(upbeat music)
- [Amanda] Hey Psych2Goers,
welcome back to another video.
Thank you all so much for the love
and support that you've given us,
enabling us to make yet another exploration
into everyday psychology.
So let's begin.
Do you often play the blame game with yourself?
Is shame your constant companion?
Shame can be an isolating and lonely experience.
Carrying shame deep down can affect you in many harmful ways
and often hold you back from your true potential.
Feeling ashamed is the most common trigger
for blaming yourself.
But do you recall the remedy Uncle Iroh recommended for it
in "Avatar: The Last Airbender?"
More on that later.
Blaming yourself holds you back from your true potential.
Yet more often than not,
you end up carrying blames that aren't yours to carry.
Here are nine things you shouldn't be ashamed of.
One, a failure.
Are you constantly pressured to achieve your goals
in the workplace, school and many other environments?
Do you feel like the end result is all that matters,
and if you don't achieve the goal, you failed?
This perceived failure can make you feel ashamed and hurt.
But the end goal isn't the only thing that matters.
Just because you might not have reached the goal
of getting 100 on a test or a big promotion,
doesn't mean you're a failure.
Whatever the reason, you still worked hard,
tried your best and made good progress.
After all the experience you gained is just as
if not more important than the end goal itself.
Number two, a rejection.
Did you ever have to face a workplace or romantic rejection?
Did you find yourself asking what did I do wrong
or was I not good enough?
Being rejected is almost always a hard experience.
It can make you feel unworthy and undeserving
of someone or something.
But rejection isn't your fault in a lot of ways.
There are outside factors involved.
Such as someone else's feelings
or other applicants that have gotten nothing to do with you.
When it comes down to it, blaming your own self
for someone else's decision, just doesn't make sense.
Putting yourself out there takes a lot of courage
and is an accomplishment in and of itself to be proud of.
Number three, not living up to the standards of others.
Is fulfilling family expectations a mantra of yours?
Do you strive to live up to the many standards out there
from family and friends to media and society?
Having to fulfill everyone's ideals and expectations
can make you feel pressured.
Especially when you don't agree with them.
You are not to blame for standing up
for what you want for yourself
whether it goes against a family member
or other influences' standards.
Life should be lived the way you want to
because after all, your life is yours and yours alone.
Or as goes nowadays, yolo!
Number four, something out of your control
including a conditioned response from early life.
When bad situations happen, do you end up asking yourself
what could I have done better?
Or what if I did something differently?
Some aspects of life are simply uncontrollable
and unpredictable.
Situations such as parents splitting up,
a loss of a loved one, or an accident are no one's fault.
And this also includes any childhood trauma
you may have experienced.
You can't change your past events or how other people,
including your parents treated you.
Those events and their actions and behaviors
aren't your fault.
You don't have to feel ashamed of yourself
for something that you had no part in causing.
Number five, stigmas and prejudices of others.
Do you fear stigmatization?
Are you wary of prejudice?
There are so many things society has stigmatized
for no valid reason.
One huge thing society has a prejudice against
is mental health issues.
Even nowadays, you might feel
like having a mental health issue is disgraceful
or a sign that you're broken,
but that's not the case at all.
There is nothing to be ashamed of if you have depression,
anxiety or any other mental health issue.
Many people have them
and are coping with them every day of their lives.
So you are not alone.
Belonging to what society stigmatizes
or is prejudist against is not a reason for shame.
It's their opinion versus your fact.
More power to you.
Number six, your feelings.
Are your reactions spontaneous?
Do you feel everything that goes on around you
at a much deeper level than others?
Emotions are part of us
that oftentimes we have no control over.
You can't control whether you feel sad,
or if something makes you angry.
There's no you should or shouldn't feel this or that,
because every single emotion you have is valid.
Your emotions want you to embrace them
rather than be ashamed due to them.
Responding appropriately to your emotions
is a much better idea than blaming yourself for having them.
Number seven, putting yourself first.
Are you a workaholic?
Do you feel like taking a break isn't an option?
We live in a society that puts a lot of emphasis
on being productive and hardworking,
which can be a good thing some of the time.
But overworking yourself and your mental health
can be hazardous.
There is no shame in needing a break
for the good of your mental health.
It's not selfish, rather it's wise.
This includes taking a break from work, school,
or a particularly stressful hobby or activity.
Taking care of yourself is healthy, important, and normal.
Not embarrassing, weak, incompetent, or lazy.
So work that self-care routine of yours.
You totally deserve it.
Number eight, saying no.
Are you under a lot of pressure to break away
from your comfort zone?
Is it in pursuit of discovering a side of yourself
you never knew existed?
But ultimately, your comfort is just as
if not more important.
Some people push you too far or too fast
which can be scary.
And sometimes it might feel like saying no, isn't an option
because you don't wanna disappoint anyone
or seem closed-minded.
But if you're not comfortable with someone,
or you're not comfortable doing something,
there is no reason to be ashamed to say so.
They need to respect your comfort levels and you as a whole.
And number nine, needing help.
Do you shy away from asking for help?
Does it make you feel exposed, vulnerable?
There aren't many people who are completely comfortable
with getting help from others.
Reasons range from privacy to fear of becoming a burden.
So you prefer handling your matters yourself.
However, no one expects you to do everything alone
and it's not healthy to try to do everything yourself.
Needing help is a good thing.
It's a part of accepting that you
like everyone else on earth, aren't perfect.
And that's okay.
Do you feel a little more reassured
after watching this video?
It can be a healing experience
to hear that you don't need to feel ashamed after all.
Because like Uncle Iroh, the Great Dragon of the West said,
"True humility is the only antidote to shame."
If you found this video insightful,
be sure to hit the like button
and share it with someone who might be dealing
with this as well.
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Thanks for watching, and we'll see you in the next one.