Hey everyone, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create
a business and life you love, and this is Q&A Tuesday where we A some Qs.
It’s a good time, you should listen in.
Check this out.
Today’s question comes from Victoria and she writes,
“Hi Marie.
I look forward to your show like a kid does Christmas morning.
I absolutely love your blog and everything you stand for.
Thank you for all you do.”
Thank you for tuning in.
“I’m writing you in desperate need of help.
My question is: how do you know when it’s time to break up with a lifelong friend?”
First you’ve gotta get hair out of your face.
“I’m in my 30s and I have a close girlfriend I’ve known since age 5, but this relationship
does nothing but drain me.
I’m certainly not perfect and we both had our ups and downs, but it seems like she only
calls me to provide therapy for the negative situations she causes due to her impulsive
nature.”
“I’m always sad to see her in distress, but it’s so frustrating to give her my time
and the advice she asks for only to see her turn around and go right back to her old ways.
I’ve spoken to her about my feelings, but she responds with self defense and denial.
Someone I trust advised me to change the subject or just cut the cord completely.
What do you think?”
This is such a juicy question, Victoria, and the reason I wanted to answer it is because
so many people struggle with this.
As the late Jim Rohn said, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time
with.”
And here’s the thing, life is short and you get to choose, consciously choose, those
5 people, especially when it comes to your friends.
I am very conscious of the people I spend time with and I have really strong, energetic
boundaries.
In fact, negative people don’t even show up in my life because they can sense I’ve
got a positive force field around me and they know they’re not gonna last very long.
Now, to be clear, we all need to vent sometimes and my friends and I certainly do that, but
we don’t hang out there.
And here’s the other thing, people that are addicted to drama and negativity and complaining
find being around a highly positive person, like myself who is always seeing the bright
side of things, to be highly annoying.
So by consciously not spending time with negative people, you’re doing everybody a favor.
And, remember this, you can’t change anyone into a more positive person.
As my friend Kris Carr says, and, yes, it’s a tweetable:
“The only time you can change someone is when they’re in diapers.”
Now, when it comes to your friend, here’s a script you can use:
“Look, I love you dearly and I want the best for you, but I have to be honest, hearing
you complain non-stop is draining, it’s frustrating, and it makes me not want to spend
time together.
I think you should hire a therapist to work through these issues because this negative
pattern has been happening for years.
I’m tired of seeing you in pain and I’m tired of hearing myself give you the same
advice over and over.
We’ve known each other since we were five, but if this is all this relationship is gonna
be, let’s bless each other and go our separate ways.”
Here’s the bottom line, Victoria.
Allowing your friend to continue complaining to you is actually a negative pattern of your
own and you need to take responsibility for changing it.
You are in charge of the people you allow in your life and the energy those people bring.
So that was my A to your Q, Victoria.
Thank you so much for asking it and do let us know how it goes.
Now, I would love to hear from you.
Have you ever had to break up with a friend?
What did you do?
How did it go?
I want to hear your story.
As always, the best stuff happens after the episode over at MarieForleo.com, so go there
now and leave a comment.
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