- Hot tubs aren't really my thing.
- What is your thing then?
- Complex female characters.
(upbeat rock music)
Tell anyone and I'll maim you.
Fuck off, snowflake.
- Ah! - Hey, piss flaps.
- Hey, Maeve, you look fierce.
- You look like a Wotsit.
Say that again.
- Nice--
(thudding blow) Uh!
Your buttons are done up wrong.
- It's a new look,
it's like an encore, but with buttons done up wrong.
- How fabulous.
Don't be late.
- I said stop staring at it!
- Sorry, it's like a third leg.
What are you waiting for?
No. - Sorry, sorry.
- Why are your arms so freakishly long?
- Ta'ra, lad.
- See you later, pet.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
- Kelly Clarkson, "Poets!"
- [Maeve and Otis] Nietzsche.
- What do you think Woolf meant
by the history of men's opposition to women's emancipation
is more interesting perhaps
than the story of that emancipation itself?
- That men are dicks
and selective castration is their only hope.
You know in rom-coms when the guy finally realizes
he's in love with a girl
and he turns up with a boombox outside her house
blasting her favorite song
and everyone in the audience squibs,
yeah, that makes me sick.
What about me says school dance?
- Don't you wanna live happily ever after?
- Please, do I look like I have a Cinderella complex?
- Maybe we could go on a date sometimes?
- [Maeve] You wanted to keep this a secret then
and now you wanna go on a date, do you?
- Yeah, yeah, I do.
- That's me getting a wig.
- Maeve Wiley,
this is for you.
♪ Baby, love really hurts without you ♪
- [Boy] Go on, Jackson.
- Will you please be my girlfriend?
- Dickhead.
(cheering)
- We've made sushi.
Ooh, and I've just realized it's got shellfish in,
you're not allergic, are you?
- Yeah, I'll die.
Just kidding.
- Oh!
- Have you considered the possibility of adoption?
- I don't think anyone would want a pregnant 17-year old.
- Maeve, hi!
Why are we in an abortion clinic?
(light melancholic music)
Oh!
- He looks sweet.
Don't really seem like your type though.
- He's not.
- A little bit of advice, lovey,
if you want a happy life, you keep the sweet ones around.
- Don't need a Mum, thanks.
- Okay, Einstein.
Just take my bloody hand.
(sighing)
Not as tough as you look.
- It's been a shitty day.
- Hi.
- You waited?
- Of course.
- Are those flowers for me?
- Yeah,
it seems a bit inappropriate now.
- No, no, I like them,
nothing says Happy Abortion like a bouquet.
- You really think so?
Woo!
What did you do,
what the hell?
- You look like the Cookie Monster.
You're compellingly odd, Milburn.
Dropped something? - No.
- No, why are you ogling the ground then?
- I'm not. - You are.
It's unsettling.
Speaking as a longtime member
of the Moredale Social Pariah Club, you'll survive.
Do you know how long I've been called cock biter?
Four years, do you know how it started?
Simon tried to kiss me at Claire Tyler's 14th birthday,
I said no, so he told everyone I'd given him a blowjob
and bitten his dick and that was it.
This kind of thing sticks.
You don't know how lucky you are,
she gets up every morning to take you swimming,
she goes to all your races, she cries when you lose.
- Yeah, why-- - Yeah, she shows you
every day that she loves you, what's the problem?
It might be annoying, but at least she cares.
- I really liked your essay. - You haven't read my essay.
- No, but I did hear it.
It's very bleak. - Depends on your perspective.
- Only you could turn the topic of dreams
into existential angst.
- Pessimists outlive optimists.
- I'm so sorry that I hurt you,
you saw something in me when no one else did.
I'm a virgin. - What?
- I, I'm a virgin and I thought you should know that I am.
- Yeah, that's totally cool, no judgment.
- Cool. - I'm dumping you for her.
- She's a slag. - Yeah, you're right,
but so am I.
- I'm not a slag. - Neither, just sounded good.
- Please tell us why you should stay at this school.
- I'm really smart, sir,
I'd read all of Jane Austen by the time I was 12
including her lesser known work, "Lady Susan,"
which is a severely underrated piece of feminist literature.
I can also gauge the depths of Mr. Hendricks'
personal despair based on his choice of Hawaiian shirt.
I'm really smart.
I just got unlucky in the family department.
- But you do have a dress, right?
- Yeah, yeah, of course, I'm not a troglodyte.
(upbeat rock music)
Shit.
You tell anyone about this, I'll kill you.
I have a hatchet and I know a good place
to hide a body, okay.