- Growing up, I didn't even know what trans was.
It was always, "You're not a girl.
You're not a girl. You're not a girl."
If you brought your heels with , please put them on.
- Black trans woman from Trinidad and Tobago,
that doesn't go over well.
DOMINIQUE JACKSON: Step up. Don't be scared.
I don't bite till after midnigh.
[class laughing]
I did not see a future for myse.
Walking, a lot of times, we don't understand
we carry our emotions with us when we walk.
If you are late for work,
it's gonna be... excuse me. Exc. - [class laughing]
Get out of the way, right?
- Ballroom becomes salvation fo.
DOMINIQUE:
and I realized that I could be ,
there was no going back.
♪ dance music playing ♪
Five, six, seven, eight, walk.
But what I've discovered by walking with my head up
is being able to say, "No.
I don't care what you think abo"
CARLOS WATSON:
follow undefined paths.
To find your voice,
you may need to journey into the unknown.
I'm Carlos Watson, editor of
and these are
♪
EDWIN TORRES: I don't know if it's straight o.
DOMINIQUE: Yeah, I like that.
I never thought I would have put my mother on my wall like t.
- Hey. How are you? - Hi, Carlos.
A pleasure. Welcome. - How are you?
- Welcome to my little, little .
CARLOS: Thank you. Beautiful pl. DOMINIQUE: Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. In the spirit of the holidays.
CARLOS: I was gonna say, you're getting ready for Christ.
Is that your favorite holiday?
- Eh, you know, um,
for quite a while I really didn,
get into holidays and stuff lik,
because there was so much more going on.
I really couldn't put up photos.
Like, everyone does. They have ,
but I didn't value my life.
So therefore, I didn't celebratf by putting up my photos.
I was living in survival mode.
CARLOS: What was it like for you growin?
Were you able to be open...
- No. - ...as a trans girl, trans wom?
- I would never have come out
if I was living in Tobago.
Trans people on the islands are murdered.
And there's nothing done.
CARLOS: Was there anyone else growing up on the island,
like, were there any other peope who felt like their gender...
DOMINIQUE:
People on the island treated this person horribly.
Like, they couldn't get into ta. They had no place to live.
I would see people discriminate against them.
I would see people laugh at the.
But this person was so happy.
When you saw them, they weren'tg with their heads down and feeli.
They were walking around, like,
really happy. Like, singing and, and a lot of people would say,
"Oh, they're crazy. They've lost their mind."
But what I've come to realize i, that person had found their tru.
They didn't care what anyone el.
Going through life, growing up,
when it came to understanding m,
I was so excited about my truth
that I thought that everyone should just be like,
"We accept you. We love you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
For my mother, who is rooted in her church,
in, in her Bible,
she did not understand it.
CAROLE LYONS:
And Dominique is my son.
My... sorry.
Is my daughter.
My firstborn.
Dominique was a wonderful child.
Loving. Kind.
He was always a performer. He was a great dancer.
DOMINIQUE:
I didn't want to join the Boy S. I joined the Brownies.
And when I got to a certain age, it was no longer cute
for me to do the girly things.
Now it was like, "Look, this can be kind of seri"
I had an aunt who, every time I opened my mouth,
she would say, "Speak like a boy!
Act like a boy! You're not a girl."
Okay, but, this is where I rela.
- From what age did you feel th?
- It was about when I realized that girls had vaginas
and boys had penises, and I didn't want one.
- So, you're talking, like,
- five, six, seven-- DOMINIQUE: Four.
I remember first asking the que,
"What is this? Why is it here?"
To them, it was like, you're born male.
But to me, it was like, this is.
So, somebody fix it.
- Were you saying this to Mom--
- To my grandmother, but they weren't hearing me.
I was taken out of dance classe, and put into soccer.
I went to church every Sunday, Sunday school.
CAROLE:
He was very involved with the Anglican church.
He was an acolyte at the time I left Tobago...
in 1986.
My husband and I at the time,
and my three children, we moved to Baltimore, Maryland.
JAYE BREBNOR: Mom came over to the Unites States for a bett,
to prepare a better life for us.
CAROLE:
so he left him with her.
DOMINIQUE:
so now this is a prestigious thg on the island.
Your child is serving on the al. They're closer to God.
And then the priest,
I started to feel really strange vibes from him.
He took me to the beach,
myself and another acolyte, and I'm thinking,
ooh, everyone else is gonna be ,
because now I'm close to the pr.
To me, it was like being close to a president or something lik.
And so we're in the water, and..
he takes off his shorts.
My priest was not a homosexual. He was a pedophile.
CARLOS:
DOMINIQUE:
I cannot tell you if I was penetrated in the water or not.
I just know I felt pain.
I know that things did not feel.
CAROLE:
if I was able to travel,
I'm sure I would have committed.
DOMINIQUE:
But religion also hurt me.
At those times, I didn't feel le I had any connection to God.
Even though I knew he was there,
I just didn't feel like He lovee or cared for me,
because I was told that I was an abomination for being .
Years later, I got a phone callg that one of the acolytes had pa.
It was from AIDS complications.
And so, when I heard that the priest may have HIV,
in my entire being, all I heard was "run."
"Run."
CARLOS:
Dominique had experienced enough fear and abuse
to last a lifetime.
Now, she'd leave the only home she'd ever known
seeking the one thing she neede:
family.
CAROLE:
I said, "Okay, that's fine. You can stay with me."
And basically, that's when...
let us know about his new lifes.
It was a shock to everybody.
DOMINIQUE:
Went downtown Baltimore. Snuck away from home.
I needed to find a place that he
find some kind of feeling that I was normal.
I met this guy.
Taller than I was,
and I'm standing there, and I'm like,
"Ah, yeah. We're gonna go out." And then here these people come.
Trans women.
I didn't even know what trans w.
But I'm thinking to myself,
okay, something's different abo,
and I relate to it.
And they're like,
"Oh, you're not dating him."
"I don't know you."
"No, you're not dating him."
They told me he contracted HIV,
and the way that he dealt with t was to do this thing called "gi"
His idea was, someone did it to,
so I'm gonna do it to everyone .
And they held me and they walke.
But they were from ballroom.
Ballroom saved my life that nig.
- For people who've never been to the shows,
take 'em inside.
What were the shows like? - Fantastic.
♪ dance music playing ♪
DOMINIQUE:
with all kinds of burdens and t,
and then this person would get ,
and you would see makeup, and you would see hair,
and you just feel this sense of.
♪ dance music playing ♪
It was ballroom, and we were vogueing at night,
and doing runway, and tying sheets around to make.
It was a place for us to just really have community.
It's like, why are you going to?
Because that's where you feel your comfort.
I had found my chosen and prove.
People who were just like me.
CARLOS:
helped her define what she'd always been feeling.
It also provided sanctuary to l,
as the person she saw in the mi.
JAYE:
that my brother is no longer my.
It's my sister.
So, of course, like any other p,
Mom has rules, standards, guidelines.
If you don't want to live under my household, you know, leave.
And, you know, that's what happd at that point in time.
CAROLE:
it's not about acceptance.
That's how I see it.
In my eyes, it's wrong.
We were taught by my grandmother to always live for the Lord.
That's how we lived.
And there was nothing about bei, or anything like that.
DOMINIQUE: I couldn't go back h, because if I had gone back home,
then I would have to de-transit.
So, because I could not live in my mother's house
as a female at that time,
the voice came back to me. "Run."
I ended up in New York.
♪
- Tyra Allure Ross is who we kn.
You all know her by Dominique J.
So when I say Tyra, I mean Dominique Jackson.
She was a legend. A bona fide legend.
HOST:
- MICHAEL ROBERSON:
particularly her category,
the trans women are overly made, if you will.
This notion of a Jessica Rabbit,
small waist, big breasts,
and here's this tall, slender wn
who would walk in a club
part the Red Sea like Moses,
have all these little young gayn surrounding her.
Like Janet Jackson, like Naomi ,
Tyra has that same kind of powe.
And when she does it, you would never think
someone like that is struggling with self-esteem issues.
DOMINIQUE:
Going down to Christopher Stree.
And it was either 42nd Street or Christopher Street.
And this is where we survive.
You remember Tiffany's, right?
Tiffany's was a restaurant that.
you would hang out on Christopher Street all night.
If you had to do sex work or something like that,
you would do your work.
But I used to work at Two Potato and finish the shows,
and everybody would meet up,
the sex workers, the entertaine, and we would come up here,
and come to Tiffany's.
And have breakfast at Tiffany's.
EDWIN: I remember many nights I slept on these benches.
DOMINIQUE: Ah. Well, Central Park was my place to sl.
You slept here. EDWIN: I slept here. Yeah.
DOMINIQUE:
MICHAEL:
must have been like, '97, '98.
Dominique didn't have her green.
Couldn't work as much,
and she was living from post to,
pillar to pillar, sleeping on different people's couches.
DOMINIQUE:
on the pier vogueing and readin, and it was our place.
You would stay down on the pier. You had community.
You had family.
As soon as you said, "I'm sleeping on the pier,"
someone would say, "Oh, well, I got a wealthy apar,
so you could come over, stay, a, you're gonna be my sister."
When a ballroom person calls you mother, brother,
sister, uncle, auntie... it's d.
The camaraderie and the acknowlt
kind of negates the fact that you're sleeping on the floor.
- So, it's shared. It's very co. - Yeah. It's very communal.
And that's the thing about-- People didn't think, like,
how could you be hanging out
and homeless, and be happy?
And it was like, you had people
that went through the same thinu
and we were there for each othe.
I guess we distracted each other from the--
- From all the pain and sufferi. - Yeah.
CAROLE:
We didn't know where to look fo.
I would get phone calls that were very, very difficult.
Well, it had to be resentment for her to be calling me,
and just ranting.
DOMINIQUE:
was...
I, I--
I told her I hated her.
And I've never, ever...
forgiven myself for that.
I never hated my mother.
I just...
I just wanted to be...
I, I wanted to feel acknowledge.
CAROLE:
"Don't you ever call me again,
and disrespect me."
[sniffles] Okay.
Thank you.
JAYE:
hearing some of the things that she did have to go through.
Dancing in the clubs, or...
you know, whatever else that, y,
she had to do to make ends meet.
DOMINIQUE:
I was dirt.
- You caught me off guard with . I'm sorry, guys.
- One of the things that's verye
about a lot of trans women is because of trans-phobia,
the thing that's most viable for their economic stability is sex.
DOMINIQUE:
was having to negotiate with pee
for my body.
And for any girl who has to walk the streets, people don't .
They think that it's a choice, or something like that. No.
We know what can happen to us o.
We're not just going out there and saying we don't care.
And for those of us that go oute and say we don't care,
it's because we don't feel we have any value,
so we just wanna get it over wi.
CARLOS:
Is that a very different experie than being
a white trans woman?
- Hell, yeah.
The lighter-skinned girls and t,
if you had the nice long hair, you had the light skin, pretty ,
would work clubs like Sally's and Edelweiss.
And it's working in those spaces that you were the safest.
Usually,
the trans women of color would work 14th Street.
There were some times that I never thought
I was never gonna get out of th.
And then realized that I had to get right back into another one.
So, um, I'm still dealing with .
MICHAEL:
and brown trans women
whose bodies were brutalized and murdered,
and there was no outcry not only from the city,
but from the larger white LGBT .
The continued brutalization ands of black and Latina trans women
are not necessarily being experd
as the same as white trans folk.
Black and brown folk are dealing with not only HIV and AIDS,
but other intersections of health disparities.
DOMINIQUE:
I thought I was HIV positive.
And, um-- - Were you seeking treatment?
- I did not seek treatment, because I didn't want them to c.
In 2000, I got tested,
and I wasn't positive.
And first I was like, happy and,
and I get downstairs and I'm walking up to the 2 tra,
and something hits me.
What if you had just gotten a positive result?
The things that we have been through in life
and to be where we are right no,
we can only be grateful.
Many of us aren't here right no.
Actually, this is where I met my first husband.
- Mm. - He was standing in that vesti.
And I said, "That's gonna be my"
And he was standing right in that vestibule smoking a cigare.
- Mm. - I should have left him there.
[Torres laughs]
I was married from 2011. Uh...
CARLOS:
DOMINIQUE:
A male dating a trans woman
is not a gay male,
but people tend to force that o,
and because when straight men are made to feel like
they're not as masculine as society forces them to be,
and puts all these stereotypes ,
all of a sudden, if you deal wih a trans woman, you're gay.
So now it's like, "Oh, my gosh, all these things in my head.
I'm gonna just kill her."
A lot of the men that kill trann were in relationships with them.
All through the relationship,
he said it was really embarrassm
to have to be with me, and he ft I should be living stealth.
As time went by, I was slowly pushed into a box,
going according to the stereotys
of women in relationships,
which is extremely submissive. Respect your man.
Some black girls are taught that
your man has to be aggressive w.
Or he doesn't love you.
So in a sense,
I thought that his aggression mt
I wasn't being a good woman.
There was an argument every day about me not being obedient.
It was getting to the point where I believed
that this man was gonna hurt me.
For the first time,
the voice came back to me in ye.
"Run."
♪
DOMINIQUE:
And I was like, God, you spared my life.
You have a purpose for me.
And right then and there, I started getting into activism.
TONYA ASAPANDA-JOHNSON WALKER:
I am the co-founder of the New k Transgender Advocacy Group.
And I'm also the community affairs officer.
And what we've gotten done this,
we've got a gay and trans panic defense passed,
we've gotten a non-discriminatin act passed this year,
and we've got a ban on conversi. - [all clapping]
DOMINIQUE:
people of color can come to,
and actually feel like they're being serviced by
people who have actually lived the experiences
that they're going through.
JUNIOR LEBEIJA: I've been shut n from insurance to do my surgery.
When they told me that, I really wanted to commit suici.
If I couldn't be who the fuck I wanted to be,
I would kill myself, and I would jump out that windo,
and end my life.
And through the grace of God,
they called me and said I could get my surgery, which i.
[clapping and cheering]
DOMINIQUE: Thank you for sharing your stor.
Coming into my bottom surgery,
I felt the very same way. I thought that my life was goin.
I was tucked for 21 years.
I did not come out of that G-stg
except it was for a shower,
which I usually cried during,
because I had to wash parts of y that did not belong there.
I tried to cut it off myself...
a few years...
into my transition.
But then I met Dr. Rachel Bluebond-Langner.
And then she told me my surgery date was June 29th,
and like, I'd, like-- life just came right back into .
Like, I--
I really wanted to live again.
CARLOS:
was life affirming for Dominiqu.
For the first time in her life,
her physical body would fully an
with how she'd always felt insi.
MAN: Oh! Oh, I love you.
You, too. You, too, darlin'. You, too.
I love you. I respect you so mu.
- She is much more determined.
She believes in herself more so.
You begin to see things gradualy fall in place for her.
From the book, to the reality TV show
to
- Before the surgery,
and I did the first audition.
And I'm just like, oh, dear God.
I have to play this role, but I know I'm not gonna get it.
After surgery, I was not supposed to be in heels.
I still had stitches, and they called for the call-ba.
So we go into the room, and there's Mr. Murphy,
and I was in pain.
I can't even remember everything he asked me,
but he did ask me about my relationship with my mom.
And I said that I loved them ve.
And I understand that I can't fe
to understand me, to comprehend my situation,
so I have to love them from a d.
And everyone in the room was kind of moved by that.
Then they called me and they said I had
So... [sniffles]
Yeah. You just can't give up. Oh, God.
♪
MICHAEL:
ballroom was up in adulation fo.
♪ dance music playing ♪
- Ballroom, we are stepping into the Golden Globes tonight.
♪
CARLOS:
and self love.
Now with a role on
of the very people and culture that saved her life.
Do you think it's getting bette? Do you think it's changing?
- I hope it's changing, and with a show like
I believe that the world is cha.
The late '90s, we'd walk through Times Square,
and I would say to them,
"I'm gonna be on a billboard in Times Square."
And they would laugh. They're l, "You're a trans woman, and you'"
And in 2018,
there we were, in Times Square, looking up,
and they had the billboard up.
MICHAEL:
that she's still the same humbl.
But it's put her under much more of a microscope,
so that scares her more.
Coming out of her house a lot of the times,
or walking down the street, again, she's a trans woman,
but now she's out in the world,
I think she's become more fearf.
DOMINIQUE:
to a lot of people.
So while most celebrities can rd
without security, without anyone with them,
I have to have someone with me.
And that's why I have Edwin.
Through everything, though, that
I'm grateful that
you are here with me.
- I went from security...
- To personal manager.
- To boyfriend.
- You said it. [laughs]
EDWIN:
DOMINIQUE:
EDWIN:
But you always loved Christmas.
I wasn't able to really celebrate Christmas.
Right before
And I said that, um, I needed her in my life.
CAROLE:
And when I answered,
it was my child on the other li.
DOMINIQUE:
and I didn't want us to be at o.
CAROLE:
"You are my firstborn.
There is nothing that will change my love for you."
DOMINIQUE:
[elevator dings]
I haven't spent Christmas with y in, like, 20 years.
-
- What's going on? -Hi! [cooing]
Oh, my gosh. You look so beautiful!
You look ama-- - No, you're so good to-- Look .
Look at you. - Oh, my gosh.
So, the last apartment you saw,? - Yes.
- I know it was a disaster, and it was not...
Like, but it was what I could a, and where I lived.
- Yes. - So now, Miss Owings Mills lad.
[laughs] - Oh, we're here!
- Yes. Welcome to my home.
CAROLE: Oh, wow!
Look at here. Oh, my goodness.
DOMINIQUE: Come on. Come on in.
- Oh!
This is beautiful.
- You like it? CAROLE: I do.
Did you put me up there with my stomach so fat?
[all laughing]
DOMINIQUE: This is the wall I want you to .
This is everything that I have .
- That's you?
- This is me with Debra Shaw, the model.
And Gwyneth Paltrow.
Yes, this is Whoopi. And who's ?
CAROLE: That is Lauren herself. You look so much like your aunt.
DOMINIQUE: [laughs] This is the
CAROLE: Oh, wow!
- And when it's clear, you can see that's Manhattan.
CAROLE: Let's go inside. Let's . DOMINIQUE: [laughs] You're cold.
I know you are. CAROLE: Yes.
JAYE: It's been so long since the family has just
all been together. - Been together. Yes.
- Like, you know, we always talk, you know.
But, all of us being under the same roof for the holidays,
oh, I'm ready. - Oh.
I love you. CAROLE: I love you, too.
[rain pouring]
DOMINIQUE:
I can find myself cowered away.
I even do this a lot at times.
'Cause it's kind of like, it pr.
But what I've discovered,
is I can clear a path
walking down the street,
by walking from my core,
no matter what's in here.
It feels like I accomplished
a lot more than anyone thought .
Hi!
WOMAN:
You are big inspiration to a lot of people.
WOMAN 2: Pose!
MICHAEL:
and opening that door for others
that are afraid to say it,
yes, I'm definitely, definitely, definitely 100 percent proud of.
WOMAN: My dream! - [laughs] Hi!
- You are amazing!
DOMINIQUE: Oh-- WOMAN 2: How are you?
DOMINIQUE: I'm well. How are yo? WOMAN 2: I'm all right. I'm col-
- I know. - Thank you.
DOMINIQUE: You're welcome. Thank you, love.
- Yes, ballroom was created out of survival.
But I'm hoping she gets to a ple
when she understands that she has a divine right
to not survive,
but to thrive and live.
- My child always show
that extreme potential,
and I am sure that I don't know half of her pain and torture
getting to where she is today.
CARLOS:
survival itself is often considd a success story.
But Dominique has surpassed even the boldest of expectation,
rising from her own anguish,
and transforming a life of strue into one of triumph.
DOMINIQUE:
I feel like I should celebrate
the fact that I didn't give up.
But I almost did.
And right now, everyone is fighting for equality and right.
The MeToo movement, Black Lives Matter, Trans Lives.
We are the majority.
All of us, in our little segregated corners,
calling ourselves minorities.
When we march together, we are the majority.
We have to stop with this judgm,
and tough love.
Right? It's not tough love.
There is another path. There is another way.
All I was trying to do was live,
and be the best me, and prove to my mother
that being trans did not mean that I was some degenerate.
So for parents to be able to instill in their children, ".
there are these types of people in the world,"
then you are arming your childrn with knowledge.
CAROLE:
we can mend.
I'm growing daily.
I am growing daily.
DOMINIQUE:
and I want my kids to be able to experience
what my mother did for me, which was help make me this per.
Not about the aesthetic, but about the mindset.
And that mindset is love.
♪