(BOB) Definitely not staring right at your dick.
(MARK) Thanks, man. I would stare at your dick, ... (BOB) Oh yeah...
(MARK) ...but you don't have any dick. So, congratulations.
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) *laughing*
(BOB) I have no dick for you to look at.
(BOB) I have no dick for you to look at. (MARK) *laughing*
(BOB) Oh god! Oh no! Oh geez!
(BOB) This is why we pick games: for the bending at the waist mechanics.
(MARK) For these. (BOB) This is why we pick games: for the bending at the waist mechanics.
(BOB) This is why we pick games: for the bending at the waist mechanics.
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) This is why we pick games: for the bending at the waist mechanics.
(MARK) So anyway, um, there's a story to this. Uh, go talk to that farmer.
(FARMER) Hey friend, welcome to my farm.
(FARMER) Hey friend, welcome to my farm. (BOB) Oh my god.
(FARMER) Go outside and take a look. You gotta kill all those creatures out there.
(MARK) I don't know a lot about the game, but why the hell is he pinned to the wall with a leg missing?
(BOB) I know.
(BOB) He's just hanging down.
(MARK) *laughing* He doesn't make any god damn sense.
(BOB) *Farmer impression* Well, I lost my leg and I was like, "how am I gonna stand up?"...
(MARK) *laughing*
(BOB)... So I had my friend take this pitchfork and I was like, "look, just pin me to the wall."...
(MARK) *laughing*
(BOB)...With all those pigs out there, where am I gonna be going anyway?...
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB)...Alright? Right? You'll know what I'm talking about in a second.
(BOB)...Alright? Right? You'll know what I'm talking about in a second.
(MARK) Oh my god. Als- (BOB) Does it get bigger when he gets excited?
(BOB) Does it get bigger when he gets excited?
(MARK) I-I-*sigh* (BOB) What?
(MARK) I don't know. I don't want to talk about that, just-
(BOB) It's not that kind of leg? (MARK) I don't know. I don't want to talk about that, just-
(BOB) Also, I like how the blue of his jeans is smeared on his leg.
(MARK) Oh, is it? Oh yeah. (BOB) As if...
(BOB) ...his pants were painted on.
(MARK) It was violently ripped off. (BOB) And so like-
(BOB) His legs got- his leg got bitten off at that point, and then the lips of whatever bit him...
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) ...slurped off the painted on jeans that he was wearing above the knee.
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) Yeah.
(MARK) That's shockingly accurate. (BOB) That's-...
(BOB) ...why there's blue smears on there: THAT explains it perfectly.
(MARK) Yeah, and if you shoot him, he gets... Oh, actually.
(FARMER) Hey! Ya know, that's really starting to get annoying. (MARK) Oh, oh... Oh!
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) We're supposed to be shooting, uh, pigs.
(MARK) They're out here somewhere.
(MARK) Oh... (BOB) And isn't that -...
(BOB) ...isn't that a little on-the-nose, killing cops at a time like this in our country?
(MARK) Oh-ho! *laughing*
(MARK) Oh-ho! *laughing* (BOB) *laughing*
(BOB) Wow oh wow, that's wacky! (MARK) Wow!
(MARK) Man *cough* You got the *cough* Good jokes *hack*
(BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) *clears throat* Anyway. (BOB) You okay friend?
(MARK) Yeah, Imma shoot these pi-
(BOB) How, so how hard are these thing to- Oh my god it's not dying, okay.
(MARK) *laughing*
(MARK) Oh my god that's actually... (BOB) No, it's gonna be like...
(MARK) That's actually... (BOB) ...just a rampage of the murder pigs.
(BOB) ...just a rampage of the murder pigs.
(MARK) Oh my god!
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) Holy shit! Parts come off of them.
(BOB) Holy shit! Parts come off of them.
(MARK) *laughing* It just- *laughing* (BOB) OH MY GOD IT'S- AH, THE HEAD CAME OFF, ...
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) ...BUT IT DIDN'T STOP!
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) Oh, please not like this.
(MARK) *laughing*
(BOB) Okay. (MARK) My goodness, that is horrific.
(MARK) Tip - Good Job. (BOB) Tip - Good Jo-
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) It was... (BOB) I mean...
(BOB) Yeah, I-I appreciate that, I guess.
(MARK) I'm starting to think that maybe this isn't what we were supposed to be doing in this.
(MARK) Oh also HIII! Hello everybody. (BOB) This is great.
(MARK) We're playing Blood and Bacon.
(MARK) Oh, yeah. (BOB) Oh, there's sprint! Look at the-
(BOB) Look at how you look when you sprint.
(MARK) *laughing* It's just- just, the skeleton walk cycle is just really stupid...
(MARK)... 'cause you're... y-you're just picking your knees up; you're not actually going forward at all.
(MARK)You're just kinda like - DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK
(BOB) *laughing* (MARK)You're just kinda like - DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK.
(BOB) That's kinda how you sprint. (MARK) *Grunt*
(MARK) Wait, this isn't sprint. How do I sprint again?
(BOB) Shift?
(BOB) Definitely hesitate too... (MARK) Sh-Shift makes me go slower!
(MARK) Oh, it's toggle. Oh. (BOB) Oh, it toggles.
(MARK) Oh, that's stupid.
(MARK) *constipated sound* (BOB) *rhythmic chanting*
(BOB) *rhythmic chanting*
(MARK) *heavy grunting* (BOB) *rhythmic chanting grunts*
(MARK) *straining noises*
(BOB) *laughing* (MARK) *relieved grunting*
(MARK) We gotta get to the farmer.
(BOB) You- you gotta- you gotta- you gotta...
(BOB)... simulate the, uh, the effect of your acceleration, though, on your body.
(BOB) You- WAHHHHHH!
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) You- WAHHHHHH!
(MARK) That didn't work at all.
(BOB) Did I slow down, when I did it?
(MARK) Yeah, you did. (BOB) Did I slow down, when I did it?
(BOB) Oh, fucking shit!
(MARK) Let me show you how to do it.
(BOB) Whaaaa-o! (MARK) Let me show you how to do it.
(MARK) *laughing*
(MARK) Let me show you how to-
(BOB) Did I do it?
(MARK) Yeah, watch.
(MARK) Gotta go fast!
(MARK) HAAAAAAAAAA!!!
(MARK) See, wasn't that funny? *laughing*
(BOB) *laughing* (MARK) See, wasn't that funny? *laughing*
(BOB) Alright, let's go talk to this weird fucking guy.
(MARK) Alright. (BOB) Alright, let's go talk to this weird fucking guy.
(BOB) Alright, let's go talk to this weird fucking guy.
(FARMER) I know it doesn't seem fair-
(MARK) Hey, I can't hear his very important dialogue.
(BOB) Oh my god, he follows you.
(BOB) His head turns and follows you when he's talking.
(MARK) I know... (BOB) His head turns and follows you when he's talking
(MARK) *sacrasm* It's really disturbing.
(BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) Wait, what's that about? (BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) Wait, what's that about? (BOB) I think you mean, it's REALLY disturbing.
(BOB) I think you mean, it's REALLY disturbing.
(Mark) I'll press 'Q' to switch- (BOB) Tip! Press 'Q' key to switch weapons.
(MARK) I was just reading that, let me do the reading.
(MARK) Wait, this chain is physically enabled.
(BOB) Don't you worry about blank, let me worry... (MARK) Wait, this chain is physically enabled.
(BOB) ...*mumble* worry about the reading.
(MARK) I- everyone appreciates Futurama references.
(BOB) Yep. (MARK) I- everyone appreciates Futurama references.
(MARK) That's actually quite impressive.
(BOB) Yeah, look how much I fucked up the physics on those chains, yeah.
(MARK) Hell yeah.
(MARK) Oh, farmer has more to say.
(FARMER) Those creatures multiplied overnight.
(FARMER) They just came back.
(BOB) Even though we killed all of them? (FARMER) Got that? They jumped the wall-
(FARMER) Got that? They jumped the wall-
(MARK) Wait. Wait, so...
(MARK) ...those zombie pigs, are they zombies? Because that's a big question, here.
(BOB) I think they're just very excitingly multicolored pigs.
(MARK) Yeah, and apparently they're sex-crazed too, ...
(MARK) ...because somehow they reproduced overnight, and I don't know how that...
(MARK) ...works, but I don't think I want to know.
(BOB) Oh god, I clicked out of the game.
(BOB) Oh, jeez. (MARK) Again?!
(MARK) Again?!
(MARK) Aren't you a professional Youtuber?
(BOB) Oh, wow. Did I really just cut my recording accidentally when I clicked out of the game?
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) That's so cool.
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) And now I'm going to sync again, ...
(BOB) ...starting on the audio and going down, up, down, down, up, up.
(BOB) Good work, everybody.
(MARK) Good work. (BOB) I blame you, I blame you.
(BOB) I blame you, I blame you.
(MARK) Blame me- What did I do? I did nothing!
(MARK) I'm just trying to be a cool guy!
(MARK) *Screaming*
(BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) Where's all the pigs at? (BOB) *laughing*
(BOB) Woah! Woah, woah, woah, woah, hey, woah
(MARK) Woah, hey-o. (BOB) Woah! Woah, woah, woah, woah, hey, woah.
(BOB) Woah! Woah, woah, woah, woah, hey, woah.
(MARK) Oh gee-uh... (BOB) Press 'T' to clean yourself?
(BOB) Press 'T' to clean yourself?
(MARK) Why do I nee- *laughing* (BOB) Why do-
(MARK) Why do I nee- *laughing* (BOB) Why would I want to-
(BOB) Oh my god! It exploded!
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) Oh my god! It exploded!
(MARK) *laughing*
(BOB) Why? (MARK) *laughing*
(BOB) What did I do? (MARK) *laughing*
(MARK) I think that's why you need to clean yourself.
(BOB) Oh my God!
(MARK) *laughing*
(MARK) How did you make it explode?
(BOB) Oh, that one didn't explode. (MARK) How did you make it explode?
(BOB) I think you have to shoot it up the ass to make it explode.
(MARK) What? Okay, you dis-
(MARK) I'll distract it, you shoot it- Ah. Quick, hurry.
(BOB) Yeah, yeah, I got it (MARK) I'll distract it, you shoot it- Ah. Quick, hurry.
(MARK) I'll distract it, you shoot it- Ah. Quick, hurry.
(BOB) Got ya. (MARK) What?
(MARK) Alright, I'm gonna get that one. Run it around.
(BOB) *Screaming*
(MARK) Move faster. (BOB) *Screaming*
(MARK) Oh my god! *laughing* (BOB) *giggling*
(MARK) Oh my god! *laughing*
(BOB) If you shoot it up the ass, it explodes.
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) If you shoot it up the ass, it explodes.
(MARK) I mean, that's true to every living creature; everyone knows that.
(MARK) It's the one weak spot.
(BOB) Ah, right, the ass.
(MARK) It's like in Zelda, ...
(MARK) ...the big glowing ass...
(BOB) It's where that- (MARK) ...the big glowing ass...
(MARK) ...is the weak spot.
(BOB) It's the origin of the word, "The Ass-splosion." (MARK) ...is the weak spot.
(MARK) Ah.
(BOB) That's where that comes from. (MARK) Ah.
(MARK) Oh, Latin, is it? ... Yes.
(BOB) Okay. (MARK) Wait, I must have missed something; drink from what?
(MARK) Wait, I must have missed something; drink from what?
(MARK) Because it's either the pig or that water spout, and I don't know.
(BOB) You can drink from the pigs' asses to heal yourself ...
(MARK) *laughing*
(BOB) ...if you get injured. (MARK) *laughing*
(MARK) Just be careful you don't hit their self destruct button on the way up there.
(MARK) Just good old- uh-
(BOB) 'F1', 'F3' to change cameras? (MARK) Can't you just... *gasp* Oh!
(MARK) What!? (BOB) Oh my god, there's side camera?
(BOB) Oh my god, there's side camera?
(MARK) Well this is- *laughing*... (BOB) That's what I've wanted my whole life.
(MARK) How would anyone be able to do this? (BOB) That's what I've wanted my whole life.
(MARK) How would anyone be able to do this?
(MARK) How would anyone be able to do this? (BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) *laughing*
(BOB) I think I'm gonna play in side camera only from now on.
(MARK) Me-me also.
(BOB) *laughing* (MARK) Let's talk to this guy.
(BOB) Oh my god! (MARK) Let's talk to this guy.
(BOB) This is disorienting. (MARK) *Screaming into laughter*
(MARK) Hello.
(BOB) And I could laugh at my own shenanigans now.
(MARK) *laughter distorted speech* (BOB) *Screaming* Yeah, woah, woah!
(BOB) What's so crazy? Woaaah!
(MARK) I can't even talk to this guy anymore. (BOB) What's so crazy? Woaaah!
(MARK) There we go.
(BOB) So we need to shove dead pigs into that meat grinder.
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) Oh my god.
(MARK) Okay, goin' to the side view here. *laughing*
(BOB) That's nice- (MARK) Okay, goin' to the side view here. *laughing*
(BOB) I've been- I've been in side view man (MARK) *Markiplier noises*
(BOB) I've been- I've been in side view, man.
(BOB) This is the only way to live anymore.
(MARK) *laughing*
(MARK) Alright, so- (BOB) Oh god, the thing that gets me is...
(BOB) Oh god, the thing that gets me is...
(BOB) ...that the camera doesn't t-tilt up and down even when you aim up and down.
(MARK) Yeah, (BOB) ...that the camera doesn't t-tilt up and down even when you aim up and down.
(MARK) Also, I sure hope there's something in front of me to shoot, ...
(MARK)...*gunfire* 'cause here I go! (BOB) *laughing*
(BOB) I'm-I'm just gonna follow you, okay?
(BOB) I'll follow you.
(MARK) Oh, Jesus! (BOB) I'll follow you.
(BOB) We'll stay together. (MARK) Oh Jesus!
(BOB) We'll stay together.
(MARK) How- Can you see me? (BOB) I can't tell- I can't tell what's happening.
(BOB) I keep seeing flashes of you.
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) Oh, butterflies!
(MARK) Wait, I see some pigs! (BOB) Hey, wait, I saw butterflies!
(MARK) Oh god!
(BOB) Oh, fuck! Oh, jeez, they're coming! (MARK) It's coming from behind!
(BOB) Oh, God, oh. (MARK) They're somewhere in front of me~
(MARK) They're somewhere in front of me~
(BOB) I- (MARK) Hee hee hee!~
(BOB) I killed them... (MARK) Hee hee hee!~
(BOB) I didn't kill them!
(MARK) I don't see the counter going down! (BOB) I didn't kill- they're coming!
(MARK) I don't see the counter going down!
(BOB) *Screaming* (MARK) I don't see the counter going down!
(BOB) *laughing* Oh god!
(MARK) *Screaming* THEY'RE ON ME!!
(BOB) Oh god, oh Mark, oh, they're coming.
(MARK) This was a mistake, but I'm committed.
(BOB) Oh god. Dead. (MARK) Oh god!
(BOB) Are we still playing in side camera?
(BOB) 'Cause I'm- I'm regretting this decision. (MARK) I- I am!
(MARK) Are you telling me... (BOB) I am too.
(MARK) ... You abandoned-
(BOB) I... (MARK) I got one!
(MARK) I got one!
(MARK) Or you got one!
(MARK) Maybe? (BOB) I don't know.
(BOB) Who-who could tell?
(BOB) Oh no! I'm outta ammo! You run out of AK ammo?
(MARK) Hell Yeah! (BOB) Oh, fucking shit!!
(MARK) 'Q' to change- Oh, God!
(MARK) *Weak gun sound effects*
(BOB) *Hyena laughing* (MARK) *Weak gun sound effects*
(BOB) *Hyena laughing* (MARK) Why do you-
(BOB) *Orangutan laughing* (MARK) Why does this guy hold his wrist like this with the pistol?
(BOB) *laughing*
(BOB) *laughing* (MARK) Neuuu-hu-hu-hu! Geuu-hu-hu!
(BOB) I- I'm just too fascinated in my own walk cycle to care about anything else anything else at that point.
(MARK) I know, right? I told you about the walk cycle.
(BOB) *Dooting a song*
(MARK) Just like his running coach in high school... (BOB) *Dooting a song*
(MARK) ... kept telling him, ... (BOB) Oh God!
(MARK) "lift with your knees!!," and...
(MARK) ... he just could never commit to anything else. (BOB) *laughing*
(BOB) There's so many pigs touching me.
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) *laughing*
(BOB) I'm pretty sure I'm just fucking shooting into the sky.
(MARK) *laughing*
(BOB) My- my strategy has turned into...
(BOB) ..."run backwards."
(MARK) Yeah! (BOB) And so, assume that they're chasing me and just shoot straight away from where I-
(BOB) And so, assume that they're chasing me and just shoot straight away from where I-
(MARK) Uh, that's what I was doing. I don't know what you were doing. (BOB) *laughing*
(BOB) Oh god!
(MARK) These are the pro stra-
(BOB) Oh, jeez. (MARK) These are the pro stra-
(MARK) *Screaming*
(MARK) J- Fuckin- I'm stuck on a fence.
(MARK) Dude, I'm stuck.
(MARK) I'm stuck, holy shit.
(MARK) *Markiplier noises*
(MARK) Wait.
(BOB) I keep finding the boundaries of the thing.
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) *Opera scream*
(BOB) Running into invisible- ... (MARK) *Opera scream*
(BOB) ...Oh god! Oh Jesus, I'm stuck on a barn. (MARK) *Opera scream*
(BOB) Oh, no.
(BOB) I just wiped my face off like an idiot. (MARK) Oh jeez, I keep getting stuck everywhere.
(MARK) Where's that goddamn water fountain that they were talking about?
(BOB) Yeah, like we're gonna find that shit.
(MARK) I'll find it; I'll find it eventually.
(MARK) I know it was behind the white house, so I just gotta look for some white and then I'll be good.
(MARK) *Exasperated sigh*
(BOB) Well, if you hold le- I guess if you hold left it's kinda like running forward, so...
(MARK) Left? (BOB) I've got the hax.
(BOB) I've got the hax.
(BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) Ooooh! You're so smart! (BOB) *laughing*
(BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) You're so smart! (BOB) And I fucking...
(BOB) I- The mechanic- The way that your character...
(MARK) Found it! (BOB) ...looks though when you were doing that-
(BOB) ...looks though when you were doing that-
(MARK) I found it! (BOB) Ah, shit!
(MARK) I found it!
(BOB) Oh, god. (MARK) Oh I found it
(BOB) There's still 10 pigs left, I'm pretty sure they're all on me.
(MARK) It's ok I - Ahhh! It was nibbling me.
(BOB) Oh, woah, hey (MARK) It's ok I - Ahhh! It was nibbling me.
(MARK) It's ok I - Ahhh! It was nibbling me.
(BOB) How do you drink from it? (MARK) It's ok I - Ahhh! It was nibbling me.
(MARK) Hey! (BOB) How do you drink from it?
(MARK) I found you! X, you gotta like-
(BOB) Oh no!
(MARK) You gotta like- (BOB) Oh god!
(MARK) Woaoaoa-eeey!
(BOB) Not like this. Not like this!
(MARK) Ah! Exactly like this (BOB) Not like this, Not like this!
(MARK) Ah! Exactly like this.
(MARK) *Markiplier noises*
(BOB) Oh, there's so many pigs. I'm so almost dead right now.
(MARK) Ok I got it, how do I-
(BOB) I have absolutely lost track of where the thing was.
(BOB) I got no health right now. (MARK) I got a- Bow~
(MARK) I got a- Bow~
(MARK) Woah, nelly.
(MARK) Fuck. (BOB) Oh, hey! I found it!
(BOB) Oh, there's a bunch of fucking pigs over here.
(MARK) Who woulda thunked? (BOB) But I got them.
(MARK) Who would have thunked it would be like this?
(BOB) No! Not- not like this! Not like this!
(MARK) *laughing*
(BOB) *Screaming*
(MARK) Ahhhh~
(MARK) He's right in front of me somewh- Oh, I'm dead. Oh, I can shoot from the ground!
(BOB) Can you stretch? (MARK) I can aim way better now!
(MARK) I can aim way better now!
(MARK) Oh my god! *laughing* (BOB) Oh, you just aim but you die?
(MARK) Yeah, you don't die, you just fall. Oh!
(BOB) *Screaming* Oh no! Help, maybe? (MARK) Yeah, you don't die, you just fall. Oh!
(MARK) That's why it looked familiar: they just ripped off Left for Dead!
(MARK) That's what they did.
(MARK) *Markiplier noises*
(BOB) Woah. (MARK) *Markiplier noises*
(MARK) Hey, woah, I'm stuck in a pig corpse. If you could come find me and help me?
(BOB) *laughing* I have no fucking -
(MARK) You better not go first person! (BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) You better not sa- if you save me first person, ...
(BOB) *laughing* (MARK) You better not sa- if you save me first person, ...
(BOB) I haven't.
(MARK) ...I will quit on-
(BOB) Oh, woah, hey hey. I didn't get hit. (MARK) ...I will quit on-
(BOB) Oh, woah, hey hey. I didn't get hit.
(BOB) I got you.
(MARK) Hey!
(BOB) *laughing (MARK) *laughing*
(BOB) *laughing* Oh no! (MARK) Oh my god, the way-
(MARK) Oh no!
(MARK) Dude!
(BOB) What the shit?
(MARK) I know, right?
(BOB) What am I aiming at right now? (MARK) I know, right?
(BOB) What am I aiming at right now?
(MARK) I don't know.
(BOB) Oh my god, this is awesome!
(MARK) Jesus! (BOB) Oh my god, this is awesome!
(MARK) Well, I'm about to die, so...
(MARK) Hope your doing okay.
(BOB) Oh, I'm good. (MARK) 'Cause I'm not.
(BOB) I'm the best.
(MARK) I'm dead, I've- I died.
(BOB) Oh, god!
(MARK) *laughing*
(BOB) There's only- There's zero left!
(MARK) You-
(BOB) We got to go talk to the farmer now! (MARK) *laughing*
(MARK) *laughing*
(BOB) *Silly Bob noises* (MARK) *laughing*
(MARK) I gotta restart it.
(BOB) Stats, press 'Tab' key? (MARK) ...[cho]ose day
(BOB) I didn't even know that.
(MARK) We have stats? Wait, hang on, I wanna see how I did.
(MARK) 8% success rate!
(MARK) Three ass explodes! *laughing*
(MARK) *laughing* (BOB) *laughing*
(BOB) I just want to put on some death metal so that my skeleton man can rock out.
*"Heavy Metal" music plays*
(BOB) *Sick Metal Solo with Mouth*
(MARK) I'm sure that'll look good in post.
(MARK) Alright, fine, fuck this.
(BOB) Oh did we start over at the beginning of day 3 again?
(MARK) Oh, Jesus. (BOB) Oh, did we start over at the beginning of day 3 again?
(BOB) Oh, did we start over at the beginning of day 3 again?
(MARK) Yeah. (BOB) *laughing*
(MARK) It's lovely. Great checkpoint system.
(BOB) *laughing* (MARK) It's lovely. Great checkpoint system.
(MARK) It's lovely. Great checkpoint system.
(MARK) Oh, Jesus. (BOB) Something about a meat grinder.
(BOB) Something about a new place?
(MARK) Yeah. (BOB) Something about a new place?
(MARK) "Did you know there's a meat grinder out there?"
(MARK) "You could grind your meat."
(MARK) Wuh-oh.
(BOB) Alright, are we going- are we going third-person? (MARK) Woah, woah, woah, woah
(MARK) Where's "secret item?" I don't have any secret items.
(MARK) What? Are there secrets in this game?!
(BOB) Wait, Mark, you wanna know a secret?
(MARK) Yeah? What up? (BOB) Wait Mark, you wanna know a secret?
(MARK) Let's finish this level! (BOB) No, I'm a secret, I'm a secret.
(BOB) No, I'm a secret, I'm a secret.
(MARK) I say we do a full completionist playthrough.
(BOB) I'm too beautiful for you. (MARK) I say we do a full completionist playthrough.
(MARK) How'd you do that?
(BOB) *laughing* I'll never tell!
(MARK) You wa- you were- (BOB) *laughing* I'll never tell!
(BOB) *laughing* I'll never tell!
(MARK) You're so cheeky, dude. (BOB) *mad giggling*
(BOB) *laughing* (MARK) Alright, I say we beat this level, ...
(MARK) ...uh, end the episode, and then we'll do a full completionist of this game.
(BOB) *laughing* A full completionist? (MARK) Because it's amazing.
(MARK) It's amazing! This game is incredible.
(MARK) Oh, tiny pig.
(MARK) Prepare to die.
(BOB) It's a masterpiece.
(MARK) It is! Look how good this game is.
(MARK) Alright, so somehow we-
(BOB) What is happening to the pig on top of the meat grinder?
(MARK) I think it just got ground.
(MARK) Wait, okay... Shoot the glowing buttons.
(MARK) Oh, Oo-Joe-Jane-Jumbo-Jay-Jo.
(MARK) Woah!
(BOB) So do I have to like, bring pieces of pig over there? Or-
(MARK) Yeah!
(BOB) Oh yeah! Or you can melee them into it!
(MARK) Ahh. (BOB) Alright yeah, ...
(BOB) ... if you melee the pig corpses, they, like, slide around like it's hockey for some reason.
(MARK) Ah yeah (BOB) ... if you melee the pig corpses, they, like, slide around like it's hockey for some reason.
(BOB) ... if you melee the pig corpses, they, like, slide around like it's hockey for some reason.
(MARK) Ah, yeah.
(BOB) That one's not dead!
(MARK) Hang on I got-
(BOB) I got ya.
(MARK) I got to turn this on.
(BOB) Cool it! (MARK) Okay, it's going.
(MARK) Oh! What do we got?
(BOB) Woah, oh yeah, it's going.
(MARK) *gasp* Ammo!
(BOB) Cool it! (MARK) Oh, it give us ammo!
(MARK) Oh, it give us ammo!
(MARK) Ooo..
(MARK) Eewh.
(MARK) This is awesome, I love this. This is a really-
(BOB) It's a ma- It's a master- It's a masterful piece.
(MARK) Dude, for 90- for 89 cents.
(BOB) It- wait, wait, wait. (MARK) Dude, for 90- for 89 cents.
(BOB) Can I go into the meat grinder?
(MARK) Uhh... You don't have any meat, dude.
(MARK) Look I don't want- I don't want to be discriminatory, but...
(MARK) ...you really don't have any meat on you.
(BOB) That was pretty offensive for you.
(MARK) *Screaming*
(MARK) Phewie! Wait look, look, ...
(MARK) ...look at me, dammit, nev- never mind.
(BOB) Where are you? (MARK) ...look at me, dammit, nev- never mind.
(MARK) Don't look at me.
(BOB) Oh, there you are.
(MARK) Don't look at me, it's not funny.
(BOB) *laughing* (MARK) *sniffle*
(MARK) Don't look at me.
(MARK) I'm leaving. (BOB) Alright, I won't look.
(BOB) Alright, I won't look.
(MARK) Thanks, man.
(BOB) I wanna- I'm gonna melee the fuck out of all these piggy-pigs.
(MARK) Okay.
(BOB) You get over there, you slidey corpse.
(MARK) So- (BOB) You get over there, you slidey corpse.
(BOB) You get over there, you slidey corpse.
(MARK) I- I think we're, ...
(MARK) ...are we done?
(BOB) I think we're just supposed to go talk to the farmer, yeah.
(BOB) But we can- we can shove all these motherfuckers into the grinder if we want.
(MARK) Nice.
(BOB) Alright, I guess we go talk to the weird, ... stabby, douchebag prick?
(MARK) Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(BOB) Wait, Mark. Mark, I found one of the secret things in the game.
(MARK) Okay, I'm on the way.
(BOB) Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up
(BOB) Alright.
(BOB) Cool. (MARK) Up, up, up, up, up?
(BOB) Alright, so if you look right here, ...
(MARK) Mmhmm?
(BOB) ...if you look right here, ...
(MARK) Mmhmm?
(BOB) ...like right there, ...
(MARK) Yeah, I got it, I'm lookin' at it.
(BOB) ...it's- It's an outline of a gun, right? Right?
(MARK) Is there?
(BOB) I bet if you stand on my head, and you go up there, and you- and you press X at it...
(BOB) ... I bet it's a secret gun.
(MARK) I-*sigh* I can't stand on- *sigh*. I think you're bullshitting me, but I want to believe you.
(BOB) You know I- I feel like I'm pretty sure I saw this as a- as a- as a- as an easter egg.
(BOB) Why do you jerk yourself off a little bit after you wipe your face?
(MARK) 'Cause you know I just want to feel good - let me do my thing.
(BOB) Do I do that? Do I jerk myself off a little bit?
(MARK) Well, you don't have anything to jerk off.
(MARK) You kinda just pat your empty void where your stomach would be.
(BOB) Well- (MARK) You kinda just pat your empty void where your stomach would be.
(BOB) I was a whole human before though, like it habits: you know, like I had something down there, probably.
(MARK) Yeah okay, but I mean, I don't think "ghost penis" is a thing.
(MARK) You know, like, ghost, you know, ghost limbs.
(MARK) Phantom! "Phantom penis," sorry, not "ghost penis." That's a movie I watched last night, don't worry about it.
(BOB) Yeah, that whole gun thing was absolutely made up.
(MARK) I was pretty sure. I just, I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt there. I'm finishing this!
(BOB) I was hopeful, I was hopeful that it would just happen.
(BOB) I'm coming! Ah!
(MARK) Thanks, man.
(BOB) Is that getting old yet?
(MARK) Yeah. Alright.
(FARMER) Alright, alright.
(MARK) I- Alright, alright.
(BOB) He's too excited about this pig murder.
(MARK) Okay!
(BOB) Alright!
(MARK) I- I'm s- I'm honest about this: let's do a full completionist of this game.
(MARK) I'm sure it can only get better.
(BOB) Let's- (MARK) I'm sure it can only get better.
(BOB) Let's do.
(MARK) Alright, so thank you everybody so much for watching. I know you didn't ask for it...
(MARK) ...but get ready. We're going to play through this whole goddamn game.
(BOB) We're going to play the fuck out of it. (MARK) So any- yeah, uh
(MARK) *clears throat* Yeah.
(MARK) So, thanks again, thank you Bob for joining me, and as always...
(MARK) ...we'll see you, in the next video... BYE BYE!
(BOB) Bye bye! (MARK) ...we'll see you, in the next video... BYE BYE!
(MARK) Thank you Markifart, Markifart, Markifart, here to wreck, shit.