(pensive music)
- Ah (groans).
God!
Ow!
Fuck!
(groans)
- Uh oh.
- Not now.
- Is Julie hungry?
- I said not now.
- Because if you are, I got,
I got a half 'ag of beat,
(slurs unintelligibly) M&Ms.
Half 'aten bag of M&Ms.
Turns out I don't like raisins.
- I don't think M&Ms have raisins.
- Oh.
Oh yeah, you know what?
It's just a bag of raisins.
Do you still want it?
- No, I don't, I just...
Oof, I'm just pissed.
- Okay? - And frustrated.
- Okay. - (sighs) And tired.
- Okay.
- That, that's it.
- Well, it could be worse, you could be hungry.
You know, if that's the case, I got the M&Ms, don't forget.
- Yes, thank you.
- So what's all this about?
- Well, I...
You know what?
I'm done with men, that's it, that's what it is.
- Oh.
- Yep, I'm, all the, I'm done with all of them.
I'm exhausted and I don't wanna do it anymore.
- All men?
- Yep.
- All is, even your dad?
- Obviously no, obviously not my dad.
But I also wouldn't date my dad, so...
- Why did you make it weird?
- I didn't make it, you brought him up.
- I, well I personally find him very attractive.
- Don't do that.
- So all men, so even the guy who shovels your driveway,
lives across the street?
- Fred? - Yep.
- No, Fred is fantastic, no.
He's also not a relationship contender.
- What about the guy at Subway that remembers your order?
- No, not him.
It's all guys that are in my realm
of who I might date in my age range, it's all them!
It's all of them!
- Well they probably don't want to date you either.
- Yes that's, thank you, yep that's part of the problem.
- Can't blame 'em. - Wow.
- Okay, so let me, so let's go back.
Let me get this straight,
so every man, not your dad, not Fred, not Subway guy,
they're all the same, is what you're saying.
And they all suck.
- Well, yeah, it's like all they do is send mixed,
confusing messages, you know.
It's like, are you into me or are you not into me?
And then some will be interested in me but it's like,
they're also seeing other people or it's like,
"Oh no, sorry, I'm going through something right now,"
or, "I just got out of a relationship
"so I'm not really looking for anything right now."
And I tell you, it's exhausting.
- Wow.
You know, I tuned out for half of that
and I'm still exhausted, sounds terrible.
- Well yeah, it is, so...
- And you're doing the opposite.
- What?
- Well, you're only sending very clear messages
and being straight forward with what you want
and you only date one person at one time and you cut
a relationsh' off the minute you're not interested
and you only date when you're emotionally available.
- Uh...
Yeah!
Well, um.
But, you know, it's a game of odds, right?
So you want to be able to, you wanna have, kinda multiple...
But then also, when I was back there,
I was out of a relationship, you know I wasn't lookin',
but now I'm looking for something, so, so...
- How many fingers am I holdin' up?
- Two? - No, it's a,
do a different word for that.
- (stammers) A pair?
- Well no, different.
- A couple? - No.
- I dunno, like double?
- Double, exactly.
- Okay, why double?
- For your standards, that's your favorite.
Double standards.
- (sighs) Okay, so I'm not allowed to be exhausted by this?
- No, you are definitely,
and I think you should take a break.
Have you tried having a Kit Kat?
- But?
- Well, it's just that you're kinda being
a little bit hypocritical because, you know,
you can't write off the whole gender
when you're just as bad.
You look like the bad guy, you know what I mean?
- Oh.
It's like maybe you're getting
out everything you put into it, I dunno.
Who am I to say?
- Yeah I could probably change my approach.
- I mean, you might still be single forever regardless.
TBH, I got a bit of an over/under on it.
- So what do I do?
- (inhales) Ooh, you got any special skills?
- No. - No, that's all I got.
- The worst, you're the worst.
- Look, you can't be so, put so much pressure on.
Take a break, take a breather (burps),
stand back, and then going forward
just be more clear about what you want.
You've gotta lotta time,
life is long and you have a lotta time
to find a partner to spend it with.
- Thanks.
- Or not, you know? - Great.
- Do you want an M&M?
- They're, it's raisins. - These are...
(quirky music)