If you like snorkeling,
you'll go bananas at Koh Rok.
Back at La Laanta resort we were making friends with the locals and marinating in relaxation.
Next we're abandoning the finer luxuries to bask in the basics. I chose a secluded River Lodge
Deep in the jungle desperately hoping to finally find some wild snakes.
We weren't there five minutes before we stopped to appreciate the Draco's clinging to the trees.
A draco or flying dragon is a lizard that can flare its ribcage into winged-like gliders and glide from tree to tree.
And you'll never believe what was hunting the flying Draco's. A Paradise FLYING SNAKE!
You heard me, a flying snake!
I thought you only saw flying snakes on National Geographic and here's one found 5 meters from our lodge.
This is truly paradise!
Keen eyesight helps these snakes hunt lizards, frogs, Birds and bats before
subduing them with a mild venom that's harmless to humans.
To avoid predators this snake will race up a tree if that doesnt detour the predator, the snake will leap into the air,
Flatten its body, glide and pilot to another tree.
After releasing my first snake I didn't waste a second before charging into the jungle.
The cicadas in the canopy made me feel at home with their tornado siren sounding calls.
Knowing I was trekking in a place where I could rustle up a python or a king Cobra was too good to be true.
I felt like I was five [years] old again venturing into the mysterious
forests for answers, but I was warned to watch my step closely. Especially for the Malayan pit viper.
This highly venomous invisible snake keel more people in Thailand than any other. And if it couldn't get any more adventurous,
the Sun Went down.
I don't know how many hours I lost track of. My flashlight
thoroughly searched the surrounding wilderness, and I was able to find two snakes including this redneck Keelback.
This snake was formerly listed as non-Venomous until it recently keeled someone.
And almost several others. Most bites are dry
But if this snake can chew on you long enough to envenomate you with fangs in the back of its mouth, you've got a problem.
Halfway across the planet and again I find myself watching out for the rednecks.
I supposed I should get back and let the wife know I wasn't eaten by a tiger.
What's wrong baby?
I can't go anywhere.
What's the problem?
These guys
Alright, I'm gonna let him go. It's a moth. He's showing you his abdomen. He's got these
Orange and black bands, and he was a vibration his wings
He's trying to pretend like he's a bee so that I'll leave him alone, but I'm not gonna hurt you
Next we're headed to another
supposedly beautiful secluded beach at the sunshine Paradise resort on the east coast in Prachuap Khiri Khan.
Hope I'm saying that right. We arrived late so checked into a 15-dollar room
That was better than any $60 room in the U.S. Then the next morning checked into a $45 room
That was better than any $200 room back home I've stayed in. Not to mention It was on a private Beach.
We realized a swimming pool 30 feet from the beach is great to rinse the salt water off in.
There are a lot of dangerous animals in Thailand, but nobody ever warned us of falling coconuts.
Upon research several news outlets have claimed that you're more likely to die from a falling coconut
Than a shark attack. And check out this watermelon sized fruit dangling in the canopy called a jackfruit
Probably because it's really going to jack you up if it lands on your melon.
The nearby Temple is a great place to set aside your irrational fears and live in the now.
Notice I'm not attempting to pronounce this one.
High above a peaceful ocean I can't help ponder how
Difficult it must be for a Thai immigrant to leave all these remarkable settings and Fairytale
backdrops to plant roots in a drab spice-less landscape.
Shooting video...
Alright guys, it's Christmas Eve, and I'm about to go road cruising for snakes for the first time.
I'm so excited that the camera's shaking. I can't hold the camera steady. We might find Cobras.
We might find a python we might find vipers! Wish me luck. Merry Christmas.
After a good hour of road cruising Santa brought me one of the best gifts
I've ever been blessed with. And after another hour... the teadliest snake in Thailand!
A stalking stuffed with Christmas vipers was going back to the resort with me for some glamour shots.
I've never had a white Christmas in Texas, but here, I'm having the white lipped pit Viper Christmas
I've always dreamed of. Pit vipers are named after their heat sensing organs called pits... the holes between their eyes and nostrils.
big elliptical pupils keen for night vision,
a sensitive forked tongue able to taste the smallest molecules in stereo and heat sensing pits
leave sleeping lizards, birds and active frogs little hope for hiding.
All right
if there was a snake that I was concerned about
It was this one. This is the Malayan pit viper
and
What makes this snake so tangerous is that it's almost invisible when it lies in the weeds
This little girl will sit there motionless. She won't move. If you
don't see her, and if you step on her, she will tag you. Look how gentle she's being.
But if you get bit by this guy... if you don't get to medical attention...
Good chance you're going to say goodbye
to your foot or your leg you might even dye.
You're ready to go back home?
Next we're headed to the Mountain beauty of Khao Yai, but first we're going to stop and check something off the bucket list.
Sewadee krub.
There's a saying we say on Mexican surf
Safaris that only a surfer knows the feeling. If you've ever been on a long trek through the jungle
streams and up the steep banks on the shoulders of an elephant
It would be just as difficult to describe the feeling with words... An immense sensation of beauty and awe will have to do for now.
beautiful
Yes!
Thank you so much. Awe!
Just a few hours drive from Bangkok is Khao Yai, National Park.
Scenery waterfalls and wildlife and monkeys were the highlights of our afternoon.
Bless you. The more you watch monkeys the more you start to see your friends and family in them.
Just outside the park we found an awesome bungalow
Inside the bathroom we found an asian painted frog and inside the shower, check this out a snake shed!
There are all sorts of cracks in the wall, so the geckos could come and go as they please.
You don't even have to leave your house to find amazing animals here. You know what's awesome guys?
is taking a lump in Thailand and looking over
And there's a gigantic spider next to you. I'm really hoping he doesn't jump up my leg.
Oh Yeah...
Ohhhhh Yeah....
There he is right there. I love this country!
MUSIC: "Angel's Serenade" by Southern Backtones