- Do you make decisions with your heart
or do you make decisions with your head
and how the hell do you know?
(upbeat music)
So this next question from Emily
is a really, really great one
for those of you that are struggling with making a decision
and it's a question about
how do you know when you're listening to your heart
or you're listening to your head?
How do you know, what fear is real in other words
and so she writes, "I totally get how it is so important
"to listen to your inner wisdom
"and stop the inner chatter of self-doubt,
"but what happens, Mel, when the internal war
"is between what your heart feels
"and what your brain thinks"
and your inner wisdom is telling you?
And so this is a question
about do you make decisions with your heart
or do you make decisions with your head
and how the hell do you know?
How do you know?
In fact, I was just talking with my creative director
and she was sharing with me that a friend of hers
is going through this terrible thing right now.
It's not terrible, it's just what happens in life
where she knows that the relationship
that she's in isn't right.
They get along really well, things are really easy
but in her heart, she knows it just isn't right.
Those are the kinds of decisions
that are really difficult to make
and so it gets to the heart of Emily's question
which is how do I know whether to make a decision
with my head or a decision with my heart?
I'm the kind of person that believes
you should always make decisions with your heart and soul.
You can use your brain for math.
You can use your brain to look at
the fine print in a contract
but when it comes to the actual feel of the decision,
you always wanna go inward
and check it against your heart and soul.
How do you do that?
Here's the simple test.
Does the decision that you're about to make
expand you, expand your future
or expand the possibilities of your life?
If the answer is yes then the decision is yes
no matter how terrifying it is.
If you conversely look at the choice that you have to make
and the decision will shrink you,
will silence you, will inhibit you in some way
then the answer is no.
No matter how easy the decision is,
no matter how safe the decision is,
the answer is no.
Now, one of the things I wanna point out
that when you start to use this,
does it expand or does it shrink me,
does it open possibilities or does it keep things closed,
does it raise my voice or does it silence me, right,
is that there's always a short-term
and a long-term impact to the decision.
The short-term impact to making an expansive decision,
a decision that's based in your heart and your soul,
sometimes it's terrifying because sometimes it means moving
or it means changing a job or changing a relationship
or having a difficult conversation or starting something new
and those sorts of things are always uncomfortable.
So brace for impact, put the force fields up
but make the decision anyway
because the long-term impact
of making a decision from your heart and soul,
that is where the best life comes from
because you're living for what's true for you,
not what's safe in the moment.
I hope that helps and let me know how you use this
expanse versus shrink scale
in order to make decisions that you're facing right now
and don't forget, submit your questions
to us by using the hashtag AskMel.
(upbeat music)