A big thank you to Squarespace for being today’s sponsor and for helping me build my new website,
but more on that later.
I guess this is it then. The last time I’ll ever be here. The last time I’ll see these
walls, stand on this floor. Some great memories were created here, as well as some not so
great ones. Probably like 94 % great. I’d say that’s pretty damn good. So… what
is a proper goodbye? I don’t know. I’m grateful? Thanks? See ya? Except I won’t
see ya. I guess just… goodbye, then.
I guess there isn’t much to say except I’m grateful and… goodbye.
Think of how many people, things and places you’ve said goodbye to in your lifetime,
whether through a hug, a plane or a toss in the trash. There’s always a little pain
in goodbye’s, even if that pain is sometimes accompanied with relief and or excitement.
Have you ever thought about how many people, things and places you’ve said goodbye to
in your lifetime? Whether through a hug, a plane or a toss in the trash? I think there’s
always a little pain in goodbye’s, even if that pain is sometimes accompanied with
relief and or excitement.
I remember moving back to Sweden after having lived in the US for two years. I was on the
beach on that last day and it was really windy. I was just walking around, sitting in the
sand, observing. I guess I thought that I’d get a proper goodbye by just absorbing the
present moment with all my senses, one last time. And I guess I did, because I look back
on that one hour of my life with warmth.
I also think about the time I had to say goodbye to my small apartment when I was away at University.
I never liked that town really and I couldn’t wait to get back to the city. Yet, saying
goodbye wasn’t as easy as I had anticipated. I found myself pacing back and forth in my
studio, making sure I took it all in one last time. After all, it had been my first time
living alone and my very first step towards becoming a strong independent woman.
Just because we no longer enjoy something or it no longer serves us, it doesn’t mean
we should forget that there was once a time when that very thing might’ve been the only
thing we ever wanted. Prior to getting that apartment, I remember stressing and worrying,
going to bed every night hoping that in the morning, I would get the call that would say,
“the apartment is all yours!”. We tend to forget these things once we no longer have
any use of something, or someone.
See, we’re so good at being humble, show respect and appreciation when we want or need
something or someone. We do whatever it takes, we’re patient, we’re kind. But when it’s
time to move on, we often don’t show anywhere near the same amount of consideration.
Now, goodbye doesn’t always mean that it’s the last time. Technically, it isn’t always—I
could always return to the city where I went to Uni and I sure can return to the beach
in California, but it’s the last time of the way things are right there and then.
Now, I don’t think everyone needs or cares for proper goodbyes, however you choose to
define it. We’re all different and some people even avoid them at all costs. Perhaps
they hope or even expect that the things or people they want to distance themselves from
will just fade into the background and disappear.
Now, a goodbye is different than hanging on to something. A goodbye is not about difficulty
letting go or negating change. It’s about parting ways with gratitude, peace and grace.
But as we know, not all goodbyes bring that. There are a million things that prevent us
from getting the goodbye we had wished and hoped for sometimes. Sometimes, things just
end. People leave or they don’t show up, places close and things burn down.
But sometimes, what gets in the way is our own ego. We might let a thousand words be
left unsaid; a thousand deeds left undone.
It’s interesting how when we watch movies or read books, we are often rather forgiving
and patient with slow or even bad beginnings, but if the ending is bad, well… then the
whole movie sucked. We sometimes even say it was a waste of time, even if the rest of
the movie was good; because a bad ending ruins the entire experience and the memory we have
of it.
It’s human nature, we want stories to end well. Yet, when it comes to the most important
story of all, the one of our lives, it seems we don’t realize how important a good ending
can be.
There’s actually a psychological phenomenon called the peak-end rule created by Daniel
Kahneman, I highly recommend you read his book “thinking fast and slow” it’s one
of the greatest books I’ve read, I will leave the link for it in the description box
if you want to check it out.
In a nutshell, the peak-end rule is about how we form memories from our experiences,
and that the way we remember experiences is through the highs and lows aka what we’re
feeling at the most intense peaks, as well as at the end point. So, it seems that our
memories aren’t really an average of the experience as a whole, but rather, it’s
the ending—how we part—that has the most powerful effect on how an experience will
be recalled.
So, perhaps we should re-think our goodbyes.
But, how do we properly say goodbye? What does it even mean?
I think when we part ways, whether that’s with a friend, a partner, a move, or a new
job, perhaps we should really ask people more often “what type of goodbye would you like?”.
And perhaps we should ask ourselves that question, too. Ego and all other filters aside—at
my very core, how do I wish to part from this situation or this person? Are there some things
I need to say, are there some things I need to do, or do I just need to sit here in the
sand for a few moments and not say or do anything at all?
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