- We'll get five suggestions,
then we'll drop a beat, and do a freestyle rap.
If you are sat over here, what would you like a rap about?
- [Audience member] Chaise longue
- Chess, Okay, Sorry
I thought you said chess lounge,
I was like, That sounds like a fucking banging night out.
Let's go to the Chess Lounge,
but what you said was,
you pronounced chaise longue differently to me.
So you mean, so you said chess lounge,
but you mean the chair that you lie on, right?
(audience laughing)
Yeah? I'm not being weird, like is it--
Anyone French?
Chaise lounge, right?
How do you pronounce it?
- [Audience Member] Chaise longue
- Chaise longue, okay, cool, okay, cool.
Good, thank you.
Chaise longue, it took a long time to get
to a pretty basic suggestion.
So, the rest of you bear that in mind.
People sat over here, what do you want a rap about?
- [Audience member] Neanderthal DNA.
(audience laughing)
- Neanderthal DNA, yes, look at that.
Fantastic stuff, thank you very much, Neanderthal DNA.
Middle of the room, what do want a rap about?
- [Audience member] Big feet with toenails so long,
they shred the sheets.
- (laughing)
- (Audience laughing and clapping)
- That is a suggestion wrought
from hard-won life experience.
(audience laughing)
I really feel like you're calling
out a partner or ex-partner there.
(audience laughing)
Chaise longue,
Neanderthal DNA,
big feet with toenails
so long they shred the sheets,
(audience laughing)
but you still stay
with them because big feet equals,
(laughing)
I don't know, big shoes, isn't it, right?
So people over here, what would you like a rap about?
- [Audience member] F1 podium.
- An F1 podium.
The podium in a Formula One race
where you stand three, two, or one, right? That's--
Yeah?
- [Audience member] Or the man who gets on it.
- Or the man who gets on it, great. (laughing)
(audience laughing)
He's not being sexist,
there are no female F1 one drivers,
It's just a fact, right?
- [Audience member] Arg!
- I know, arg!
Final suggestion from this shady enclave,
what would you like a rap about?
- [Audience member] Daddy lumberjack.
- Daddy lumberjack, oh yes.
(audience cheering)
- For those of you who cannot see him,
this is the big burly man with--
Look, you don't wear a shirt like that,
have arms that big, and facial hair that neat, and go,
"Oh, please don't rap about me."
(audience laughing)
- [Audience member] Stand up, Stand up!
- People at the back are saying stand up.
Oh, he's way too drunk, yes,
(audience cheering)
- Daddy lumberjack.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you dad, all right, this is my show.
(audience laughing)
Daddy lumberjack, F1 podium, big feet
with toenails so long they shred the sheets,
chaise longue, and Neanderthal DNA, cool.
This is a freestyle, that's a rap made up
on the spot based on all those things.
Don't worry, it'll be as shitty
as you're expecting it to be
and my band's gonna play me,
they're gonna make up a beat.
So, let's hear it and then let's rap over it.
(upbeat music)
Oh, Oh, It's juicy.
It's fat with a PH.
It's thoroughly enjoyable.
♪ No lines, no bars, no pen ♪
♪ No idea what I say ♪
♪ Back in the day ♪
♪ Lookin' at the DNA ♪
♪ Watson and Crick ♪
♪ they gave it a tick ♪
♪ Inventing it maybe observing it ♪
♪ Let me enter in like a cave ♪
♪ Going thousands years ago ♪
♪ People see the sapiens come a homo ♪
♪ But these guys different ♪
♪ Yes, you all see them in the museum hall ♪
♪ Natural history, Neanderthal ♪
♪ How do you know if you've got it kids ♪
♪ Your head's extended Cro-Magnon ridge ♪
♪ That's the brow line ♪
♪ Lookin' like wow ♪
♪ Fraulein in Germany ♪
♪ And actually ♪
♪ How, that's the region over there ♪
♪ I won't insult it ♪
♪ European Neanderthals around all the Baltics ♪
♪ I actually did archeology degree ♪
♪ That's why I got so much knowledge ♪
(audience cheering) ♪ coming from me ♪
♪ And people today got the DNA ♪
♪ Back in the day ♪
♪ They didn't do it this way ♪
♪ Did Neanderthals sing ♪
♪ When they buried the dead ♪
♪ Okay, I've got a lot of essays ♪
♪ stored in my head about this ♪
♪ So we'll move along to the song ♪
♪ Let me recline on the chaise longue ♪
♪ Or the chaise longue, oui, oui, oui ♪
♪ Ma cherie ♪
♪ Come and lie on the chaise longue with me ♪
♪ We get to know each other intimately sexually ♪
♪ And maybe I could inspect your feet ♪
♪ If they're too small, we won't get it on ♪
♪ I want your little pieds ever so long ♪
♪ So grande, tres grande ♪
♪ Yes, it never fail ♪
♪ I like it when I see a female toenail ♪
(audience cheering)
♪ Much longer than average ♪
♪ Strong like a sandwich with brie ♪
♪ Do you want to come to bed with me ♪
♪ Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ♪
♪ Oui, Oui ♪
♪ Careful that you do not be tearing the sheets ♪
(audience screaming and clapping)
♪ I need to get them a larger amount ♪
♪ You'll be tearing through ♪
♪ Even though a high thread count ♪
♪ You idiot yes you ripped it from Egypt ♪
♪ Carting it off on bull's back ♪
♪ Cause we need it ♪
♪ To change the accent ♪
♪ I'm frozen spraying champagne ♪
♪ Like I'm on the podium ♪
♪ Call me Max Verstappen ♪
(audience cheering)
♪ Or Lewis Hamilton ♪
♪ I'm not a fan of Verstappen ♪
♪ I'd be fucking out-rapping him ♪
♪ He's winning all of the things in Suzuka ♪
♪ That's the Japanese race tomorrow ♪
♪ I'll give some truth there ♪
♪ Standing on the number one ♪
♪ Two is slightly lower ♪
♪ And number three, they shake the champagne ♪
♪ The bottles blow ♪
♪ They're spraying all around ♪
♪ It's very exciting ♪
♪ They hang out the flags ♪
♪ They play all the little national anthems ♪
♪ And now I turn to my right ♪
♪ Best of men with the largest right arm ♪
♪ You could be my friend ♪
♪ Come over here, stand with me ♪
(audience cheering)
♪ Come on up here be the lumberjack daddy ♪
♪ Take my hand ♪
♪ 'Cause you look slightly drunk ♪
♪ Oh your palms are sweaty ♪
♪ Such a handsome hunk ♪
♪ I'm just doing this ♪
♪ I'm like we're having a ball ♪
♪ You might be girthy ♪
♪ But actually I'm slightly more tall ♪
♪ And how is the side of your feet go ♪
♪ If you take 'em to bed ♪
♪ When you get home ♪
♪ Do you give them a clip ♪
♪ And then you gimme that grin ♪
♪ Under the mustache ♪
♪ Long toenails of keratin ♪
♪ Let's look at this ring ♪ (audience cheering)
♪ It's ever so nice I quiz it ♪
♪ It's quite expensive ♪
♪ Looking just like a signet ♪
♪ I know you kicked ass ♪
♪ Wear the ring of your class ♪
♪ That's a lumberjack daddy ♪
♪ With a lovely mustache ♪
(audience cheering and clapping)