That's right, people.
Donald J. Trump, president of the United States,
is battling Covid-19.
And before I say anything else, can I just say on the record,
I do not want Donald Trump to die from this.
I mean, I don't wish death on anyone,
and especially not Donald Trump.
I don't want him to lose his life.
I want him to lose his election.
Also I don't want him to die
because then, Mike Pence would be president,
and then we might as well be dead
because Mike Pence is the most boring human being
on the planet!
He's the most boring version of Donald Trump.
All of the policies and none of the fun.
If Trump is cocaine, Mike Pence is just flour.
Your nose is still gonna burn, but nothing cool happens.
(snorts) Aah! Aah!
It tastes like bread.
I also don't want Trump to die
because the whole reason people chose Joe Biden is because
he has the best chance to beat Donald Trump.
If Trump wasn't in the race,
then people could have taken a chance with someone else.
Like, personally, I would have voted for Marianne Williamson,
because I do think America needs to realign its chakras.
Yes, I know I'm not allowed to vote,
but I'm still allowed to dream.
But while it's great that the president is doing better,
we still have to ask the question--
how did this happen and how did it get this bad?
Well, to be honest,
the way Trump has handled the country's coronavirus response
is unfortunately, also how he's handled this pandemic
in his personal life,
starting with his brazen disregard
for all the safety precautions
that keep the virus from spreading.
ANDERSON COOPER: Few masks, one very crowded Rose Garden.
The question-- was this a super-spreader event
that's led to the White House coronavirus crisis?
NEWSMAN 2: Last weekend's packed
and mostly maskless Rose Garden ceremony
for his Supreme Court pick
may have been a super-spreader event.
Those now infected include the president, First Lady,
former aide Kellyanne Conway,
former New Jersey governor Chris Christie,
who is hospitalized,
senators Mike Lee and Thom Tillis,
as well as the president of Notre Dame.
President Trump's senior aide Hope Hicks,
his campaign manager Bill Stepien
and personal assistant Nick Luna are also infected.
The White House press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany says
she tested positive for coronavirus this morning.
NEWSWOMAN: Senator Mike Lee seen on camera
hugging other attendees.
NEWSWOMAN 2: We have, uh, some images
of the indoor reception,
-and it's so striking. -NEWSWOMAN 3: Yeah.
And you'll see, um... And you see the little red dot?
That shows who subsequently tested positive.
So as you walk through them,
you start to see the mixing and mingling.
Yeah, turns out, while you've spent the last seven months
hugging your grandma through a giant condom,
Trump and his friends are having no-mask cocktail receptions
indoors where the guest of honor is Covid-19.
And now, at least 30 people
in Trump's circle have tested positive for Covid-19.
You realize that means
there's been more infections at the White House
over the last day than in New Zealand,
Vietnam, Taiwan, Thailand
and Australia combined.
The White House Rose Garden
is like the wet market of America right now.
Thank God Dr. Fauci doesn't have it.
He must be so relieved that Trump stuffed him
in a locker three months ago.
I mean, I don't care who you are, guys.
This story is insane.
Everyone, from Trump's campaign manager,
to Trump's press secretary, to Trump's friends
have been infected with coronavirus now.
It almost like the writers of 2020 didn't know how
to wrap the story up, so they were just like,
"Ah, and then they all get coronavirus. The end."
And look, I know, some people are saying
that this was karma catching up to Trump, but guys,
a massive outbreak at the White House is not karma.
It's consequences, all right?
It's not karma to get hit by lightning
when you're standing on the roof of a skyscraper
holding a metal rod while there's lightning.
The universe didn't do that shit to you.
You did that shit to yourself!
Now, it's bad enough
that Trump has put the entire White House in danger
before he knew there was a virus outbreak.
But what's even more disturbing is that after Trump found out
that he could have been exposed to the virus,
he didn't quarantine, he didn't social distance.
He carried on with his life
with complete disregard for other people's lives.
There is evidence of disregard
for the health and safety of others.
NEWSMAN 2: President Trump would have likely been contagious
for up to two days prior to his positive test.
That means anyone he had contact with
at Tuesday's debate
or Wednesday's rally in Minnesota could be at risk.
Contact tracing is under way this morning
for more than 200 people who may have been exposed
to the coronavirus at a New Jersey fundraiser
for President Trump last Friday.
The president traveled to the fundraiser,
despite the White House knowing before he left Washington
that a close aide had tested positive for the virus.
It would also be irresponsible, of course, for the president
to have been going to a rally in Minnesota on Wednesday night,
and then proceeding to a fundraiser
in Bedminster on Thursday.
I don't care what anyone says, man.
This is truly despicable.
Trump knew that he could be infected,
and he put his own supporters at risk anyway?
And I feel so bad for anyone who paid money
to attend this fundraiser,
because those people didn't want Covid.
They just wanted to give Trump enough money
so that he'd let them dump chemicals in a river.
Why should something bad happen to them?
And not only did Trump keep his exposure
to a coronavirus a secret from his donors, but get this.
The Trump campaign also never told the Biden campaign
about any of it,
even though they had just been debating a few feet apart
while Trump was likely contagious,
which, honestly, is surprising.
I thought that if anyone would know the protocol
for informing partners that you may have infected them,
it would be Donald J. Trump.
In fact, this is probably the first national security secret
that Trump has actually managed to keep a secret.
He won't tell you he might have Covid,
but brief him about a new weapons system,
and on Twitter, he'll be like,
"We got a new missile that's totally unstoppable,
"unless you know the secret code is
3-2-4-9-5 hash, hash, pound, pound, pound."
And if downplaying the virus was on brand for Trump,
well, so was what came next--
a blizzard of dubious medical information,
vague promises and self-serving lies.
The president's doctors and White House officials
have been giving confusing and conflicting information
about the president's condition all weekend.
NEWSWOMAN: On Saturday, White House doctor Sean Conley
repeatedly dodging questions
about whether the president was so sick he needed oxygen.
Yesterday and today, he was not on oxygen.
Thursday, no oxygen, none at this moment, yeah,
and yesterday, with the team,
uh, while we were all here, he was not on oxygen.
NEWSWOMAN: But now, Conley says
he did actually administer oxygen to the president
on Friday at the White House after his blood oxygen dropped.
I was trying to reflect the-the, uh... the upbeat attitude
that the team, the president,
that his course of illness has had.
Um, didn't want to give uh, any, uh, any information
that might, uh, steer the, uh, the course of illness
in another direction, um, and in doing so,
uh, you know, it came off,
uh, that we were trying to hide something,
which wasn't necessarily true.
NEWSMAN: Conley also caused confusion by suggesting
the president was initially diagnosed Wednesday.
The White House later claimed Conley misspoke.
And chief of staff Mark Meadows has also contradicted himself.
He has mild symptoms.
NEWSMAN: Saying that Friday,
and then admitting the very next day that, in fact,
the president's vital signs had been "very concerning,"
and, "We are still not on a clear path to a full recovery."
NEWSMAN 2: Do we have an accurate picture
of how the president is doing?
Well, the answer is "no."
I'm gonna be honest here.
I feel bad for this doctor.
Yeah, I know, I know.
Because, guys, in all his years at medical school,
the one thing he probably never learned
was how to bullshit an entire country.
Think about it, on one side you've got the public asking
for information on the president's health,
and on the other side you have your patient,
the president himself,
who wants you to go out and tell everyone
that he karate-chopped the virus until it died.
And once again, people, we're reminded,
it doesn't matter who you are--
if you come into contact with Donald Trump,
at some point you're gonna have to lie.
Doctors, national security advisors,
press secretaries, lawyers.
Yo, I pray that I'm never on a flight with Trump,
because that pilot will be out here lying like a muh (bleep).
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, we're landing as planned
in the, uh, middle of the ocean,
and I just want to thank President Trump personally
for opening the emergency door midflight
and letting in a nice, cool breeze.
So, right now, as it stands,
there's been so much deception from the White House
that even though Trump is leaving the hospital,
we just don't know
what condition the president is in right now.
Because while Trump's spin team
is painting a rosy picture of his health, outside experts say
all the medications that Trump is being given
suggest that he's not doing that well.
But then again, there's also the possibility
that Trump doesn't need all the drugs he's getting,
he just wants them,
and the doctors are too afraid to say no.
(like Trump): Give me all the pills,
all the oxygen, and while you're at it,
give me a boob job.
Because, people, these drugs are no joke.
Like, for instance, just the steroid that he's on,
dexamethasone, is wild.
Like, listen to this.
They say it can cause bad side effects, like...
confusion, delirium, mania,
irritability, mood swings
and feelings of grandiosi... grandiosity.
Are we sure Trump wasn't already taking the steroids?
So just like his handling of coronavirus as a whole,
Trump's handling of his own brush with corona
has been marked by secrecy, deception,
and just generally ignoring science
like it's one of his children.
And one other thing that has remained consistent
is that, as always, the thing Trump cares most about
is how he looks.
NEWSWOMAN: The president himself tries to project
an image of recovery, releasing photos and video
taken inside Walter Reed.
It's been a very interesting journey.
I learned a lot about COVID.
Overnight, the White House released these photos
of President Trump appearing to work in the makeshift office
set up at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center.
You see the one taken at the conference table
and one from the Presidential Suite,
where he filmed last night's update.
NEWSMAN: Editor in chief of The Air Current,
John Ostrower, says that he took a closer look
at the data embedded in the photos
and found, while the photos appear to have been taken
over some extended period of time,
they were actually just ten minutes apart.
NEWSWOMAN: Critics of the president are questioning
the authenticity of these photos,
pointing to the blank piece of paper
he appears to be signing with a Sharpie.
Yes. Basically, Trump staged these photos
just to make it seem like he was busy at work.
So what we have here is a rare case of pics
and it didn't happen.
And then again, maybe Trump wasn't busted at all.
Maybe this turned out exactly as they intended.
Okay, Mr. President, we're gonna take some photos of you now,
so just do what you normally do in the Oval Office.
(like Trump): Oh, you guys mean pretend work?
Okay, got it. Scribble, scribble.
Scribble, scribble, policy.
Policy, scribble. Iraq.
So, that's how Trump's been handling life with coronavirus.
And, you know, I guess in some weird way
it's nice to know that he doesn't treat America
any differently than the way he treats himself.
But there is one big difference, though.
Unlike most Americans, Trump has access
to the best treatments possible
and a world-class medical team looking after him.
Both at the hospital and back at home at the White House.
I mean, look at this group of doctors
that was involved in Trump's care.
It looks like the part of a movie
when the scientists announce that they've made contact
with the space creature.
Nobody else gets that many doctors.
So, considering what he went through
and how much work it took to treat him,
some people had a glimmer of hope-- just a glimmer--
that maybe Donald Trump would come out of this thing
with a new appreciation for how serious this disease is.
Maybe he'd come out with a new commitment
to getting it under control.
And that hope lasted... all of two days.
President Trump has just tweeted to the world
that he will be leaving Walter Reed Medical Center
a short time from now, at 6:30 p.m. Eastern, he says.
The president in his twitter announcement writing:
"Don't be afraid of COVID.
"Don't let it dominate your life.
"We have developed, under the Trump administration,
"some really great drugs and knowledge.
I feel better than I did 20 years ago."
Yeah, that's right, America.
Don't be afraid of COVID
and don't let it dominate your life.
Because as long as you can take your private helicopter
from your home hospital to an even better hospital,
you'll be great.
Oh, and by the way, to the 200,000 Americans who got COVID
and don't feel better than they did 20 years ago,
I guess that's on you.