- THIS IS SHOW BUSINESS TALK RIGHT HERE.
OVER THE YEARS, I'VE SHOWN YOU A LOT OF SCENES
FROM DIFFERENT MOVIES THAT I'VE BEEN CUT OUT OF.
AND...
WHAT HAPPENS IS, I GET CAST AND I SHOW UP,
AND I WORK, YOU KNOW, LIKE A PROFESSIONAL.
I LEARN MY LINES, AND I, YOU KNOW, REALLY PREPARE THE SCENES.
AND FOR SOME STUPID REASON, THE PART GETS CUT.
UNTIL NOW.
SO, THE "50 SHADES OF GREY" MOVIE IS COMING OUT NEXT YEAR.
[audience cheering]
AND I AM SO HAPPY AND PROUD TO SAY,
I GOT THE LEAD ROLE AND I AM DEFINITELY GONNA BE
THE LEAD IN THE MOVIE.
THEY'RE ACTING LIKE IT'S DAKOTA JOHNSON.
IT'S NOT. IT'S ME.
[audience cheering]
BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS THEIR WAY AROUND A WHIP MORE THAN ME.
THAT'S...
[audience cheering]
SO THEY JUST RELEASED THE TRAILER.
I'M SO PROUD TO SHARE IT.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME ANYONE'S SEEN IT, AND I'M...
I MEAN, I'M STARRING IN "50 SHADES OF GREY."
I'M SO HAPPY.
SOME OF MY BEST WORK. PLEASE ENJOY.
[dark music]
- MR. GREY WILL SEE YOU NOW.
- I HAVE A NATURAL INSTINCT FOR WHAT MAKES A PERSON TIC.
I'D LIKE TO SEE YOUR FACE.
[audience laughing and cheering]
- I'D LIKE YOU TO SEE MY FACE.
- GIVES ME SOME CLUE WHAT YOU MIGHT BE THINKING.
- WHAT I'M THINKING?
UM... HMM.
WELL, I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW FUN IT IS
TO GET PEARS AROUND CHRISTMASTIME
AND HOW EACH ONE OF THEM IS INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED IN FOIL
AND HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE, LIKE LITTLE PRESENTS.
CAN YOU IMAGINE IF ALL FRUIT WAS LIKE THAT?
I MEAN, CHERRIES OR BLUEBERRIES OR RASPBERRIES.
AND EACH ONE OF THEM, YOU'D HAVE TO UNWRAP,
BUT IT WOULD BE A PRESENT.
THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.
- I'M NOT THE MAN FOR YOU.
- OH. OH, YOU'VE HEARD THE RUMORS?
WELL, DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU HEAR.
[audience laughing]
[Beyonce singing] - MY HEART IT LULLS
[singing] GHOST IN THE SHEETS
- MA-OOGA!
[audience laughing]
THERE SOMETHING ON MY LIP?
I FEEL SOMETHING ON MY LIP.
IS THERE SOMETHING THERE?
UH.
OH.
IT WAS POPCORN.
IT'S OKAY.
[playing piano]
[clears throat]
[singing] OH-OH HERE SHE COMES
[singing] WATCH OUT BOY
[singing] SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP
[singing] OH-OH HERE SHE COMES
[singing] SHE'S A MAN-EATER
RAWR.
[singing] SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP
RAWR.
- MY TASTES ARE VERY SINGULAR.
- THIS IS SO "PRETTY WOMAN."
[intense music]
OH, HELL NO.
[audience laughing and cheering]
I'VE BEEN PROMISED THEY ARE NOT GONNA RECAST.
GO TO ELLENTUBE IF YOU WANT TO SEE
THE OUTTAKES FROM THAT TRAILER.
UH-OH. DID YOU WANT TO SEE MORE VIDEOS?
HOLD ON.
I HAVE TO TELL YOU.
WE'RE NOT GONNA BE DOING CLASSIC JOKE WEDNESDAY.
- OH, I'M...I'M...I'M SO MAD.
- YOU'RE MAD?
HOW MAD ARE YOU?
- I'M THIS MAD.
[audience cheers]