Hello Brains!
I actually forgot to record an intro for the vlog that you're about to see
and instead of beating myself up about it, I am accepting
that it... it didn't happen, and recording it now.
Uh... So there's a concept that I love called "growth mindset"
that I'm kind of obsessed with right now.
So, I talked to some ADHD experts and
sat down an recorded some thoughts.
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Before I jump into this, I wanna talk quickly about our sponsor --
BetterHelp
BetterHelp is an online counseling platform that connects you
with a licensed therapist that matches your individual needs.
You can communicate through text and, if you want, video.
I used BetterHelp a few years ago and I really liked the anonymity of it.
I found it easier to talk openly about difficult topics through text
than I had during in-person therapy appointments in the past.
Especially since I have anxiety issues as well.
And I think knowing it was easy to change therapists if I needed to
made it easier to be honest about how I was doing
and what I needed from my therapist
instead of trying to people-please.
It was great for me to get that practice because,
when I was ready to go back to in-person therapy,
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and feelings with a therapist, so it wasn't as scary.
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so you can work on your personal growth when it works for you.
It's not a crisis line, by the way, it is actual therapy.
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In the meantime... Back to the vlog.
So there's this really popular concept right now
called "growth mindset" vs. "fixed mindset"
and the difference is basically, "fixed mindset" is
"This is the way that I am and
that's just the way that I am and it's not gonna change"
versus, a "growth mindset" is
"I CAN change, I can grow, I can improve, my effort matters."
A lot of us tend to have a combination of growth and fixed mindset,
maybe there are some things where we think that we can grow and improve,
and other things where we do think we're kind of static.
That's just how we are, that's how it is,
and there's really not anything that we can do about it.
But how do we practice self-acceptance
without then essentially giving up on ourselves
and saying like, "You know, this is just something I suck at.
Like, I'm just not good at this and I'm never gonna be good at this"
and... like, why try.
We wanna take account of where we are
and accept that is where we are
in terms of what our capability is right now.
But we also wanna occasionally test that.
Test those limits. Are those limits still where...
where they used to be? Because, maybe not.
I guess, a good example is like, my house will always be messy.
Like, I am a messy person, I am really disorganized,
when I walk into a room like, I... whatever I'm carrying is suddenly...
all over the room like, I just kind of... explode.
But... I do have the resources now that I could hire... help.
I can... go into the curiosity like, maybe there's an app
that can help me remember what to do when
and I can do some of it myself.
Maybe I can hire help for the things that ARE too much for me right now.
I can test that limit every once in a while, I can test it to see
if maybe I HAVE learned a few more strategies,
or I HAVE gotten to the point where...
I CAN generate enough interest in this thing, that I CAN pursue it.
One of the things that I'm doing right now is... with playing piano.
I... I had a fixed mindset about this when I was in third grade
and I quit piano lessons where like,
"my hands are too small, I'm never gonna be good."
Like, I'm just gonna be bad at piano so I might as well not even try.
And that's really what it is, like, we don't wanna have that mindset of like,
"why even try". The reason we wanna keep trying is
because our limits can change.
We can grow past them to a certain extent.
And... and they can expand, our limits can expand but they can also contract.
Like when I was going through grief because my Mom passed,
my ADHD symptoms were WAY worse, I was WAY more impaired.
And so it can be helpful to test then too like,
not assume I'm gonna be at the same level that I used to be at
because... the situations change and I... I... Right now,
I'm dealing with grief on top of COVID, on top of ADHD,
on top of... I just moved to a new city.
That's... that's a lot for anybody to deal with,
so my limits had changed.
But now that my situation's changed, those limits maybe changed as well.
One of the things that I really wanna let go of in terms of fixed mindset
is the labels that I picked up.
Of messy, flakey, unreliable, irresponsible.
These are all fixed mindset labels but they're labels
that I did internalize and I want to start letting go of.
I wanna start being curious and... and testing like...
Am... am I unreliable? 'Cause I do have this belief about myself
and I know that that comes from my ADHD challenges.
But is it still true?
I have found it incredibly valuable and validating over the last five years
to understand that the things that I thought were just moral failings
or me not being a good person somehow were actually ADHD impairments.
Measurable ADHD struggles.
And, having that acceptance was really, really powerful.
But it's easy to live there.
It's easy to think,
"Okay, then... this is just how I am and people just have to accept it.
Just accept me for me and accept that I'm gonna be the kind of person
who shows up late to... coffee. And I'm gonna have a messy house,
and I'm gonna... you know... probably lose my job
because I didn't... turn things in on time or...
procrastinated or whatever it is."
Because, while we do wanna accept where we're at,
we don't necessarily want to accept that we have to stay there.
It's not that that's wrong, but it can limit us in terms of
what we wanna accomplish in the world,
or what kind of life we wanna build for ourselves.
I would LIKE to have a house that I can look around and
not be visually overwhelmed with all the stimuli that I'm getting.
So I do wanna test that, I do wanna test that belief,
that limiting belief that I had about myself my whole life,
that this is just how I am, that I'm just messy.
I don't have to accept that that just means I will never be good at this,
or that I will never be able to do this thing.
And I think it's important to recognize our effort matters.
And I think by, every once in a while, testing if our limits are still where they used to be,
we can keep ourselves from unnecessarily limiting ourselves.
I guess that's it. Just... I encourage you to accept where you're at
but also, every once in a while, get curious about it.
Am I still there? Or am I somewhere else now?
If you wanna learn more about growth mindset,
I linked to some resources in the description below.
I also would be really curious about your own experience with this
'cause it is kinda tricky, right?
And thank you to my Brain Advocates and all my Patreon Brains
for allowing me to test my limits and try new things.
Try new content that I wasn't capable of doing before and... maybe I am now.
Like, subscribe, click all the things, and I will see you next video!
Bye Brains!
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