-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.
You're here. You made it. Thank you for watching.
What a show we have for you tonight.
Hailey Bieber is here tonight!
[ Cheers and applause ]
tWitch is here tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
We have music from Phoebe Bridgers.
[ Cheers and applause ]
From the new movie "Elvis" -- and let me tell you something.
This kid is unbelievable.
Put your money on this guy, man.
Oh, my gosh.
Austin Butler is here tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That is right.
Elvis is in the building tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Speaking of movies, everyone's talking about this today.
I don't know if you saw. It was all over the place.
Warner Bros. released the first picture of Ryan Gosling as Ken
in the upcoming "Barbie" movie.
This is real. Here's the picture.
This is real. Here he is.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's also what comes up when you Google
"sexy Guy Fieri Halloween costume."
Just saying. [ Laughter ]
Can we see it again?
Yeah. [ Laughter ]
It looks like Draco Malfoy if he went to Barry's Bootcamp.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, that's right. He's the total package.
Well, minus the package.
[ Laughter ]
It's Ken. It's Ken. It's a Ken joke.
Smooth.
-Let's get to some news here, everyone.
I read that Dr. Fauci has tested positive for COVID.
But luckily, he's only experiencing mild symptoms.
Yeah, yeah.
COVID must feel like it just reached
the final boss in a video game.
[ Laughter ] Like, "Yo, we did it.
We did it. We got -- We beat Fauci."
That's right. Dr. Fauci has COVID.
Right now, even he's reading the CDC guidelines like,
"Damn, these are confusing."
[ Laughter ]
"Isolate for five days then quarantine.
What do I do?" [ Laughter ]
Did you guys hear about this?
Amid a salmonella outbreak, the CDC has instructed people
not to kiss or snuggle their chickens.
[ Laughter ]
Although, if you're kissing and snuggling chickens,
I'm not sure salmonella is your biggest issue.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah. -Eggs.
-When the news broke, Dr. Fauci was like,
"Well, my day just keeps getting worse and worse."
[ Laughter ]
Well, get this. I heard that since taking office,
President Biden has seen his approval rating drop
the most among young voters.
Yeah, well, I think he's trying to win young voters back.
Check out this new ad the White House just released.
-What's up, fam? You know who's got you?
The only president who's straight up bussin'.
Joe Biden.
President B is clapping back on the haters with --
-Sensible bipartisan policies.
-We ain't trying to simp. We're just spilling the tea.
Because we've got BPE.
-Big president energy.
-So support Joe Biden today because our White House daddy
is about to go goblin mode on inflation.
[ Goat screams ]
-This ad was paid for by a group of 50-year-old men
who just found out about Urban Dictionary.
-There you go. It's doing very --
[ Cheers and applause ]
Goblin mode. -Yeah.
-Yeah. Hey, guys. I don't know if you heard this.
Molson Coors is pulling Coors Light and Keystone Light from
stores after a viral video showed cans
filled with a thick liquid.
[ Audience groans ]
Yeah, some stores returned them
while others just relabeled them Guinness.
[ Laughter ]
I don't know about you, but I like a beer
that you can eat with a honey dripper.
[ Laughter ]
Well, today, after 27 years,
Microsoft officially shut down Internet Explorer.
[ Audience awws ]
Yeah, you could tell it was getting old
'cause there were errors like this coming up.
First, "Error 404: can't find my glasses.
Oh, wait, they're on my head."
[ Laughter ]
Look at this error.
"Error: Internet Explorer stopped working.
Now it collect Civil War medallions."
[ Laughter ]
-Wow. -You can tell it's getting old.
Look at this. Finally, this error says,
"Error: Internet Explorer is busy buying
a reverse mortgage from Tom Selleck."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Maybe it's good that they shut it down.
Well, guys, I just saw a new design for airplane seats.
And I'm not sure how I feel about it.
Take a look at this.
-It's called double-decker seating.
This is the design.
It fits two levels of seats inside a normal airplane.
So your legs go straight out in front of you
with someone basically sitting above them.
[ Laughter ]
-COVID or not, if you're on the bottom,
you're going to want to wear a mask.
[ Laughter ] I just think -- I just think --
-Odor.
-It's going to be fun when the flight attendant's like,
"Tonight's in-flight snack is whatever the guy
above you is eating." [ Laughter ]
Cheez-Its. Cheez-Its.
And finally, I know a lot of people find math boring.
Well, that's why we've updated math to make the equations
about stuff that you can relate to.
It's time for "Popular Mathematics."
♪♪
-♪ Popular mathematics ♪
♪ Mathematics ♪
-Let's take a look at our first equation here.
If you take clogs plus a hole punch
equals Crocs.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Popular mathematics. -Very popular.
-So, if you take Bill Clinton plus nothing to do
plus a heat wave plus 100
equals the Billboard Hot 100.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Wow. Bill Bored. Hot 100.
-If you take The Penguin... -Right.
-...plus six pints of Guinness,
it equals the Boston Celtics mascot.
[ Laughter and applause ]
How about this one?
Here's a "kiss the chef" apron
plus a complaint to HR
equals "firm handshake the chef" apron.
[ Laughter and applause ]
If you take Cheetos plus Chachi...
-Uh-oh. -...plus chicken plus euphoria
it equals Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia.
[ Laughter and applause ]
And finally, if you take a Twinkie plus googly eyes
plus $4 billion,
it equals the Minions franchise.
There you have it. That's all the time we have
for "Popular Mathematics."