- We used to terrorize people at school
and there was one time we beat up this girl really bad.
It was just a cry for attention, you know?
With my mom.
(soft music)
(lighter clicking)
I was 13 years old and when I initially started
hanging out with my gang member friends,
you wanna say my homies, you don't think that
they're bad people, you think they're (bleep) cool
because they were, you know?
We were the people getting in trouble
and it was fun, you know?
I had a lot of fun back then, but like,
do I regret some of the things I did with people, yeah.
(soft music)
My mom worked a lot when we were little,
and she left me home with my brothers.
Even better, I got to have house parties,
come home whenever I wanted.
Mom was never around.
And I'm not saying that my mom was a bad mom
'cause my mom was the best mom
that she could be at the time.
I love my mom to death and my mom is being the mom
that I can't be right now.
The first time I lost my kids,
I was with my youngest son's dad.
I was really, really heavily into meth.
Just newly into this relationship and,
he went to the store to go steal candy bars,
two big boxes of candy bars in my vehicle.
They follow him out to the car, the car doesn't start,
so he leaves my car there and of course they take
the plate number down and the cops show up at my house
a few hours later and long story short,
there's paraphernalia in the home.
I get arrested for child endangerment.
My children get detained.
I went through hell and high water to get my kids back.
I ended up getting my kids back
and I got everything I wanted.
I screwed it up again.
I stayed in that relationship and I continued
to get abused.
And I lost my children because of it.
And then at that point in time, I was literally going
to jail every month.
Nobody was there, literally, nobody was there but my mom.
You say these people are your homies
and they're gonna die for you,
but they can't even write you a letter
or club money on your boots.
Like hey how you doin', come visit you, you know, nothing.
That's what I don't understand.
There wasn't really a process for me.
Like I said, I just kinda faded away.
I just disappeared, you know what I mean?
And I feel like a lot of people kinda do that.
But there's a lot of people that go out the hard way.
I've never seen it happen but I've heard of it happening.
(soft music)
I was in a sober living, I just got my other kids back,
I needed a job.
Two, three interviews and think I'm hired
and then they'll run my record and it's over.
I won't get a call back.
It's discouraging, you know?
I already knew what it was.
I just got out of jail not that long ago.
It makes you feel like a piece of (bleep).
What can you do, your record's right there
for everybody to read and you can't really lie about it.
All you can do is explain yourself,
like, "Hey, I'm trying to be a better person,"
but they don't really wanna hear that,
all they see is what's black and white.
I had to be an example to my brothers,
and I ended up being the example of what not to be.
I was the only one out of all my mom's kids
that didn't graduate high school.
I was the only one out of all my mom's kids
to get arrested and have a record like I did
to get all my kids taken away from me,
to, you know, just end up the way I did,
and to end up getting involved in gangs
and constantly be incarcerated, go to rehab.
It's not nothing I'm proud of,
but all I can do is just be a better person today.
Just be somebody that she would want me to be.
I know for a fact that people that are trying
to leave gangs or trying to get clean
are just looking for that one chance
to make an honest living or do something positive
with their life and they're not getting it.
All they see is what's on black and white
and what's on their record.
Oh you have a felony or you have a misdemeanor.
No, you're just a criminal.
And you go to places like Homeboy
and you're not the worst thing that you've ever done.
(mumbles) Gang intervention program.
It's for previously incarcerated men and women
that just get out of prison or jail,
try to help them to see a different way of life
and help them be rehabilitated.
Homeboy Industries means family to me.
It is family to me.
It means a second chance to me.
I've gotten an amazing job at a money manager firm.
Everybody in that firm knows everything about me
and still encourages me to win.
It's just an awesome feeling is just to be accepted
and in an industry like that, you know,
like corporate America and people see the taxes
and they don't even trip on it, you know?
Yeah.
Mhm.
And I still do at times.
(soft music)
If I can go back and tell myself at my lowest point
(sighs) something encouraging.
I've had some really, really dark moments.
I remember there were even points to where
I didn't wanna be around but I was like too scared
to even kill myself, you know?
Hold on tight, you know, and be patient with myself,
'cause I can be very difficult (chuckles).
But patience has always helped me through.
♪ I can't wait to fall asleep ♪
♪ Eyes are heavy, breath is deep ♪
♪ All is quiet in the street ♪
♪ Leave the worries that I keep ♪
♪ I'll be tree man ♪
♪ I'll be tree man tonight ♪
♪ I'll be tree man ♪
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- That was my part.