when i started this channel seven years
ago it took me about a month to put
together every new video
it's funny because even back then i
couldn't produce videos fast enough to
keep up with the youtube algorithm the
more things change the more they stay
the same right now obviously research
and writing were a big hurdle in that
but the thing that took the most time
was editing
i had no idea what i was doing i was
using the base video editor that came
with my laptop at the time that had
absolutely zero functionality and
crashed literally every other day i
would lose just days worth of progress
to a crash a failed render whatever i
couldn't tell you a key frame from a
crop factor i was literally stop motion
editing frame by frame pixel by pixel to
get things moving across the screen no
exaggeration
thousands of photoshop files with things
just moved a pixel or two at a time the
long story short is that i wasn't very
good and i wasn't very fast
and i learned pretty early on that if i
wanted the channel to grow at all that i
needed to produce more videos faster
enter gaijin goomba and raniani edwards
two of my fellow creators who had
reached out for help earlier that year
goomba wanted to find more people to
watch his show gaijin gamer to which i
responded hey goomba no one really knows
or even understands how to spell gaijin
so
thus his show became game exchange
ronnie meanwhile reached out to me after
the third episode of game theory which
was on illusion of gaia just because he
was excited to talk to someone who was
equally passionate about such an obscure
snes title
what was supposed to be an hour-long
interview ended up lasting three hours
for this podcast that he had just
started
funny enough that was actually my first
ever interview as a youtuber
both guys were passionate about fusing
education with gaming just like i was
with game theory and i realized that the
three of us working together had a
better likelihood of helping us grow
than if we were all working separately
so i asked them to join the channel to
their credit they said yes they accepted
my offer with little more than a
handshake and a promise to deliver them
their ad revenue at the end of every
month
times were different on youtube back
then
so with that at a whopping 10 000
subscribers
game theory transformed into the game
theorists it became clear that ronnie
liked editing more than writing or
hosting and since like i mentioned i
sucked at editing he just focused most
of his time on editing for game theory
we called it the editing dungeon his
first episode was the cost of minecraft
diamond armor and i remember sitting
there watching the first draft of that
episode
and finally for the first time seeing
game theory in the way that i had always
envisioned it looking
his experience and skill with animation
and illustration was able to accomplish
things that in two years of working on
the series i had never been able to do
but finally game theory was looking the
way that i had always envisioned it
looking it was doing things that i had
wanted to do and just didn't have the
skill to execute on for the next five
years ronnie was our go-to editor a
silent hand behind a huge number of the
videos that you've seen on this channel
on film theory and all the other
theorist channels
that's why it shatters my heart to tell
you that on july 4th
ronnie was found dead
a victim of suicide
we found out two days later
we had been communicating about a
project that he was editing on he went
silent for a couple days and so we went
to his apartment to check up on him
only to be met with a coroner's notice
the next day stephanie and i were in the
hospital about to have our first baby
as you can imagine it was an emotional
weekend
and it's been an emotional roller
coaster ever since
i've been wanting to do this video or
say something for the last two weeks
but we wanted to hold off on a memorial
until we were able to contact his family
and get their permission to do it but
rodney had a really rocky relationship
with his family and so we've had no luck
and now with news slowly starting to get
out that something may be wrong we had
no choice
ronnie in all the years that i knew him
dealt with demons that only he could
understand
scars left by a childhood that he kept
under lock and key
over the years he would give me glimpses
as to what he had gone through but
i never had a complete picture
what i can say is that he did his best
to move on to strike out on his own to
move beyond the trauma of his past to
take his mental health into his own
hands and take his recovery seriously
one step at a time every single day that
past also gave him a personality that
was probably best described as an
acquired taste
he was incredibly sharp and incredibly
witty but he also had this ability to
cut through a person's facade in a way
that was sometimes hilarious and
sometimes a bit off-putting even after
years of working with him i would walk
away from some conversations questioning
whether i should be offended like his
sarcasm was so dry that there were times
where it's like was he joking or is he
mad at me should i be offended right now
it's hard to tell sometimes and it was
that same personality that
understandably sometimes got him into
trouble with people who weren't familiar
with that part of him who didn't
understand that that's the way he
processed the world that that was the
way he dealt with social situations that
he was a person with dark periods who
had a tendency to sometimes lash out
with anger
and to anyone who saw that side of him i
am sorry
it wasn't an easy side to deal with but
that wasn't ronnie
ronnie wasn't an arrogant person he was
just socially unsure he was unaware of
how his behaviors would be perceived by
others i'm sorry that so few of you got
to see the true ronnie ronnie as he
really was
the one who gave me a hug at the end of
our game lab episode together the one
who took pride in his obscure internet
trivia the one who relished in every new
dig that he would come up with for
gaijin goomba the one
the one who would be so
those moments were the true ronnie
when he was unburdened by his past when
sunlight would peek through all the
clouds it would take a lot of patience
to get there
a lot of long conversations and phone
calls but when he got there it was great
because you knew
that it was honest
and it was genuine
it was a person who was free
ronnie told me once in the early days of
the channel's history that it was his
goal for his animations to be recognized
and for him to be influential as an
artist
and if i were to tell him something
right now i would say you did it
that that he achieved that goal
that the game theory style
and anyone who has ever mimicked the
game theory style
or anyone who has ever had a show on
these channels
that was ronnie's style
he was the person who created that
over the years we've had a lot of
editors join the team because
lord knows it takes so long to make
these episodes
and more often than not they say that
they were inspired by ronnie and the
work that he had done on the show
so i hope that at some point deep down
he knew the impact that he had
and that he had achieved his goal
my one regret is that i never took the
opportunity to tell him how proud i was
of him
of how much he had evolved as an artist
of how sophisticated he had become in
his own voice and how elaborate his
animations had gotten
his work hasn't just had an impact here
on this channel
his work has had an impact on the
internet at large
and i hope
that he saw what we all here saw
that he was an incredibly talented
artist
from day one until the day that we lost
him i think it's just one of those
things that your mind gravitates towards
in these sorts of situations right
what you could have done what you could
have said
so i think it really merits mentioning
we're all
really busy every hour of every day
round the clock
but take the opportunity to tell people
what you think
how much you appreciate them how much
you love them how proud you are of them
even if that person is really weird in
the way that they take their compliments
like ronnie often was
it'll stick
it'll land
and that compliment will really mean a
lot anyway you slice it ronnie's loss is
a tragedy
any loss like this is a tragedy
he was my friend and he was the person
who worked on this channel
longer than anyone second only to
stephanie and i
but
i hope that through his tragic loss
there could be some good that comes out
of this that
this video and the conversations that
ensue in some way start to break down
the stigmas around talking about mental
health
social anxiety and suicide
first and most importantly remember
you are never alone
never even if it feels like you have no
one to talk to even if you're talking to
someone and it feels like they can't say
the right thing it's okay
it's about you not having to carry the
burden yourself
it's about you
not having to go through this alone
keep talking keep conversations open
because it is the single most important
thing in these sorts of situations it's
about you being able to give voice to
what's wrong to what you can only
experience without being judged
i know from doing fan meetups at events
like vidcon that a lot of you who watch
this channel go through these struggles
that you're dealing with social anxiety
with suicidal thoughts with depression
and what i often hear from you in those
stories is that this channel this
community has helped bring you through
the darkest of times the lowest of lows
a breakup a loss of a family member
whatever dark thoughts might be
circulating through your head and
that is the biggest honor for me to hear
that me nerding out in my closet somehow
gave you hope to continue on to know
that you weren't alone that your mind
processes things differently and that
that's okay
and that other people are out there just
like you
but i also recognize that this is a
battle that you have to fight every
single day
and it's a battle that you have to win
every single day
ronnie fought that battle for a lot of
days and he won for a lot of days
but it only takes one loss
so don't be ashamed to have your voice
be heard to share your story out there
with people who are ready and eager to
listen to it the theorist community is a
great place to start everyone here is so
thoughtful and supportive and loving and
caring that's the beauty of social video
in general that it unites people and at
a time when social video and social
media are constantly tearing each other
apart let's remember that it has
positive to offer to
that it can unite people
that it can give people who feel like
they have no one to listen to them
someone who is there
to listen
but also reach out in real life there
are countless numbers of services out
there available to help you suicide
hotlines websites therapists people who
are trained to help i'll include links
in the description but just do a google
search they are there
but most importantly of all remember
that you are important
that you are valued and that you are
loved by more people than you could ever
possibly think of
there's going to be a lot more to come
on this channel when it comes to
honoring ronnie's memory
look out for live streams that are going
to be dedicated for suicide prevention
charities
i know that trailer drake and gaijin
goomba and some of the other theorists
have things planned to honor ronnie's
memory
and in his memory check out his show
digressing and sidequesting
it was always one of my favorites
honor his memory by living
most importantly of all and talking
openly and honestly with each other
that's most important
i'll miss you buddy
i'll miss you and your lime green shirt
and vest that you wore to literally
every meeting that we had
like
it's like butter