You suck at cooking yeah, you totally suck.
There's a lot to like about carrots.
They're aerodynamic
They're hydrodynamic
They're ground dynamic
and they're a friend to plants and animals everywhere
They make a great first class lever
an excellent second class lever
but they're garbage as a third class lever
They're also one of the stabbiest vegetables on the planet
HUUAH!
Take that paper
HUUAH!
Take that wall
HUUAH!
take that you no good flimsy piece of tin...
Can... that... is really useful
The only other vegetable that's more dangerous is the parshiv.
Ow- ow-w!
Ahh yeah
*the sound of wind chimes* Carrots also have very unique acoustical properties
They're completely silent when blowing in the wind
Guess what else? You can eat these things.
So we're gonna take these and we're gonna put them in the water right?
*audience* WRONG!
And why aren't we gonna do that?
*audience* BECAUSE BAKING IS BETTER THAN BOILING
That's right, now you say it
Great, we're not putting them in hot water because we don't want to suck out a bunch of the nutrients and flavor, do we?
*audience* NO
Good! Now let's get this puppy warmed up
*audience* OK
*car engine sputtering*
Aw come on!
It's like every couple months, I gotta...
*sparks*
*engine starts*
Ondo's on 4 hundo (400°F / 200°C)
And it's silent because it's uh... electric
We're just gonna give these a quick rinse then wrap them in swaddling clothes and lay them in a pan
We're gonna drizzle some olive oil on the daggers and then some salt, a bit of Triple P and a little bit of honey,
don't go crazy!
the reason honey works so well on carrots is because carrots contain a little bit of sugar
so when you add an external sugar source it cancels out and then you end up with sugar free carrots
I'm pretty sure...
Don't forget to both cross wrassle and side wrassle to make sure they're evenly coated
maybe it'll be a little more comfortable if we put them in the sixty-n-- uh
The head to toe position
If you don't have these small carrots, and you only have the big-ass ones, there's an easy solution
Take them out to the barn
Grab your best carving knife
and whittle them down to the size God intended carrots to be
No bigger
No smaller
Just right
Walk the land
Check the trees
Think about Judy
Wonder what life would have been like had you been a better man
*exaggerated thud*
You can also just take a big ass carrot and smash it against the wall
and if you only have these super baby carrots you can
Compress them with your hands until you get one biblically correct size carrot
if you and another person are cooking honey roasted carrots in the same onion on the same day at the same time
just use your wood burner to make your carrots distinguishable with unique symbols
So I had these things in for 25 minutes. I'm just gonna check them with a fork
Well, I was gonna rassle them and get the other side charred, but these puppies are done
These ones turned out pretty good, too
Notice the variety of colors
*guitar fading in* Admire the sheen, feel the warmth, absorb the essence, be mystified by their very existence
Bask in the glory of the honey roasted carrot
*song begins* If you got a carrot then make sure to share it
you don't want to make your friend mad end up despairing
oh
when you see 'em comin' just shove 'em in the onion
get a hot stock cookin' till the honey is a-runnin'
if you got carrots your life has merit
if you're without, don't just grin and bear it
sneak up to the garden and try not to scare it
if you're quiet and you're lucky then you'll stare at all the carrots
Carrots are yum-
-my
inside your digestive system
you can eat them daily
but just once in a while it's all up to you!
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